I can't stop thinking about another man?

I've been married for 3.5 years and my marriage isn't going well.

Back in March, I found myself flirting innocently with a guy from work. This has now developed into a very intense connection and there's a lot of sexual tension between us. We're both married and have both tried to keep our distance and fight it but it's not helping!! In fact, i would say it's getting stronger.

I'm at the stage now where I actually want to cross that like. I've told my husband that I'm thinking of leaving (however I'm not leaving for this other man!!), and I now know that I'm seeing the other man again soon for a work event.

He occupies my thoughts day and night. When I do things with my husband, I wonder what it would be like to do it with the other man. I think of him when I have sex wth my husband (now a rare occurrence) and I've even shed a tear afterwards knowing that my affections lay elsewhere.

I just don't know what to do here.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would suggest rekindling the marriage through communication. Perhaps what you're feeling is the same way your husband is feeling. You might just be in a stage of lust, which is normal. Talk to your husband, he's the man your married to, don't give up marriage because your lust and sex drive get the better of you. It's not supposed to be easy, work it out, talk.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is he in a relationship? I would tell you to fight your urges. You may only be feeling this way because you are unhappy and super vulnerable. You don't want to do anything that you will regret while you are unhappy. Although it may seem that being with this other man will make you happy , it won't. I'm sure you will only feel even more empty and possibly cheap.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • 1. " I found myself flirting innocently" Who are you trying to fool? If you are married and flirting with another guy, it is not innocent and you know it.

    2. What do you want with the other guy? You want a LTR or you just want to get laid?

    3. He is married. Do you want to take part in breaking up two marriages?

    4. If you don't love you husband and there is no way to fix your marriage, then leave him and file for divorce.

    5. Dating while you are in the process of a divorce is unfair to whoever you date unless you both openly acknowledge that you are just looking for sex.

    6. You need to spend some time thinking about why your marriage did not work instead of just running off to play Hide The Sausage. Don't learn from your mistake and you will probably repeat it.

    7. Most of the above assumes that you do not have any children with your husband because you did not mention children. If you forgot to mention them, that is an even bigger problem.

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  • Well there is no easy answer. more often then not the troubles start when there is a failure in communication. At some point you must ha e thought your husband was the best man in the world. I would try to remember some of those times and talk with your husband. about those memories. And also what you would like to see happen. in your marriage. ask him what he would like in the marriage. counseling would proubably be a good idea. And on one final note. remember something that Snoopy said. The grass is always greener on the other side of the dense. To you get there and find out it's artificial turf.
    please don't cross the line. its so not worth it

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    • There's been a total lack of communication but we've only been together for 5 years (1.5 dating and 3.5 married) so the majority of our time together has been tough and struggling.

    • would you p. m. me I'd like to ask a few questions. mostly try I g to find answers to my failed marriage. I'd be very thankful

  • maybe you should divorce your man and then cross whatever lines you want
    you might be a great person and I'd like to know more of your side

    but remember if you do cross the line, you are setting two families up for disaster
    and this sexual tension if fades after one time and you end up ruining your mind for the rest
    have you thought about that?

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    • It has entered my head - but the desire to be with him tends to overrule any other logical thought. And the chances are, the actual sexual act (if it ever happened), wouldn't be anywhere near as good as what the tension we feel.

    • I'd like you to talk about the turmoil that you are going through for you to be able to think straight after it
      but I dont want you to put it in public because you'll get tremendous backlash
      drop me a message

  • The grass is always greener... Try to rekindle that spark with your hubby. Relationships are not meant to be static. Love ebs and flows. Your attraction to the co-worker can fade into nothing. Your love for your husband can grow and deepen with time and commitment.

    Good luck

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  • The other guy is essentially just a placeholder. He's irrelevant to the issue at hand.

    The bottom line is that you are unhappy in your marriage to the point that you actually told your husband that you are thinking of leaving.

    You crave things you aren't getting out of this marriage. Leave this toxic relationship and go from there. Maybe this guy will be a part of it. Maybe another guy down the road. Either way, a loveless, joke of a marriage isn't worth sticking around for.

