My girlfriend of 5 1/5 years ended things suddenly. Is there a future for us considering some things that happened?

We've been together for 5 1/2 years, basically our whole college careers. Things were good for us, never really had fights and we saw each other very often. 2 weeks before, she stopped replying to my calls and texts. This has happened before when she needed space due to school/work stress so i didn't think of it too much since finals was ongoing.

The night of, she calls me at 4 in the morning and wanted to end things on the phone. I disagreed and drove over to discuss this in person. She smelled of tequila and was sobbing right when she sat in. Over 2 hours she repeatedly said that she was sorry and that we need to go our separate ways. I left with little context as to why this happened to work, and told her we need to talk about this when she's sober. I come back in the afternoon and she stays adamant about doing things over text. She explains to me that the relationship was good, but the spark for me had gone and that she has been unhappy for 6-12 months (she changes the value multiple times). She expects me to walk away and just move on with just that. To me, if the relationship was good, wouldn't you still love the person?

These feelings never came to light until she started a new job and found new close friends, which she never really had in college. For context, i lost few close friends over arguments that changed my views/goals and got in close with gangster friends which also made me mold to be similar to them. Am i over reaching to believe that the spark started to fade when i started to become someone im not and that she was fun experiences with her new best friends? Today she still checks my social media for tabs, even though she doesn't really use them. Am i naive to believe that after i fix my life to be happy with who i am again, that i could try to amend things with her? We recently saw each other at a concert and embraced in a firm hug. I pecked her on the cheek and went my way, and she tried to contact me shortly after, but silence since then.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to move on. She has, you should do the same. Your only hurting yourself by believing the two of you will get back together and you shouldn't do that to yourself

    • She was basically all my eggs in a basket. My best friend, my significant other, and in 5 months time i was going to propose. It's proving difficult to move on so quickly and i feel she hasn't forgotten about us. My course of action now is just getting my ducks in a row and leave her to breathe. If time doesn't fix things, then i'll consider letting things fade

    • I'm not suggesting it's easy honey. But you can't pretend to know what's in her head. If you keep the idea that she hasn't gotten past you - even though she's ended the relationship - that doesn't work well in the end and the hurt is usually much more intense later on.
      If she comes back to you later great! But you need to work on your self, your life, what you want. You've been living for her time to live for yourself

    • Yeah i figure i need to grow some before thinking about her. Otherwise it'd just be a repeat

Most Helpful Guy

  • I wonder if she did something for her to get drunk when she told you? Doesn't really change her decision though... If you want to try holding onto it guess you could just keep tabs on here while giving her space and see what happens... Has she acted different from when you first met her vs months before she broke it off?

    • Yeah she has, she's been wanting to do some new stuff but time conflicts with school and finances etc etc. This was just really sudden, before the silent 2 weeks we were texting each other nicknames and flirting

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What Girls Said 2

  • she might want to have fun and her friends might be influencing her to be herself more and maybe she doesn't feel like she has experienced enough and want to go experience more "fun" or something. who knows.

    • Possibly, that's why i'm giving her some space and try to improve myself before trying to climb up that tree again.

  • I think you need to live your life for you and what makes you happy. If you're in with a bad crowd, get out. She's living her life and maybe your relationship with her just wasn't meant to be.

    • For sure i'm trying to work on that. However, i can't shake the desire to have her in my life

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    • Thank you

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