Should I go back there?

So I was in a relationship with a man 10 years older than me for about a year or so. We lived together an did most things together. I thought we were reasonable 'happy' except a few things that got on my nerves like him msging other females an not knowing about it for a while an then finding out. (a woman always knows..) An then one day he left me for another girl, an ex girlfriend in fact. She has a daughter an he's a sucker for kids. I was totally devastated for months. I had to take care of moving out an everything by myself. I asked him continuously what did I do, please come back blah blah blah... He insisted his decision was final. So eventually each day I got better an started to cleanse, then out of the blue he messages me saying sorry. I didn't except at first then I did then one thing lead to another, he left her an came back to me. We have been seeing each other for about 5 months now on and off. I'm ready to get back together but for some reason he still wants to message these girls. I don't want him to. I told him its them or me, he said either way he loses something. So for the millionth time I have stopped messaging him/not replying. He says he wants me but does he really? I'm so over it all, I just want something final. I can't go on like this anymore. Also another thing I might add is I find myself catching him out on random lies. Would it be like this forever? Do I go back there or just cleanse myself from him an slowly make him a distant memory?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, reading this I felt like we were dating the same person. My boyfriend (now ex), who was exactly 10years older than me, broke up with me a few days ago and one of the biggest problems we had in our relationship was him keeping in contact (a lot of contact) with his exes and past hookups. It always made me really uncomfortable, which I told him as much, but he made excuses why he "had" to keep in touch. I think it's an ego boost to have girls faun over them so of course they don't want to let that go. He also had a tendency to cloud the truth. He'd often say conflicting things that made it hard to trust him. If you're going to be able to make a relationship work with him then his messaging other girls will either have to no bother you or he has to stop. You've already asked him to stop and he didn't sound very receptive. At this point I'd make it clear that if he wants to be with you, he needs to make those changes or else you're out the door (that part you have to mean and follow through with). Maybe when he realizes how serious you, it'll push him to make a real decision. It's very possible he will be unwilling to give up the messaging and in that case you'll be happier in the long run if you move on. I know it might not feel like that right now, but it's more painful to stay and continue to get hurt. Good luck and I'm sure whatever happens will be for the best!

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    • Yes, I totally agree. Its not that they are lying but it is in a sense. It's wierd. Yeah I've said to him its either them or me. That's it. No more. He knows I love him an exactly how it is. Its been a couple days now an he hasn't contacted me lol I shouldn't laugh but I know he will soon. If someone means that much to you, you would do anything to get them? Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. Its like I know I should move on but just need someone that understood to say so

    • So just recieved a message for him saying... " OK well its like this I want you jade an want us to be together no games I do what you want please talk to me, I want to see you" Is this just crap or real? Why can't this be easy??

    • I don't know, I wish it were easy! I can't tell you if he's being genuine or if he's just trying to get you to contact him. I would go with your gut instinct because you know him best. A good way might be to get in touch with him and feel out the situation.

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What Guys Said 1

  • he's almost 40 and the fact that he's behaving like this and there's not many life stages of growth for him left unlike you, you might want to consider him what you see if what you get for the long haul

    he obviously has an attachment to you for your young energy which the other gals probably don't have...the sex says it and the activities outside the bedroom also says it

    i am surprised he didn't help you to move out after he kicked you out...says something about his chivalry personality or lack there of

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    • Hes 29 I'm 19, so yeah I would think he should start to mature a lil. hmm maybe not.

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