Just broken up with boyfriend and could do with some advice?

I'll give the full details below:
Three years on and off we have been in a relationship. I'm the last few months he drifted, started liking provocative pictures of his ex from a while ago on Instagram as well as other girls he knows. It upset me greatly. We never really spoke, and when I eventually plucked up the courage to send him a message, having being afraid to do so he would tell me to go away. We never went out like we used to and I felt useless.
i don't know how to feel about this break up all I do know is I'm not finding it easy. I will still look at girls Instagrams to see what they have posted as I now feel inferior to them. I don't want to do this but I can't control myself 🙃.
My ex says he feels no need for sexual contact and doesn't know how he feels about everything. He popped up this morning saying he felt empty without me but doesn't know how he truly feels.
I need help with the comparison to other females, and preferably a non-professional diagnosis of what my ex could possibly have going on in his head. He's always been this way, but I am so confused.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm an 18 year old male and speaking from experience, when a guy truly likes a girl, he gives himself to her fully. He doesn't start looking at provocative pictures of his ex and tell his girlfriend to go away. He sounds like he's not serious about you and he seems to make you feel bad all the time. You seem like a nice girl, so don't waste your time on him; find a real man who treats you well and enjoys your company and wants to know the real you.

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What Guys Said 10

  • First off, with any breakup will come tremendous pain and misery but the important part is to accept that it is completely fine to be experiencing these emotions. Embrace and explore these feelings of sadness rather than trying to mask them. Good questions to ask yourself include: "What was done right in the relationship?", "What was done wrong in the relationship?", "What are your needs in a relationship?", "Will your ex be able to fulfill those needs?".

    Now onto why you are comparing yourself to other females. I could be completely wrong here, but I believe that many people tend to lose a bunch of confidence in themselves when they are going through a breakup and the first person they tend to criticize is themselves. There is the saying "you are your own worst critic" and I definitely think this quote describes what you are going through. I don't know why, but during breakups we just find ways to make ourselves feel even worse (I've been guilty of this plenty times). So through comparing yourself to other girls you are just trying to find flaws within yourself to kind of give you a reason why you are now in a breakup. Once again, it is perfectly normal to be experiencing these kinds of feelings but the important thing to always keep in mind is to try and learn from why you are engaging in these actions.

    As for your ex, there isn't enough information to really determine why he is doing/saying the things he is. To me, it just seems that he doesn't even know what he wants and is also going through the pain of the breakup as well. Always remember that a relationship is kind of like being addicted to a drug and whenever we are stripped away from a drug (in this case the relationship) we'll usually go through some sort of withdrawl (i. e: saying they miss you, wanting to get back together, checking their social media, looking at old pictures, etc)

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  • