What are your experiences with getting closure? Is it worth it? ...I just want to ask him "why?"

Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 months, then he moved away and things ended between us. I had known we were going to break up 3 months prior to the move because we had talked about it. I asked him what was going to happen between us, long-distance, break up, or what, and he didn't see any other choice but to break up. He didn't even consider having a long-distance relationship, despite the fact that he'd always speak so passionately about his love for me.

He's been gone for 2 months, and we've barely spoken. Just casual texting, like nothing ever happened. I've been doing very well through the whole thing, but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to get some closure, wanting to get some answers.

The day before he left, he told me we would still be friends; he told me that I would always be his best friend. Obviously that's not how things are now, so whatever. That's his deal. I don't care either way anymore.

I've been thinking a lot about it, and the question that I think would help bring me closure would be to ask him why he didn't want to try? I know long-distance relationships rarely work, and I know it might have just ended up badly anyways, and I know it might have been impractical, but still. When two people really love each other, you'd think they'd at least TRY. I feel like he just gave up. What's past is past and I can't change that, but I really just want to know why.

My mom thinks I shouldn't do anything and keep things the way they are: no contact with him besides the rare occasions he randomly texts me. She sees how well I've been handling everything and doesn't think I should open up new problems again. She thinks it would just expose me to more pain. Maybe she's right, but I still feel the need to ask him why...

What do you guys think? What are your experiences with closure? Is there a better way to go around this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I always like closer just because I get to learn about what didn't work in the relationship so I don't make that mistake again. However, it is REALLY easier for a guy to not give you that closure. They either don't want to tell you the answers or don't know the answers.

    I would say let sleeping dogs lie. However, if you need to ask him to feed your curiosity, then ask. There is a good chance he won't be willing to give a good answer. Let him know that you won't be hurt by anything he says and you just need the truth. If he doesn't want to talk to you about it, don't press the issue. It will just frustrate both of you. Furthermore, make sure you are ready for an answer you don't want to hear if he does decide to tell you.

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    • That's true; I haven't really thought much about what happens after I ask him, hah. But I'm at the point right now where I don't feel like he has power over me anymore. I've positioned myself to where he can't hurt me again. The truth is all I want, whether it may be hard to hear or not. You're right. Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it. :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • Closure doesn't help anything...

    ..it just drags everything on to even think about it.

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  • You know why, ldr are hard to keep, he will probably find someone else even thought he has feelings for you. Do you want that, stay in a ldr and him seeing other people or you likewise. Maybe move on...or go to him if you really want to be with him.

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What Girls Said 2

  • well I think you should ask him why it ended like that and what if he moves bk then maybe if you too really liked one another then you would be able to try things out again

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    • Yeah, things ended in a weird way. We were both madly in love with each other up until the day he moved. Everything between us just stopped after that. I'd just like to just get some answers, get some closure, and move on. Thanks! :)

  • yeah any time well when ever really'

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