I want him back but hate him?

i was trying to start a relationship with the sweetest guy for a year. i am currently going through depression, anxiety, and trust issues. he wanted to help me through these, and was very patient, however it ended in disaster.

in a moment of insecurity, i snooped through his phone. he knows i have trust issues, so he told himself he'd ask me and if i confessed he would forgive and forget. when he asked, i was too ashamed and disgusted to admit it, and he broke it off.

i never got answers, he was so mad he asked me to leave him alone nicely. he said i made him miserable and he tried to help me but failed. i really cared about him, i warned him that i would disappoint him, yet he still believed in me. these are texts from him. (see bottom)

i asked him if he would give me another chance in around fourty days after therapy, and he said "if i'm still available / single i will go out with u. but for now we are done. focus on finding yourself and don't worry about me"

he thinks i'm a bad condescending person. he's really mad but he said he doesn't hate me. i am currently going through therapy, however

do u think he will meet someone else in those fourty days?

and do u think he will forgive me? if he said "for now" we are done? should i just give him space? he said to ask him out sometime in August

how do i show him i'm not a bad person?
i want him back but hate him?
i want him back but hate him?
I want him back but hate him?
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