Why would you leave town after someone broke up with you?

So I broke up with someone about a month ago for cheating on me. When I didn't take him back, he said I'd never have to see him again and that he was leaving town. I think he actually did, but that strikes me as a really odd thing to do (he's only lived here for 2 years, but he has family here that he said he wouldn't leave) so I was wondering if anybody else has ever done this or what would cause it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have a theory:

    1. Either a) he already had plans to move, or b) this job was meaningless to him and quitting was not a big deal to him.

    2. He felt guilty about cheating. I'm not suggesting that anyone feel sorry for him, as he only felt guilty after he got caught. Many cheaters feel sorry. . . about being caught.

    3. The best way to resolve his guilty was to contrive a situation where he either had a reason to also be angry at you or to blame you for some major upheaval in his life.

    4. When you refused to take him back (EXCELLENT move, BTW!) he was compelled to follow through on his promise.

    5. Now he blames you for his upheaval and feels that he has paid an adequate price for his cheating. He has found a way to let himself off the hook.

    What do you think?

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    • I like those theories. The part-time job I know he quit was kind of meaningless except that he was really good friends with the owner, but he worked for his brother for his main job, so he really left his brother hanging on this. And he's only in America on a work Visa, so it's going to be hard for him to get another job somewhere else. He had told me he wouldn't leave his brother and family, but I guess that's a lie too

      I guess he could be trying to blame me since he's still in denial that he cheated even though I have screenshots of him trying to hookup with my friend. Not sure how this would cause him to feel justified, but none of his actions make sense anymore, so that could be it

      I know for a fact he feels guilty because he's tried to make me jealous by flirting with other girls in front of me and tried to get me back, but he's only turned me off even more with that

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    • Yeah, I never said this was a logical response! This is one of those "the best defense is a good offense" tactics.

    • Lol okay. I think I get what you're saying now. He doesn't want to admit it was his fault, so he's trying to blame me for it instead. Yeah he did a bit of that too, so I guess that has to make sense

Most Helpful Girl

  • Omg! My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and he was transferred for work here from Europe. He lived here for 3 years and recently I found out he moved back. He didn't update any of his social media so it all says he's still here but I lurked on his friends of friends profile and they posted pics recently and he's in all of them wow I am shocked and I am trying to find out too why would they just randomly leave without telling anyone?

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    • Seriously? I didn't know if anyone else had this happen. Did you see any warning signs of him doing this? I didn't because our relationship was great and he didn't seem unsatisfied with anything

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    • He's 30 and Bosnian

    • Yeah it made me sick and depressed right after since he was my first boyfriend. I'm glad he left because I don't want to have to see him ever again

What Guys Said 15

  • Maybe it was the other way around. Maybe he was staying because of you. So when you broke up he no longer had much reason to stay.

    As a rolling stone myself, I know for some people it takes almost no reason whatsoever to move. What might seem like a big thing to you, might be nothing at all to someone else.

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    • I actually hadn't thought about that. He's moved around a lot the last two years, but has been staying here for his brother. That one actually makes a lot of sense

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    • Wow. I don't know what's going on with him. But it sounds like it's about a lot more than just you. This is a huge guess, but I'd guess he has a lot going on in his head, and you just got caught up in it. It's also possible that even though he cheated, that he was hurt a lot by losing you - so now he's escaping or running because he doesn't know how to handle it.

      If you want closure, or you're wondering if it's something about you, or you just want to know what went wrong, I'm guessing that it isn't anything you did (or didn't do). I'm guessing that this is internal issues with him.

      Lol, I'm speculating so much and shouldn't be doing that. But it's just the sense I'm getting.

      Anyway, it's very late and I need to get to bed. If you want to continue I'll be logged tomorrow (as always).

    • Thank you. That actually does help

      My biggest thing is I don't know what happened between "This is going to last forever. I want to marry you and have kids together. You're my dream girl" to cheating on me and leaving town... but I guess I probably will never really know what happened

  • Sorry that your first relationship ended that way, but for reactions like that, you'll have to remember that they're said only to provoke you into changing your mind. Now I really don't know if he left or not, but he said it to fuck with your mind. Call it quits, and look ahead. Do not take a cheater back.

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    • Thank you. I was aware he was saying it to provoke me into changing my mind, but I honestly wasn't expecting him to actually go through with it (I know he's gone because he quit his job). It seems irrational and he'd told me he wouldn't move anywhere because of his family

      I feel like him leaving actually makes it easier for me to look ahead now. There's nothing he could ever do to get me back, especially not now

    • Awesome, good to hear 😊

  • That's strange that he would leave just because you broke up with him. I don't know how small your town is but if you two run in to each other a lot in public he might find it too awkward, so he moved to avoid such situations. Another reason is that he took it very personal or has a guilty conscience and wants to get as far away as possible from you hence his saying you'll never see him again.

    I don't know in what manner you ended your relationship but if it ended in a argument it might take awhile for him to get over it.

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    • Definitely not a small town and he has many means to avoid me considering he knows where I work, live, and go out to. I'd bet it's the taking it personally and having a guilty conscience

      I ended things because he cheated on me. I told him before we started going out I wouldn't tolerate cheating of any kind, so I don't know why he thought he'd be able to get away with it. He tried to deny everything, but my friend sent me screenshots of him trying to hookup with her, so there's no debating what happened

      I know he isn't over me because he kept trying to make me jealous and only told me he was going out of town after I told him I wouldn't take him back

  • He proabably had some other plans because of that he left town. And he told you just to make you think he is really sorry for what he did and was probably hoping you will take him back.

    Cheating should not be tolerated. You did right.

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    • Now that I think about it, he did mention a friend who invited him overseas, but I thought he was going in a couple of months. Maybe he went earlier because I freed up his schedule...

