How long does it take to get over a 3 year relationship?

My ex and I wanted to get married but we argued a lot because we never got much space from each other. I misdiagnosed the problem and ended things with her 4 months ago. Within a couple days she said she was doing great and even started dating a month after the breakup. She was devastated when I left her and was begging for me to come back. She has anxious attachment, and she's an ISFP. What do you guys think? Will she come back? Is it a rebound?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd focus more on you moving on than her. Or rather, detaching yourself from you identity as a couple and re-establish your identity as an individual. Maybe she will come back, maybe she won't, but it's important for you to focus on yourself, know yourself, and be an individual person to have healthy future relationships (maybe even with her again).

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What Girls Said 16

  • Obviously no one can really give u a definant answer but from experience I would say it seems like a rebound bc I had the same thing I was in only a 1 year long relationship and we broke up and I wasn't like that upset bc I kinda wanted it and we had a lot of problems. I then a month later started dating this new dude but 1 month into that I dumped him bc I realized even tho I didn't want to b in the 1 year long relationship anymore I still wasn't completely over it and I was definantly not ready to move on that fast. I needed more time to fix myself. So I would say bc urs was 3 years and bc she was very upset by the breakup that it is a good chance it's a rebound and that if u do want to make it work and get back together you have a shot but u gotta tell her how u feel and u should do it soon

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    • I told her I wanted to talk about reconciling after they had been dating like 2 weeks. She said no we will never get back together and told me to move on. All I know is he is my exact opposite, she is doing everything she said she would never do, and she still posts sad song lyrics about breakups on social media sometimes. But it's very gray. I have. 50/50 understanding of where she is because she sometimes seems extremely happy with no regrets but she does things that say she is forcing her feelings away

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    • Yea I hope she realizes cuz it seems like ur really into her!

    • :) thanks for the reply and the support

  • 3 years and already dating a month after the break up? She didn't care or this girl is rebounding hard.

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    • Yes! Thank you! I can't wait for the distraction to be over so she can face her feelings

    • Or you confront her about it

    • I've heard if you try to belittle their new relationship some people will keep it going to prove you wrong, I'm just gonna stay uninvolved and let it topple on its own. Once that happens, I'll be along shortly

  • For an ISFP, she got serious issues. I suggest that you do NOT go back to that. Something about her is not right for an ISFP, and somebody with an anxious attachment style needs to go see a counselor a. s. a. p. Since your username suggest that you're an INTP, I highly suggest that for you, you give yourself 6 months to a year to work on yourself and dedicate that time frame for self-growth. Learn new things, work on your weaknesses and don't focus on dating at the time period. As usual, length doesn't matter. It's your willingness to move on completely from her, and it starts by destroying and getting rid of anything that has to do with her. Pictures, items and all. And drop ALL contact. She is now in your past, you have to keep her there. DO NOT seek to get her back. Move forward without her.

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    • I mean it seems like common rebound behavior to me, what's the bad part of her for an ISFP?

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    • So what do you predict will happen in the coming months?

    • She's very immature for an ISFP. She didn't have the stability needed to be grounded in the relationship. So she will need some serious counseling and you at the end of the day will have to move on and learn from this experience.

  • Depends on the person

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  • It depends on the person and how fast they heal. It can take up to 3 years or as little as 3 months, which I'm guessing it will take longer than that.

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  • No I don't think she will come back her pride was already hurt for two reasons : 1 because you broke up with her 2 because she begged to come back and you rejected it and since four months passed I think she spent them in trying to move on. I was once in her place so when i kept begging for a month and he said a final no, i cut contact and spent almost two or three months in practicing to move on. I swear to you she will still be hurting until now even if she is meeting someone else but she will never try to come back to you because for her, it's over and no come back even if it still breaks her.

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    • She only begged the moment it happened, and told me the next day if I ever change my mind to tell her. 2 months later I told her I wanted to reconcile but she was already dating someone and said no

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    • Oh really? Well what does that mean? What do I do?

    • Actually wait can I private message you? I need to give you a proper run down of the breakup because it might not be silence mode.

  • Maybe the same length of the relationship or maybe even just a few days, you never know. My dad took years to get over it.

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  • Year+

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  • It may take up to 18 months. You're supposed to divide time you were involved in half to sort it out.

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  • Do you want her to come back? You broke up with her, she may be very happy in this new relationship.

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    • You'll have to read some of the other conversations here. I explained it there

    • Hmm, I broke up with someone I was in a 2 1/2 yr relationship with and had those doubts too (did I make the right choice) at the end of the day you broke up with her for a reason, follow your gut and move on b/c at this point she is as well. So, it's all you can do least you try your turn at homewrecker.

  • I would say for a year relationship about 2 months or so before beginning to date again. So in 4 months she could very realistically be over you. She may have struggled when the relationship first broke up, but is flourishing now. Whereas for you it got harder over time and now the tables have turned because you want her back.

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    • A 3 year relationship?

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    • It sounds like it may just be a rebound. But to be honest maybe you should focus more on yourself and trying to get over her than what she's doing.

    • She told me to leave it alone and that we wouldn't get together again. But I figure it would make sense to say that considering we hadn't had space for more than 2 weeks at a time since the breakup and she was in a fresh dating relationship with the new guy. We should pm because there's a lot of details to consider

  • I don't know if she will come back, personality typing has nothing to do with it. Are you better off?

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    • Ok just checking all variables, no im worse off, she made me a better person and was my best friend, it's almost like we had known each other since childhood.

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    • People get back with their exes happily all the time, it's bad to throw around advice that's not productive and convinces people not to try to get something that would make their life happier

    • It's not "bad" at all. U asked for an opinion and I gave u mine. U may get back with her, u may not. Being realistic in life is practical. Tc

  • 2 years

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  • Why didn't you try to fix things with her, and ofc she'll move on, after she begged you and gave you a chance to come back to her.

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    • What's ofc? She only begged the day of and within a couple days said she was doing great. I didn't get a chance to think, once I had time to process she was already dating someone else

  • It varies from person to person there is not telling from what you've said whether or not she will come back. However you made the choice to leave and you need to accept the fact that you fucked up.

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    • I do, I'm still gonna see what's up down the line with her though because I want her

  • why are you wondering now that will she come back or not? you were the one who broke up with her!!! that's what most pf you guys do. including girls. breakup with the person that loves them, don't even make an effort to make things right and when they finally move on,,,, you start wanting them back and wonder if they'll come back or not. pfft

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    • you hurt her a lot , she was broken then after that she found a guy that she wanted to date. it's only a rebound when they're the ones to breakup. but when they get heartbroken they don't even want to date anyone. no rebound in that case. but she started dating somebody means she has moven on. good for her. because you were the one who shattered her heart

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    • sure I'll send you a message. my net isn't working priperly though so maybe I won't be able to talk and repky that thoroughly right now. but we can talk tomorrow

    • Ok thanks

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