I need advice. Someone please help me?

Me and my ex haven't talked in a while probably a year. We broke after a dumb argument he was not doing so well on drugs out on the streets. He said I broke up with him which I did not. He took my name of instagram I did the same we didn't speak for like a whole month I seen him and I hugged him he gave me a ride home. I heard people telling me he was talking to other girls and went to. Hotel with them and that got me mad he dumped me and left me like I'm a piece of crap. So I seen and socked him in the face. I said really mean things but I was hurt and mad he also cheated on along time ago it was just all anger after that we never spoken again even when I seen him he didn't even look at me. I did apologize to him he seemed like whatever about me apologizing so I never bothered texting him cause I seemed like I was bothering him. It's been a long time now and I really miss him want him back I want tell him start over and forget about the past. but I don't know if he feels the same. Should I message him and tell him? I'm scared if he doesn't reply I really need some help
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I'm confused I feel like I want talk to him next day I don't. I'm scared of dealing with all the crap again but what happens it's better this time
I need advice. Someone please help me?
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