Wrote a letter to my ex.....haven't given it to her....contemplating sending it?

I've got out of a 9 month on/off relationship. This girl broke my heart twice. First time shame on her BUT the second time shame on me for being stupid enough to date her again. We chalked up the first breakup as "mis-communication" but the reality is she lost interest in me and ran to another guy who she liked more at the time.

I'm really hurting right now. I have some more important stuff going on my life (I'm preparing for athletic competition and my business needs attention) but my heartbreak over her has been A HUGE DISTRACTION.

I've managed to stop calling her (of course she tried to put me in the friend category). 2 days ago I wrote a letter that was outpouring of all my frustrations, resentments and hurts in detail. She knows a few but I never got a time to read all of them.

I know what needs to be done. I need to MOVE ON. Karma already bit her in the ass once (the guy she dated after our first breakup broke her heart) and likely to happen again. I'm frustrated with myself for feeling so attached to her. She's poison. I only wish she wasn't acting so sweet to me right now.

Anyway it felt good to write this letter. Relieving. I'm almost tempted to give it to her and never talk to her EVER again. Suggestions? I know you are going to tell me to burn it...but IDK.

I feel conflicted about this. I feel like it would relieve me greatly to get this to her. However it it would also so how much power she has over me. It shows I'm defining my self worth with her approval.
She kept asking "how are you doing" when I talked to her after the breakup. I acted real indifferent, but the truth was in my voice. I kept changing the subject. She feels guilty but that's not enough.
Her "niceness" and "sympathy" does not negate her actions. I thought if I acted disinterested and I had a life outside of her it would improve my attractiveness.
Here is a rough draft of the letter. Lots of typo/grammar prob but I'll fix it up link Let me know what you all think.
my mistake...here's the right link link
Also it's been hard for me to meet other people. I need to go out on dates. Believe it or not but I've even lost my interest in having sex. Don't know how to explain it. Weird that this coming from a guy.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should give it to her.

    I don't know how most people are but I always want to know what I'm doing wrong. I've made mistakes in the past that I was either blind to or justified with flimsy excuses, but if it's pointed out to be openly, how can I hide from the truth? I don't like it when I lie to myself - when someone points it out for me, I can't help be confront the truth.

    It might not make a difference right away or even at all, but if you are honest about how her actions made her feel, she can no longer hide from it by allowing time to warp her perception. It will be clear and precise forever. Even if she throws it away - once she has read it, she can't not know how she has made you feel ever again.

    We don't always confront the worst part of ourselves on our own - sometimes it take prompting or the cold, cutting truth. You might be doing her a favor in the future by blowing away whatever her justifications were, she can't hide from it anymore.

    I would do it - I don't let people get away with taking advantage of me without letting them know the result of their selfish behavior. But that's just me. A lot of times it might not have even mattered, but I know I walked away with a clear and free conscience.

    Good luck.

    • Thanks. I'm surprised how many people have said give it to her. She has definitely "justified" her actions and hasn't sincerely apologize to me. Here is a rough draft of the letter thanks I wrote a rough draft above. Let me know what you think.

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What Girls Said 4

  • i don't think you should give it to her. I just went through the EXACT same thing and you know what, she doesn't deserve to know she has this much power over you because it sounds like she'll use it to her advantage no matter what happens to her and no matter what you say. if you want to beat her at her own game ignore her. live your life and don't let her be a part of it.i couldn't even finish the last 3 paragraphs because this chick doesn't deserve to know you. now, in all fairness to get p*ssed off at her because of when she broke up with you isn't right. there's never a right time for a breakup. if she waited for the perfect time to breakup y'all'd still be dating. there's NEVER a best or worst time to break up with someone. so, to throw that in her face isn't fair because she couldn't help that but if she's a bitch that's her fault and she doesn't deserve to be in your life. she doesn't even deserve this letter. the guy that left me for another girl, I stopped talking to him COMPLETELY. I started talking to him again like 2weeks ago strictly because he got really sick. I told him he needed to go to the dr. he doesn't like drs. soon after we started talking again he broke up with her. come to find out she was nothing compared to me and when I didn't let him get away with ANYTHING and started treating him like, "oh whatever I'll tty when I tty" he wanted me more. she's a girl that wants what she can't have and if you want to play that game with her then that's cool but. honestly, I don't think you should give this to her. I hope things work out and I hope that whatever you decide in the end makes you happy:)

    • Yeah I have been playing it cool so far. Only texted her once to give a short "happy bday" and that was it. She even invited me to come out and I declined. I plan on not initiating any contact, at all unless something dramatic happens.

      I think I'm going to hold on to that letter. I just hate being "friend zoned", it's really insulting.

  • I think you should give it to her, you have the right idea man, you need to try to move on , its sounds like you have a good plan for what your going to do with yourself and sometimes in life we need to move on from the ones close to us to more aspire to your true potential, in other words, your just being pulled down by emotion and you can be a better person than that :) good luck its never easy but it will be worth it, like many people have said there are plenty of fish in the sea.

  • I see now I am having the exact same problem with an ex boyfriend and feel so angry how both times he walked away with no contact. I would say send it but whether I take my own advice lol. Gd luck :-)

    • Thanks I wrote a rough draft above. Let me know what you think.

  • Hm... Don't get back with her. You'll be miserable and so will she if you treat her like that. She's just playing with you it sounds like.. :/ Don't give her the oppourtunity to.


What Guys Said 1

  • (please add me if you like my advise) You've got the wrong idea becsuse you are to never to make fun of her but tease her a little bit to make her feel that you're concerned and that you care. it depends on the reason why she went and dumped you and should ask her.

    P.S. add me if you have anymore questions about your relationship no matter how embarassing

    • Bro I appreciate your advice, but how old are you?

    • 16 and extremely sophisticated

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