I'm infatuated by someone else - should I divorce my husband?

I've been married less than 4 years and although my husband is a good man, the start of our marriage has been incredibly tough.

Recently (in the last 4 months), I've noticed myself becoming increasingly interested in a male coworker and we have this incredible chemistry and connection between us, I've never felt anything like this before. He's also married.

We haven't acted on it but we both feel the same way and I'm wondering now if this is a sign that I need to think about leaving my marriage? I don't mean to be with this other man, I mean the fact that I've fallen so hard for someone surely means that I can't be happy in my marriage and maybe me and my husband are at the end of our journey.

Hoping to get input here from someone that's been through this before or can add insight into how I'm feeling.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow! You are talking about serious business here and need to think very carefully about what you are doing.
    No one should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. Particularly if there are no children to think about. But at the same time, in my opinion, it would be a mistake to leave a marriage because you are attracted to someone else.
    The question you should be asking yourself is would you leave if there was no one else out there. That's because there is no guarantee that the man you are attracted to may not be there for you.
    Make a decision based on facts that you know are unlikely to change.

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    • I wouldn't be leaving for the other man, I doubt he'd leave his wife and it's certainly not a question I'd be asking him!! It has made me consider whether I should be continuing with my marriage though, if I'm able to feel this way about another man, how happy can I really be?

Most Helpful Girl

  • The grass is greener where you water it.
    Infationation and lust happens where you let it, and you've continued to put yourself in this situation. Giving all of the good, happy and light emotions into a man who isn't your husband. Leaving him with the mundane.

    You should absolutely consider leaving your marriage if you're unable to stay away from temptation. Marriage means constant work with your partner and choosing to invest in them every time. Not sneaking around and spending so much time with another man you've had time to develop an emotional attachment. Your husband deserves better than this

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    • We don't spend any one on one time together - I'm definitely not trying to start something with this man. But feelings have developed regardless

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • What's been tough in your marriage? try and work on your issues there? you married your husband and as long as he isn't abusive or taking advantage of you and you do/dis love him try and rekindle the spark? ask yourself the question would you be happier without your husband now, then stick out another 3 months and ask yourself again. if your answer both times is yes you either know what to do or to at that point open up to your husband you've had these thoughts and give him one last chance in knowledge of you dissatisfaction to fix your marriage with you. all the best! think about consequences of divorce, did you sign a prenuptial? how would you live/ how would your husband live etc good to think through it all first before you divorce so you can reasonable expectations of what's going to happen

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    • I did love him - I'm not sure I do any more. It's been a very trying time financially and I think that has really pushed a wedge between us that over time, has increased. It has driven us to lead individual lives as opposed to couples. I already have a plan - I would leave and start again. He can keep everything. We don't have any joint savings and I earn a lot more than him so it would be easier for me to start again.

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    • it could be your mind is already made up. and your just prolonging and drawing out the inevitable. is your husband miserable with the current state of things? could you consider staying married, having a bit if time apart and coming back to each other to see if you want to continue? take a trip by yourself?

    • We're trying to work through it. He's sad but not miserable - neither of us are miserable

  • I've been in your situation (except it wasn't a co-worker ) - I think that once you feel like you're out of love, it's almost impossible to come back from there. Regardless of if you once loved them and they're all good person !
    I know that those flings or infatuation and going with that other person hardly ever work out though, but it sounds like it's not working out in your marriage, which sucks eh. That's tough; pm if you want to chat more x

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  • Just so you know, it's possible to love more then one person at a time just as strong as you can love anyone...
    Just look at kids.
    Are parents unable to love their kids roughly the same?

    You falling for this guy doesn't mean that you're not still in love with your husband.
    You asking the question on the other hand might be a sign in that direction though...

    What I suggest is to sit down and have a proper talk with him about how each of you feel about things.
    And consider more options then just staying or leaving.

    Perhaps you two can try something like a open relationship or a poly relationship?

    I don't know exactly what'll work the best for the two of you.
    But I do think that communication is the key whatever the solution happens to be.

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    • You should know if the other person would be up for an open relationship or a poly relationship before you get married. Why wait until after marriage?

    • @MysteriousDarkness Ideally, yes.
      But life isn't always that simple...
      Sometimes you go a whole life just being in love with one person at a time, and all of a sudden you fall in love with a second person while *still* being in love with a first one and you find out that you're poly...

  • i don't think you should end a marriage for an infatuation. i think you should try and work on whatever issues are present in your relationship.

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  • You didn't say a word about what problems you have had in your marriage and what you have done to work on them.

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  • "I mean the fact that I've fallen so hard for someone surely means that I can't be happy in my marriage and maybe me and my husband are at the end of our journey."

