My Ex-Boyfriend is a complete jerk now... I'm still wondering what happened?

Back in February, my ex boyfriend and I first met and quickly got to know each other and soon after started dating. The one problem, he lives in Montana and I live in Massachusetts and it was a long distance relationship. I didn't expect it to go far at all. We became inseparable. We facetimed for hours on end, texted every minute and hour on end. He became my everything, my world, and I became his. But, he was very controlling, I'd have to tell him before I left and where I was going. I was loyal throughout the whole relationship but always got accused of being with other guys. He had anger problems, took things out on me at times, fucked with my head sometimes. He could be so sweet and loving and then just switch. We almost broke up several times. I gave him many chances, since he got nudes from other girls and he flirted with other girls too. We continued on for almost four months and had planned a summer spent together then everything changed.

One night he calls me on the phone and says he loves me more than the world, and then after an argument he says breaking up is best and he's done with the distance. That was all in one week. I tried continuously to make it work and change his mind, but we eventually just agreed to stay friends and that we'd always love each other. The first few days I was a mess sobbing, I didn't want to lose him. But now, he's been such a jerk to me. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, which hurt so bad. He'll ask me for naked pictures, brag about the girls he's been fucking, fucks with my head and let's his friends be mean to me, makes fun of me. He's just changed completely he's not the same person I knew and fell in love with. He drinks, smokes weed, does other drugs, steals all the time now. Part of me is like I'm done with this shit and I deserve better. But the other part is saying that, no matter what I'll always love him and care about him, and I feel as though I'm giving up and what if that's not the right choice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • " He's just changed completely he's not the same person I knew and fell in love with."

    Oh sweetie. He never was that person. The person he is now is who he always was. He just hides it when trying to get with girls because he knows who he really is isn't attractive.

    Just be glad the relationship didn't go very far and move on. Block him and be thankful that you're dodging a bullet.

    Oh and when they show controlling behavior and are jealous and then turn around and flirt with others that's a sign to break up immidiatley. There has yet to be a person who was a good human being that did that behavior.

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    • Thank you very much for you're helpful reply and advice. He never was like that to me until now... I always meant so much to him, I know how much he loved me, he even cried over me at times. I can't get myself to understand how he could lose all of it so quickly and be so mean to me. I really do want to move on with my life, I wish I could make myself stop caring but I know that's impossible.

    • Crying over someone doesn't mean they love them. He liked you because it made him happy. He didn't really care about your happiness or well being. There's a difference between love and desire.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Nobody should be having sex at 14 i personally think and he is trying to make you come back to him so just cut contact for a while until he realizes that its nothing real

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • To be honest, I would like to tell you that he is simply an asshole and you should forget about him.
    But I know psychology engough and I know this kind of behavior doesn;t come from nowhere... That kind of radical behavior usually comes from some kind of pain. He probably is convinced that you hurt him and not the other way around. And now he is doing all this too you because "you deserve it".

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    • He was always into drugs, even when we were dating. We both have had issues with depression and we're always there for each other. I was a good influence on him, or at least I tried. He had a very bad childhood and I think that's why he has pain from that and deals with it by doing drugs. I just don't understand why he'd turn On and give up on me, someone who was always there for him through everything.

    • Well, there is a mechanism in our mind that makes us do stuff like that. It's basicaly like this - if I give upi in advance on something that might fall apart in the future, then I won't have to deal with the thought of lost. Get it? Maybe by pushing you away, he finally decided that there is no hope for you to save him and he will forestall the even of his lost.
      I know it can be a little bit tricky, so if you have any problems understanding that - just tell me.

  • hey just forget him he is just ass , he taking drugs doing sex with other girls dnt be fool move on find a perfect one who is only for u leave that idiot babe

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  • Darling without sounding condescending I would like to be brutally honest with you if that is OK

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    • Yes that's ok I appreciate all honestly and advice

    • Well With drug addicts They can be very attractive to someone like yourself Who seems very vunerable I'm taking the assumption that he must be a little older than you which could be an attraction on its own merit The way he is treating you worries me very much It's almost a grooming process which, makes you feel obligated to be obedient in all he. asks and this is a dangerous mind set to be in He has made you devoted to him to the point of you making decisions that normally you would question doing I think you have been strong and very mature in handling the hurt he has bestowed apon you and if I were your parent I would be proud to see how you have analysised thee latter part of your painful relationship It's time to let go now and block all forms of contact Making you safe and secure in finding someone 2ho will be honoured to be with you

  • Forget him and move on

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  • I think you should stop talking to him. why because I can see you still love him and he will use that as an advantage on you, and your young you just start live you will find better one day. some people don't know true love

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    • All of my friends also say I should just stop replying to him, it's like a toxic thing I know it'll hurt me talking to him again but I still do it because I still do care. He still tries to get my attention and talk to me at times, I don't even know anymore he's so confusing. Thank you very much for you're helpful advice. I hope in time I will move on

  • You are better for it. Do yoga and move on. You're only 14. Neither of you know who you are, yet.

    Find a hobby that you enjoy and focus on that. Someone better will come along soon enough, but I wouldn't contact him at all anymore.

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  • Your boyfriend was right.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sorry for not reading the story. I'm feeling lazy.

    Anyway. Your ex-boyfriend is a jerk now... Well he's also your EX NOW. So, please don't bother with him any longer. Focus on yourself, not him, move on from him. It's over. Let him go.

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  • I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment and no matter what people say, it's not easy to move on and some people just have bigger meaningful relationships and we fail to understand how that could mean so little to them. My ex is my bestfriend which makes it even harder, when you share a special bond with someone and care for them. It's real hard to let go

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  • Sounds like he's immature and doesn't know what he wants. There's nothing wrong with you, remember that. If you choose to move on from this you will find someone better eventually, and you'll feel better overall eventually. Any guy that wants to date you will not flirt with other females or send nudes. Period. I hope this helps.

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