Wife wants a divorce... how to cope?

Wife just told me she wants a divorce... Obviously the process of me finding a place and the whole process will take months. This isn't a simple bf/gf breakup where I just move on immediately... how does one survive?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • it's hard to stop being in someone's life no matter if u r married living together seeing each other dating so on and so on. it hurts to be rejected by your significant other u love. it hurts everyone all around. And although it is quite selfish to go back on your word and even break a marriage contract the fact remains that something within her compelled her to change what was making her feel tortured. captive and insecure about herself so much so that she went to great lengths to imagine herself as she wished and then made it happen in order to gain her self respect and happiness. we may not agree with those types of actions but she did what made sense to her. speaking from experience similar to this I understand the drive she had to change at all cost.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This site might be a bit young for great advice in your situation - I would do some online research and find divorce forums of people who have been through similar to see what their experiences were like
    - I have no idea but I imagine it will hurt like F but with time becomes more bearable.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • why did she ask for the divorce?

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  • I got divorced after 22 years of marriage. Hardest thing I ever went through

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  • Oh, I'm sorry. My parents went through it, I'm sure you can to. Get a good lawyer.

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  • question: what is her motive for the divorce? if i can ask?

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    • and... did you see it coming or were you shocked out of your mind?

    • I was totally shocked... she really wants a separation... I knew there were problems; but I didn't think they were that bad.

    • well i think for now you should talk to her and really listen to what she thinks are your problems

      and try to see if you can convince her to solve them 1st with counseling

      but if you really want her to change her mind about divorce then you have to be commited to understanding why she even asked for a divorce 1st and commited to changing... and solving the problems

      cause if not then best to divorce

  • If you want to be with her, sit down and listen for her reasons. It may be too late for you, but it is a learning experience. Do not defend yourself or minimize your contribution to her decision. You may also check your feelings for her. Is it really for convenience you want to keep her?

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    • Looks like it is going to be a separation for now. We will likely seek counseling.

    • Find a good pro-marriage counsellor. Not many are. Get some self-help books about marriage problems. Check out Terrence Real books. Good luck

  • heyy dm me

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What Guys Said 15

  • In a crisis such as this, remember that every issue does not need to be addressed and solved today. For today, deal only with what you must address today.

    Before you move out of the house, consult an attorney.

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  • then explain split the house for the time being no one brings anyone home use the house as a separate household for both until you can find somewhere to go I understand if she wants to divorce it will come no matter what if you can't work the differences out unless you can sit down and talk about it and work it out

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  • This must be so hard. I feel for you buddy. AT the same time, things must have been going downhill for a while now. Make sure you come out of this divorce in the best possible shape you can. DOn't let your feelings or your depression stop you from doing well by yourself.

    Dating in your 50s is not as horrible as you might think.

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  • You ask a very broad, hard question.

    First, why do you need to find a place? I'm assuming you mean a place to live. If you have children in your home, that is another complication. But why doesn't she find a place?

    If you move out, her lawyer will argue that you abandoned your family. If you two have any ownership in your home, her lawyer will say you forfeited your share.

    Unfortunately, you will need good legal advice.

    Good luck.

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  • Move to another country.

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  • Did she see a guy in a better position than you? That's hypergamy mate. They're social climbers. They use men for resources and social position. Feminism made it possible by taking away the civil restraints of civilisation to keep that urge in check. No man should marry any more, the whole games rigged for them to do what they want. Business and politics panders to them because all they do is buy things constantly and waste money, perfect for keeping the economy booming eh and the money travelling up instead of down.

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    • why is always a "condition" that makes it the woman who is wrong. how about the Times that men are at fault and refuse to take responsibility for thier actions and clean up the mess that is made from thier actions and choices that affect others around them.

    • @muzixiz4me In this case, she got weight loss surgery... got her self confidence and basically is a totally changed person. I've always been an introvert from day one.. she has an Alpha personality who always wanted to take control... she admits fault at this. It is now down to a separation to "teach me to be able to take care of myself"

    • Lol they always steer it round to being your fault. What an attitude eh? I've looked in the mirror and decided your not worthy of me any more. That's not love mate. The vows say in sickness and in health, foresaking all others till death do you part. Some people just get married coz they think its a box to tick in life and to keep a wholesome public image, it's pathetic. Better to be alone than pretend. She did you a favour of she was that much of a phoney

  • Maybe it can be worked out. If you still wanna be with her tell her you'll do anything. Counseling, fix whatever problem it is, etc.

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  • Will she even consider counseling? Would you?
    ~JSmith

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    • we are both open to counseling,... or so she says.. it is hard to determine if she is telling me what I want to hear or what her true feelings are.

    • I would take her at her word and go to counseling. It may not be too late to turn things around.
      ~JSmith

  • Go with the flow hope it can be worked out

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  • Assuming you don't get ass-raped in divorce court, this is the best thing that could ever happen to you. You are still young enough to enjoy the freedom!

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  • sympathies man. seriously

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  • talk to her. a divorce doesn't come out of the blue. and seek support from friends and family

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  • Wait why do you have to move out?

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  • How long have you guys been together

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