    For an average woman like you the "journey" always ends at 4~5 years down the road.
    Now you have the option of dumping your husband and getting back to the dating game as a shriveled up 30 year old with a possible dating pool of grown up fuckboys, alcoholics and bitter men like your soon to-be ex husband who have all probably already went MGTOW because of women like you.
    Or you can join the ranks of women who accepted that eternal love is a sham and that they rather put effort into a real relationship so they have some family and husband to get old with instead of becoming 40 year old alcoholics who made it a favorite past time to complain where "all the good men" have gone to while they are downing a bottle of scotch on Saturday afternoons.

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  • I recommend quickly to seek counseling and what you're feeling is a taste of Temptation that can highly ruin you because its true when you are taking, Temptation will hit you hard. You can feel the same for your husband but you both have to be on the same page and communicate on what your feeling together.

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  • Infatuation can cloud your judgement and can pass leaving you in the cold light of day wondering what you were thinking. You married your man for a reason, you saw a lifetime with him.

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  • The number two reason for divorce is sexual incompatibility (number one is about money).

    You have to make a decision: Do you want to stay married or not? If you do, then just have sex with the guy when you want and make sure he never tells his wife.

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  • I completely resonate with you. you feel so. amazing when you are in love tht you regret your marriage decesion. but i would suggest. before you plunge into a decesion for divorce just clarify if the guy is also ready to do that n be with you else you will be in a soup. DM. me. we can chat in this in detail

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  • leave him before you do anything and keep yourself clean and right... talk to him and just break up... if things is going wrong you don't need to keep together, but nobody deserves being cheated...

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  • HAHAHA. And women wonder why guys don't want to marry?

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  • This is exactly why marriage is simply unrealistic nowadays

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  • you're saying you're infatuated and then you're asking whether that means you should end a marriage? it's an infatuation.

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    • But surely if I was that happy, I'd never have been able to feel this way for another man?

    • it's always the beginning thats fun hence it's called an infatuation, if you think in this way, you'll never ever have a long happy marriage, it's not about the guy, it's about your thought pattern.

  • No.. Collect yourself and stay true to your commitment.

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  • Please end your marriage.

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  • go with and affair

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  • So many bitterness in the comments... So many little broken hearts? :)

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  • This is why Men shouldn't marry

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  • if you wanna sleep with someone, better divorce and do it after so it won't be cheating.

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  • you're going into very cautious grounds baby

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  • I wouldn't continue doing that.. he's married too and I'm pretty sure he won't leave his marriage

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    • I wouldn't be looking to leave my husband for him, I would never try and break someone else's family up but it has made me wonder if I should be married to my husband if I have such feelings for someone else

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    • I haven't actually done anything - nothing has happened with this guy, I haven't cheated

    • okay then there's nothing wrong that's going to happen too everybody even the best of us it's when you do something are you react on it.. you're fine but don't let it get no further than what it has already trying to focus more on the areas that may be lacking in your relationship with your husband and even though he may be the one lacking.. cuz I can see that you do care about him and you do honor your vows. I will y'all are going to be best friends and lovers and then some talk to him about it.. in a Casual way but don't mention this..

  • This is just one of the reasons why I don't respect of like women of my own generation.
    You socialized with someone else enough to damage your marriage. It is your own fault.
    I will never be in a relationship again with a woman from my generation from my experiences and observations.

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  • I'd stay married and just have the affair.

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  • I think you need to talk to your husband first and tell him about this coworker and the feelings your going through.

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  • It is just a attraction of time being.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Did you vow "until death do us part" or not?

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    • Not - we got married abroad so didn't have traditional marriage vows.

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    • Yes of course!! Why else would you get married?

    • Exactly. So find a way to make it work. It was never going to be easy.

  • The thing with marriage is that you both change over the years but you must learn to grow as a couple.
    The issue here would be that your coworker would be giving you more attention than your husband does, who doesn't like a bit of attention am I right?
    You can fall in love with your husband again but it takes work from both parties.
    To fall back in love again can be the most beautiful, amazing and wonderful experience.
    The thing is about emotions you can never tell anyone how they should feel.
    So it's really up to you.

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  • Have you attempted to repair things with your husband?

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  • divorce

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  • Divorcing only because other guy interests you is just quick thinking.
    Why, your husband doesn't fulfill your sexual needs?
    And please don't drag your coworker with you.
    This is were I will say Yes to cheating , if everything is good and same , then think about divorce.

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  • The grass is not greener. Work on your marriage before you move onto someone else. You can't start and new relationship with you really aren't over the first one.

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