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    • You're probably very right - my coworker is a distraction and probably isn't the man I'm supposed to be with either (and I'm trying to keep my eyes open to that also). The main issue is that I'm not getting what I need from my marriage and I don't feel I'm with the right man. Although he is a good man, that's not always enough. I want love, passion, romance and I also want my future wants and ambitions to be matched to someone else's. I feel me and my husband want very different things

  • i think you need to piss or get off the pot.

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  • What made you marry ur husband in the 1st place? Maybe try rekindling ur love for each other. Try to see the positive in the negative. marriage ain't something you can throw away easily. maybe try spicing things up in the bed. maybe go out on a romantic date to see how you feel about ur hubby. I'm sure he has his positive sides that made you fall for him.

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  • Only you can say "no" to yourself, to your husband and to that other man. And you surely DO KNOW what to do. You already know you're not happy with your marriage but you also know that other man is a wrong choice for you.

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    • But what if my marriage is just going down the toilet because of how I'm feeling about this other man? This is the difficult thing - making that final decision and knowing I've made the right one

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    • Then why are you still married?

    • I worry in case I leave and it's the wrong decision. And I worry that maybe the last few months wouldn't have been so tough if my attention hadn't been so focussed on my colleague. If I could get him out of my head, that would give me a proper chance to work on my marriage but I just can't stop thinking about him and wanting him

  • see marriage is not a playful thing that u can change with your partner whenever u want.. so make a converstion with your husband for your sex drive and m? ay be there are some solutions as u r now with a man other than your parents? with whom u can share everything about your life... so in my opinion u should talk to your husband about this...

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    • We've been talking a lot. I told my husband in February that I thought our marriage was over and things haven't improved for me. I've lived with other men before so it's not like I've moved straight out from my parents house

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    • We've just been trying to work on it. He loves me and our life together and he wants to work it out.

    • If he loves u then he should understand your and may give some sacrifices for that love... and yeah both try to shut it out as soon as possible..

  • that's the reason marriage never get Succeed... what if once u get marry with Ur coworker. n u find other man attractive. marriage is fkin bullshit.

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  • get divorced

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  • Leave the husband and be happy. Simple as that. Don't cheat. Remorse is unprofessional

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  • 3 way or marriage consulting or divorce

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  • You have to take a quick & strong decision either to leave him or your husband

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  • If You dont have kids with your husband fallow your heart. go with the one You really love.

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    • But how can I know that it's true feelings I'm feeling for my coworker? And that my marriage really is over? It's knowing that I'm making the right decision, that's what's hardest

    • in time You will know that are the trupe feelings or not

What Girls Said 7

  • Your seeking happiness, this other man brings you happiness that's why you think about him so much cause your trying to escape the void your feeling in your marriage. You need talk with your husband and maybe get some counseling. It's only been 3 years, if you fall in and out love with people that fast, then the little flirt play you have going on with your co worker won't last either.

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  • You should wait till you're separated before you explore your feelings for this other guy.

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  • How about stop acting like a disgusting harlot, work on your marriage and BACK OFF FROM MARRIED MEN! Were you raised in a barn? Do some of you women jump ship at the first sign of trouble?

    Guess what honey, MARRIAGE ISN'T ABOUT HAVING LOVEY DOVEY FEELINGS 24/7!! Where were you when you were saying your I do's? Those vows mean nothing to you?

    Marriage is about team work! You sound like an all round selfish person and women like you deserve the worst punishment.

    But I have prayed the worst curse on you if you dared be a homewrecking whore to another married man. Bitch.

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  • Time to get a divorce first... separate then you can do other men.

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  • Tell your husband how you're feeling. Tell him about the other man.

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  • talk to your husband about it and divorce

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  • How was your marriage before you meet your coworker? If you were unhappy before you might be misplacing your emotions.

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    • My marriage wasn't good when I met my coworker. My marriage hasn't been good for 3 years 😢

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    • It's awful. When I told him in February that I thought our marriage was over, he was devastated. He cried and cried and although I felt bad for hurting him, that was the depth of my emotion. 😢

    • That's hard. Very hard. Don't let that stop you. I know it sounds horrible. In the end he should realize it's best for him also.

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