Should I move on?

I've been married for about 7 months, it was an arranged marriage (we sorta arranged it) we had a lot of issues in the beginning I can't let go. We met online and I wasn't looking for anything serious, he was. We eventually met and he was everything I wanted in a person physically, and his personality was great. We rushed things and I fell for him because I gave up so many things. I didn't want to get married but I was in too deep, no one knew except some friends, and of course no one supported my decision. The day I got married I was so close to backing out but I didn't want to lose him, and I did it. That day we got married it's like he finished his job by simply getting married and gave up. After the ceremony he was dropping me off at my place with his friend and didn't kiss me or walked me out. I basically just got off and we did nothing. He knew I was unhappy (I'm sure his friend told him to step out) he then chased me up the stairs, I was crying at this point, and he said plan something we can do in a bit. (I had already reserved a hotel room) Well we went, did our thing and he didn't stay. He just left me there and went to his old apartment. Those things really hurt me, still do, but he has changed a lot. At some point I also found a girl's number, she gave to him, and can't let that go because he hid it. sometimes I feel like I hate him, but I can't let him go. As soon as I asked him to change he did it, and he has apologized for everything. Now I just keep thinking I need more. I want a relationship that starts off well, but I also want him. I've told him and he became very upset, but I just want those first experiences. I want genuine love. He says he loves me but I can't trust him anymore. He's my dream guy, he's perfect now, but what should I follow? I'm curious and hopeful, but I have everything I've always wanted at home.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Why do I feel like the guy just married you for a green card? I know of 2 cases of that with friends of my relatives. In one case the wife didn't know but he sucked so bad she got the marriage annulled. In another case the woman is in love but he has girlfriends and lives away from her... but pretends to like her.

    Anyhow, you can only trust actions. Ignore all the words. Base your decision on his actions

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    • well I didn't want to say the green card part, but that's basically why we did it. Since the beginning he said I didn't have to do it, I understood that, but I did it because he was such a good guy, and we had a really good connection. I'm the type of person who doesn't force things, but when I met him it felt so right. I tell him sometimes to stop pretending we have some something, that he's just using me, but he tells me that if I believe that we can move to the country that he's from. I feel like at first maybe he didn't love me, but he really does now. That day I found the girls number he left work and was explaining to me how he didn't text her, he could never, he cried and everything because I told him I wasn't going to try to be in a relationship anymore, that this would just be a business thing. I guess I'm always going to have doubt because we got married for that reason.

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    • I've tried leaving him, going away to my parents place, but he shows up saying he understands, but he wants to hangout, so when he does that we hangout, then I just fall for him. And he really is a sweet guy, he never raises his voice, does what I say, helps me out at home, we go out, we go on trips, brings me food to work, he gets me gifts, he does nothing wrong, it's just those things from the past. His excuse is just that he was immature and scared, but he never did anything to hurt me.

    • So what it sounds like is he does everything right and your trust issue is about stuff in the past that has not come up again? In that case there is nothing he can do to fix how you feel. Maybe over time you will feel better. If a SO is asking me to trust her but she is always doing actions that are bad I would only look at her actions. I thought you were in that situation but it sounds like his actions are all good now. You just have to trust him. We can never know for sure what is in another person's mind. We can only see their actions and that's what matters!

  • really so?

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