Advice on how to leave sons father?

I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. From the very beginning he has been dishonest, deceitful, and done things I'm not comfortable with my boyfriend doing. Having fake Instagram and Facebook accounts, following women on snap chat, messaging women, visiting backpage and contacting prostitutes.(Says it was just for entertainment) friend requesting many women he doesn't know, strippers, public figures that are really just naked women. Telling me to dress and dye my hair like a girl he seemingly is obsessed with. I don't trust him and whenever confronted he has lied to me until I've given proof then he comes up with an excuse or gets angry. In hindsight I should have broken up with him right away but I really was madly in love with him. I can't get over anything in the past because periodically the same things keep happening.. I don't trust him whatsoever, I know I never will and I want to break up. The thing is, we have a son who is 6 months old. I live with him in a different state then my family and right now my son and I are financially dependent on him. Without going into great detail, without physically cheating (no proof) he has done things that are irreparable to me. He dosent have the morals I want in a partner. Any advice on how to end things Amicably? This relationship is detrimental to my mental health and I'm not the mom I want to be because I'm littered with anxiety and depression over this. Advice please!!

Updates:
I should add that we don't have sex anymore and haven't had a real kiss in about 2 years.. he stopped kissing me and was more interested in porn and I struggled to make him "want me" for a couple years before I was finally ok with giving up. Now I don't care to be physical with him at all.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "From the very beginning..."
    So he was always that way and yet you fell hopelessly in love with him. Way too many people have no idea what love really is. With his behavior out from the beginning you still had sex with him and got pregnant. Now after 4 years you are finally getting wise. Whatever way you decide to do it, you need to convince yourself to follow through on leaving him and getting your life in order. Make arrangements with your family to move back, tell him that is what you are doing, and do it. You should see a lawyer for advice on the custody problems that brings up, but you need to make the move.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • From the beginning? Yet you had a kid with him anyway? Like? Get a job, so you're not relying on him and leave when you can. Then go to the courts and sort visitation etc.

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    • Yes. I said in hindsight I should have broken up with him but love is blind. We fell pregnant while I was on birth control. I still care about him but he's not the man for me. I do have a job and I'm trying to save but it's hard. I asked for advice on how to break up amicably.

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    • And answer me this, why isn't a amicable split possible? I was looking for tools on how to do this because previous attempts have failed and was wondering if I was missing something. And you are ignorant if you think just because he doesn't care for me, splitting on good ir bad terms shouldn't matter.. why yes it does, when a baby is involved... stupid women you are to think a mother wouldn't be concerned the ways this ends for the sake of her child.

    • *You're. But yeah ok 👍 If you say so. I love how you've not had anything to say to the other commenters who echoed what I said though. But I'm a woman right so it's easier to call me a bitch instead of looking at your situation critically and figuring things out. At no point have I resorted to name calling or insults. But whatever, I can see that you're far too sensitive to critism to learn and grow from your situation.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Why does he financially support you, if he cares so little about you, and why do you use him for his money. I know it sounds harsh, but you need to think about that, and then you may find a way to leave amicably. Sorry for you though, it's a tricky situation.

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    • Well I suppose I'd have a hard time putting a roof over mine and my sons head as I can only work part time and can't afford daycare at the moment to allow me to work full time. Any advice on how to approach him without him using finances against me? Also any advice on how I can get him to agree with me that moving home where I have more support would be the best for our son? I can't go on like this. I guess I'm just lost, I want the best for our son, but I'm really depressed living a lie with him and feel bad most days.. I can't keep my mind free from thoughts of all he's done.

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    • I agree that in the long run it will be cheaper for him and we both will be more happy. But he wants to make it work and I'm spent, and I can't convince him otherwise.

    • There isn't anything more I can say, that would be any help. A counselor would help, but only if you want to stay, and a lawyer would help if you wanted to leave, but can you afford it

What Girls Said 1

  • Who is he obsessed with?

    It may never be an amicable break. Sounds like he might be very nasty when you tell him, you want out. Best thing I can tell you is be honest. Be true to yourself. Your first step has already began.

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    • Thank you. I appreciate your response. Although it's hard I do need to be true to myself, just hard finding the way alone.

    • Hard, but not impossible

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