Got my partner arrested... please help?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Two days ago he physically attacked me (it's not the first time it happened)
after he left our house I phoned the police to ask them for advice and I left to go for a walk. By the time I got back, they had broken down the door of the house to look for me or him, and they took me to the station to ask me what was going on. I refused to write a statement told the police what was going on etc.
he is staying in his friends house ATM, and the police have said they want to arrest him even though I don't want them to.
last night at 3am the police came to my home to look for him and ask me questions.
tgere is now a warrent out for him and he may loose his visa and job. I feel like I have ruined his life

Updates:
I spoke to the police officer now and they want him to call them.
I just wanted a clean break away from him and didn't want this to happen to him... I really didn't.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yea you ruined his life because he beat you. The dude is a prick, good riddance. I detest "men" who beat the woman they're supposed to love, what a fucking coward and of course he runs away. You're better off without him. Fuck that guy.

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    • Just read what he did and why he attacked you. This guy clearly has mental problems and is very violent, he SHOULD be locked up and kept away from other women he could potentially abuse in the future. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about, seriously NONE of this was your fault. You feel guilty because you're a good person with a good heart and he took advantage of you and used that against you. He's not a good person and would have just escalated things even more, you did the right thing so don't feel guilty about it. Once the shock of all this is gone and you accept the situation you'll be so thankful you did what you did.

    • Thanks so much.
      I've been in complete shock as I've been with him (brainwashed) for two years. As crazy as it sounds, I have a lot of feelings for him still and the house feels empty and I feel lonely and miss him. The domestic case worker told me today that this is called "battered woman syndrome" and that it's normal to feel like this.
      I've been whipped across the back with a set of headphones by him, I was strangled for not making his eggs the way he liked, I was slapped across the face for being upset that he didn't want to eat the meal that I made us. I've been spit on for refusing sex, he's broken my property, he's thrown the ps controller at me that I have bruises on my hip... the list goes on. The emotional abuse is even worse (as mental as it sounds)
      I found out that he abused his ex wife too (the police confirmed this) and god knows what else.
      I feel crazy for feeling the way I do but I've been told it's normal. Two years I wasn't allowed to set an alarm for work

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honey, ever since he started to just LIFT A HAND towards you that's where I WOULD LEAVE, you can't stay with somebody who hits you,
    JUST DON'T.
    I'M HAPPY that this happened to him to be honest, as cruel as it sounds, karma hit him bad and this is what he gets when he hits women...
    Just stay safe and stay away from people that harm you, you deserve so much better.
    Good luck <3

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • He's a worthless piece of shit. Don't feel bad, he deserves absolutely everything that's coming to him

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  • why did you call the police if you didn't want to get him in trouble?

    the simple fact there isn't much you can do. you'll have to let them conduct their search for your guy. if they arrest him and he goes to trial you can refuse to testify in the case and thats about the most you can do to keep him out of jail... but they still may be able to prosecute the case.

    frankly though he deserves punishment for being an abuser.

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    • Because I was scared. He's been doing this for a long time, but two days ago when he was attaching me, I looked at a photo of me and my mum and thought how she would feel if I was killed or ended up in hospital.
      I thought the police would give me advice on what do to, or maybe give him a warning but they are looking for him now

    • well he deserves whatever punishment he gets. you should not tolerate abuse and did the right thing calling the police.

    • I'm glad that you came to that realization when you saw the pic of you and your mother. I understand that you want to be loyal to your boyfriend, but in this case you have to put your own needs ahead of his.

  • He ruined his life by physically abusing you. You were upset enough about it (as you should be) to call the police. He can't keep getting away with this, do you want to end up in hospital or dead? If he really cared for you, he wouldn't hit you, period. He even said he was going to kill you!

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  • Meh, he'll reap what he sowed.

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  • Anyone who treats one violently deserves a ruined life.

    The people who have raised me didn't ever touch me and someone else is going to hit me for no reason or whatsoever? I'll get him hanged till death.

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  • The police can file charges whether or not you want to in cases of domestic violence. He is an abuser. It is best you get away from him...

    see this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a47256-domestic-abuse-abusers-always-escalate

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    • Thank you.
      The abuse did get worse and in my opinion, it was only a matter of time before it got to the point of no return.
      I still feel guilty, as we were living together etc I know it sounds silly

    • like in my take... He has you mentally under his control... this is part of the abuse... he has programmed you to feel guilty.

  • No excuse for what he did. Why is the focus on him and not you? In our country it's illegal to beat women.

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  • He shouldn't of put his hands on you he gets what he deserves '

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  • Whyd he hit you? Was there a reason?

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    • He did it becise I wanted to study and for him to turn down the tv. So he smashed the tv and threw the controller at me then came and pushed me on the bed with his hand over my mouth and pressed down so hard that he broke my tooth. He then took the wire of the charger and told me he would strangle me and kill me with it.
      Before, I came into the house and said hello to him while he was on the phone so he grabbed me by my hair and attacked me

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    • @JustEva its a question. Obviously what happened is crazy and im at a loss of words.

    • Its a legit question *

  • you can always drop the charges in court they don't let you get a lawyer to be in court that day

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    • I can't. There is a new law in the uk that says they can convict him without a statement or if j decide to press charges or not

    • oh thought you were in the usa

  • his life is definitely ruined if he loses his visa

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  • Yes you have ruined his life!! Congratulations 😊

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  • They don't take domestic abuse lightly anymore so that's why, if you're not pressing charges they can still pursue but harder for them to make a case, probably should consult a lawyer

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  • You did the right thing

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What Girls Said 6

  • If someone physically assaults you, they need to be jailed. It's against the law and his actions insinuate that he could be a future threat to other people he comes into contact with. Having him jailed and pressing charges is what should happen.

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  • Since you called and asked for advice about domestic abuse, the police are going to continue to track him down. The police have to do what is best for the community because they don't know what the source of his rage may be and it could endanger the safety of the people surrounding him.

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  • If he attacked you, I'm not sure why you wouldn't want him to be arrested.

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  • He's going to end up murdering you and we will be seeing it on the news very soon. Grow some backbone.

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    • Obvs I did or I wouldn't have called the police

  • What kind of neighborhood do you live in? Normally the police would not spend this much time on domestic violence. Especially if one partner is not willing to cooperate.

    Also, violence is violence. Stop making excuses.

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    • I live in London.
      And I'm not making excuses. I was abused for two years and was completely brainwashed
      I feel like the police are investing a lot of time into it as (Ive found out from them) that he had assault charges in the past from his ex wife and god knows what else

    • Then let the police do their job. Glad to see you are realizing things. I live in Texas, USA, so they really don't put this much time on a case if people aren't cooperative.

  • he ruined his own life when he assaulted you. real men don't hurt women.

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