Guys, How would you feel if you found out your date has divorced before?

You like this girl a lot, you ve been dating he for a couple of times, if things went well, you might want her as girlfriend or even future wife. However, one day she confessed to you that she had a marriage before, but she has divorced already. Will you still consider a long term relationship with her? How much does her divorce affect your decision?

  • It affect my decision a lot
    Vote A
  • It doesn't affect my decision
    Vote B
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Updates:
The reason of divorce is that she realized she married the wrong guy. She does not love him anymore
More specifically, she thought she made a mistake marrying him because she was young

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29

Most Helpful Guy

  • It'd be a red flag for me. To be honest and this is also answering based off of your updates. I'd date her but be extremely cautious about it. If a girl marries a guy and falls out of love with him it shows me that she doesn't know what she wants and that marriage to her isn't for life. On top of this is she got married too young, I get people make mistakes and would try to understand (which I would either way).

    If she was divorced a few times then it'd be a manor red flag and I would probably not want to continue dating (if the reason for divorce was that she fell out of love). What saying she fell out of love with a guy she actually married tells me is that she doesn't know how to keep a healthy relationship growing and grow with her partner. Yeah I get some guys may cause the problem but if this was a recurring thing I'd just be cautious about it.

    Also since patterns tend to repeat themself a lot, if she fell out of love with one guy then chances are the same could happen with me. I know couples grow apart and stuff but I'd want to know if she tried to work things out. Relationships aren't puppies and rainbows all the time and their also not super exciting too.

    Imay just be saying this due to bias because I did have an ex and things did seem to be going really well (long term relationship). One day she was saying how she loved me and was all over me and the next she dumped me and started dating another guy within a week. She said she just well out of love (all of a sudden) and brought up a lot of stuff about the relationship she didn't like or wanted to change but never brought anything up or said anything about them. I've also witnessed a few friends go through the exact same thing.

    So I'd give her a chance but overall, it is a red flag and I would be very very cautious with her.

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    • Best comment I've seen in a long time, very perceptive. Reminds me of my comments/replies to questions. Truth will set you free, no appeasement. Red Flag for me as well if a woman has been divorced or is a single mom. My ex-fiancee was divorced twice before me, played like she was seeking real love lmfao. Spent 5 years of her lying and deceptions because I gave her the benefit of a doubt, there is no benefit of a doubt. As you mentioned, previous patterns repeat, so in my words previous actions & current trends predict future fact. Unless she can 100% prove it was based on a VERY severe reason and not trivial reasons (I fell out of love lol) then I would NEVER even waste a moment, as that shows that that person doesn't understand or is not accountable for her vows, they like her ex-husband was trivial. If she will do it to him, she can &will do it to you (eventually). Also, I feel you, your story is like mine & so many other men. Yours/mine/others were already cheating before split.

    • Also, to continue, when they say they fell out love, they never were truly in love, you were not the one, only the one first in line & then when she found another replacement she ejected you (been there). Always, looking for a bigger better deal, actions determine character (if it looks like a cheater then it is). In response to this posters question divorce stats speak volumes. 80% of divorces initiated by females with the majority of reasons being (I wasn't happy - I fell out of love). Yet, they are the ones who wanted to get married. So when a man meets you, it's not only you interviewing him as all women think they are qualifying a man, you are being qualified as well, divorced female = possible flight risk (high risk) & with 50% divorce rate (more if you have a mental disorder up to 90% failure rate), that's the first marriage, then statistics for second marriages is 75% failure rate (given no mental disorders - 95% failure 2nd marriage with illness). 3rd marriage NO WAY, eject!

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What Guys Said 28

  • A divorce means she has experience from life and most probably the hurting one. That is not something to consider wrong. Everyone is special and deserve to get know their story. So it is indifferent for me. She got through already a marriage. Did she learn from it or not is the better question, and will affect my decision.

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  • It depends, why the divorce?

