Is this abusive?

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I've been recently starting to fall in love with him. But he flirts with other girls a lot. Last night he was drunk and I was too (but he was way drunker than me). We had a convo where he was saying he's gonna be graduating soon (his last year in college) and he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship all that time. It was like a civil argument, neither of us were really angry but of course I was disappointed. Later, I went to his bed because I was tired. He went up there to go up on the balcony with all our friends. On his way up, he yanked me off the bed. Mind you, it takes some force to yank someone off a bed to the ground... and I hit my head on the nightstand pretty hard. I told him my head hurt and he didn't seem concerned so I left. Later, my friend told me he was hitting on her and that he was exhibiting some unusually angry behavior (he's never really an angry dude). I'm wondering if it was the alcohol because that can make you underestimate the amount of force you put on someone and I'll admit when I'm drunk I do stupid things too sometimes. Is this a major warning sign of an abuser or just a dude that made a heavily drunken mistake? He's never ever been threatening to me at all and is usually sweet and I never see him get angry... should I try to talk it out or just take it as a warning sign and leave?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say it's definitely a warning sign. Get out while you still can.


Most Helpful Girl

  • get out.
    Would you like to chance that happening again. I believe person is still cognizant of that type of action when drunk. It sounds like he has either hidden his true feelings and attitude and the alcohol took away his resolve, which is terrifying, and I believe will only get more severe. Or he was on something more intense than alcohol. again, I wouldn't chance it.

    • He sounds like a very dangerous person. I strongly suggest you to leave.

      Also, he has said he doesn't want to be with you. Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't want tonne with you?

      I'm sorry you were treated this way, the only way to make sure you won't be treated this way again is to remove yourself. do you think you could actually trust him to not do it again? It doesn't sound to me like it was a mistake. it sounds like he knew what he was doing. I was married to an abusive man for 8 years, I have been ripped out of bed - he knew what he was doing, and I was in denial.
      It won't get better, It will get worse.

    • Interesting to hear that from someone who gets it. Yeah it was fucked up. Hurts to hear that someone doesn't love you but I guess I'll move on... it can be tough when all your friends are mutual

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think it's time to leave him, looks like he is a player, someone who doesn't care about you and your feelings. x

  • I'd see it as a warning sign...


What Girls Said 1

  • Read this like it belongs to someone else.
    Do you really want to be with someone who has already mentioned getting rid of you?
    I have been super wasted with my SO and gotten into a big fight one time, but never once did I hurt him. He must have some hidden feelings of aggression towards you. Also, he disrespected you by hitting on your friend. Even drunk, you have an idea what your doing.
    You gave excuse after excuse for what he did, but do you really want a life of making excuses?


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