When you feel like you'd be better off in the ground?

the one thing I wanted more tha. anything in my life was a child. I got one on my birthday 13 years later. now everyday I'm forced to sit and think about him. knowing I have no chance of his mom letting me see him. I'm sorry but that is the worst gut wrenching and most haunting feeling imaginable. and I'm forced to live with it daily. so what's the point anymore.
When you feel like you'd be better off in the ground?
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