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    • that's a tough one tbh. It would definitely raise a red flag because then I'm going to think, why did she marry him in the first place or if she really loved him then fell out of love a couple years later and the guy was a good guy who's to say the same thing won't happen to me? Honestly, I'd continue dating you and hold off on a relationship for a while until I get better idea of who you are as a person and continue dating other girls while dating you (wouldn't hide the face I was dating others... never do). Just being honest here. Having a girl tell me she fell out of love is a huge red flag to me and probably not a girl I'd want to be with unless the chemistry was undeniable and even then I'd think "she probably felt the same with the other guy and yet they ended up getting a divorce". If the guy was a plain jackass it would be a different story but yet again there's always two sides to every story...

  • What's this thing i'm always reading here on GaG. People's relationship history seems to matter more than the people themselves. Why are people seemingly obsessed with it. What difference does it make.
    You see someone you like, he/she is attractive to you, and vice versa, but, that's not good enough. Your instantly want to know his/her history before you take another step. You are rarely, if at all, going to find someone without any history at all.
    If i see someone i like, i'm attracted to, i'm interested in, it's them i want. I don't care if she's a virgin, or that word "slut", was married, or anything else at all.
    The way she is, the way she looks, the way she carries herself, the way she interacts with people, the fact she might be interested in me is all that matters.

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  • "However, one day she confessed to you that she had a marriage before, but she has divorced already. Will you still consider a long term relationship with her?"

    No. She "confessed" something that should have been expressed upfront. This is especially true if there were any situations regarding property. I wouldn't require court documents or anything but if you've been divorced and you're "confessing" this to me then clearly you think that I'm a sucker.

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  • If the divorce happened for the reason you cited as an example, it wouldn't affect the chances of a long term relationship at all.

    People fuck up in life. That's a fact. And there should be second chances for this kind of thing.

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  • I wouldn't care about previous crap I wouldn't want to know about it and wouldn't ask and hope she wouldn't volunteer such info as things like body count and how many divorces she's had, it tends to kill the mood. Unless she enjoys oral creampies she's not girlfriend material anyway.

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  • the fact of the divorce wouldn't affect my decision, but the cause you said, made me think a little, she just think she choses the wrong guy, Will I be the right guy? or she'll just get bored and walk away, I'd date her but soul live with this fear...

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  • Meh, she made a mistake and realized it. Can't hold that against her, only would have been better to realize it before being married. I would not care though.

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  • I remember being on a date with a girl. We'd gone through exactly the same thing (a very long term relationship that had withered and died) except she'd been married to hers, I'd hadn't. Didn't matter to me and would have been hypocritical if it had.

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  • It would affect my decision, but that's an age issue. If I were 35 it would be different. Women who marry young are usually stupid/naive or have values that are incompatible with mine.

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  • Why? She's just going to change her mind again.

    Every promise she could ever whisper into my ear will just be a repeat of the same bullshit she whispered into the last guy's ear.

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  • I'm divorced myself, so I think that would bring another level of understanding for each other. Divorces happen. Its not a reason to cut someone off.

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  • "How old are you?"

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  • Really wouldn't bother me but i would want to know what was the cause. Like if it was due to cheating or just not getting along.

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  • It wouldn't effect my decision cause she's divorced.

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  • I will leave her. It's a sin to deal with a divorced person in my religion (Christianity).

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  • i would ask her about it and make it clear that it shouldn't come between us.

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  • Yes I would

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  • love should rule. not the past

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  • I'm 18 so I would be shocked 😳

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  • doesn't matter as long as she loves me

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  • doesn't bother me. all that matters is our relationship

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  • It doesn't affect me once she have true feelings for me

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  • it's better that she quit early

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  • A divorce is just a break up way later down the road, and really expensive. To me anyway.

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  • As long as she doesn't have contact with her ex and doesn't already have kids then it wouldn't affect anything for me.

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  • It doesn't affect my decision

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  • Nah, i don't really subscribe to the idea of marriage so having a marriage that ended in divorce wouldn't affect what I wanted to do at all.

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