      Thanks. And I told him before we got together I wouldn't tolerate cheating, so I still don't know why he did it

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    • But that's the thing that confuses me. I have screenshots my friend took of him trying to hookup with her yet he denies it and he never apologized. He kept trying to get me back by making me jealous (which only turned me off even more)

      I'm definitely not going to take him back after this and I have a zero tolerance for cheating policy

    • Thats really messed up. Good that you are out of it.

  • he just did that to make you feel awful about yourself
    he probably had plans anyways

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    • Makes sense. He's been trying to make me jealous by hitting on other girls in front of me (which only turned me off and made me want him less) and told me he regrets meeting me. I told him he needs to get over me if he feels that way because cheating was his choice and he knew I'd break up with him if he got caught

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    • and taking him back would have not been the smartest decision since you would have ended up more hurt and feeling like your nature was being taken advantage of

    • True. It's a good thing that didn't happen. I'm better off without his drama in my life

  • He may have had other reasons for leaving town. It's hard to believe he'd leave ONLY because of this. Unless it's a VERY small town!!

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    • That's what a lot of people are saying and I guess he just told me that's why to try and make me feel bad. It makes sense he'd have another reason because it seems pretty irrational and he said he wouldn't leave his family. And nah, I don't live in a small town

  • No, but where I live it's large enough that I'd never run into them again too. If it were a small town maybe my attitude would be different.

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    • It would've been easy for him to avoid me since he knows where I work, live, and go out and it's certainly not a small town, so that's not it

  • RASAYS Why are you concerned with this? If he cheated on you and you refuse to take him back why are you presenting THIS query? Do YOU LOVE him? LOVE is precious. IN forgiveness lies the stoppage of the wheel of KARMA. To err is human. to forgive is DIVINE. Maybe you should consider forgiving him. MAYBE you should consider allowing a MENAGE A TUA, a three way sexual experience with another woman and this guy!!! We LOVE YOU. WE are RA. We are GOLDEN. LOVE<3

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    • Yeah I still love him. He was my first boyfriend and I thought we were going to get married and have a family. But I can't forgive him for what he's done and I don't love the person he's become, only the person I thought he was when we were together. He hasn't even apologized, so I can't even forgive him semantically

      Absolutely no way am I sharing a man with anyone else. I'm a virgin now and will remain one until I find the right man who's actually willing to wait for me

    • RASAYS Determination to remain a virgin is very very GOOD. We are happy you are happy to be pure. Please realize that you are very young, experience not known to you abounds in the future. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. ALWAYS consider everything in your experience to be perfect for you development as an HOLY GOD!. There is much more to life than you are capable of realizing now. BE HAPPY no matter WHAT you think you are perceiving. YOUR PerCEPTIONS ARE DISTORTED its not your fault YOU HAVE BEEN CONTROLLED TO HAVE DISTORTED PERCEPTIONS by parents and teachers. ITS NOT THEIR FAULT they have been CONTROLLED to provide improper considerations. YOU ARE SAFE, YOU ARE SAVED!!! CONSIDER THE GRAND PERSPECTIVE of what you think of as GOD and use this as your personal advantage. This is an important TOOL for YOU! CONSIDER THIS perspective CONSTANTLY!!! Any more questions? We are available. We LOVE YOU! We are RA. We are GOLDEN. LOVE<3

    • Lol. Thank you for the positivity

  • No, i wouldn't leave town. I think he just said them things
    to make you feel bad.

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    • It seems a lot of people think it was to try and make me feel bad, so I guess that's part of it. But I know he left because he quit his job

  • No.
    Why the F should I leave. I also live there.
    We could just ignore each other if we see each other.

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  • No I wouldn't leave.

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  • you're dating now?

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  • to never see her again

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  • bye 2 him

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    • Haha yeah I already broke up with him and told him I'm not going to take him back, but I just think it's weird he's the one leaving town since he knew I'd break up with him if I ever caught him cheating, but he chose to do it anyway. I have less family here than him and leaving town never crossed my mind

  • no I wouldn't

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What Girls Said 5

  • My ex said that yet the fucker is still here 😒 but to answer your question no, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction

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    • My question I "why", not "would", but saying your ex never left kind of answers it

    • Oops sorry I misread that! But yeah he may have said that because he felt that he wouldn't be able to stop old feelings coming back if he ever saw you around again

  • Good riddance to bad rubbish! He probably wanted to secretly break up but is staging it to look like you are the bad guy. He may hang onto that jive ass story and try to reunite with you at a later time, sometimes even years later.

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    • Hmmmm. I could see him genuinely trying to get back with me once he realizes how stupid he was. But why would he have tried to get back with me and couple of weeks ago if he wanted to break up with me? People told me all the time they could tell he really liked me (three days before he cheated on me even) and he said I was his dream girl. I don't know. I still don't get why he cheated on me, but leaving town is taking this to a new level of confusion

    • It doesn't really matter. He is a loser for doing all of that stuff and you need to stop worrying about whatever feelings he had. He disrespected you by cheating and he'd do it again easily.

    • True. He wouldn't even admit he did it, so I know he would do it again. I just think it's irrational behavior for him to up and leave town like that, especially wen he said he wouldn't leave his family

  • It probably hurt him secretly.

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    • I know it did because he started acting immature, tried to make me jealous, and tried to get me back. He wouldn't have gone through all that trouble if it didn't hurt him. But he's the one who chose to cheat knowing I'd break up with him if I found out

  • he probably had a legitimate reason to leave that has nothing to do with you. It's just the timing.

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    • Yeah probably. That makes the most sense. But he didn't tell me he was going anywhere soon when we were still together, only that he was going somewhere in a couple months

    • he probably already planned it you just gave him a little nudge to leave sooner

  • Fuck that shit. He'll be the one to leave town, not me.

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