I've been married for about 7 months, it was an arranged marriage (we sorta arranged it) we had a lot of issues in the beginning I can't let go. We met online and I wasn't looking for anything serious, he was. We eventually met and he was everything I wanted in a person physically, and his personality was great. We rushed things and I fell for him because I gave up so many things. I didn't want to get married but I was in too deep, no one knew except some friends, and of course no one supported my decision. The day I got married I was so close to backing out but I didn't want to lose him, and I did it. That day we got married it's like he finished his job by simply getting married and gave up. After the ceremony he was dropping me off at my place with his friend and didn't kiss me or walked me out. I basically just got off and we did nothing. He knew I was unhappy (I'm sure his friend told him to step out) he then chased me up the stairs, I was crying at this point, and he said plan something we can do in a bit. (I had already reserved a hotel room) Well we went, did our thing and he didn't stay. He just left me there and went to his old apartment. Those things really hurt me, still do, but he has changed a lot. At some point I also found a girl's number, she gave to him, and can't let that go because he hid it. sometimes I feel like I hate him, but I can't let him go. As soon as I asked him to change he did it, and he has apologized for everything. Now I just keep thinking I need more. I want a relationship that starts off well, but I also want him. I've told him and he became very upset, but I just want those first experiences. I want genuine love. He says he loves me but I can't trust him anymore. He's my dream guy, he's perfect now, but what should I follow? I'm curious and hopeful, but I have everything I've always wanted at home.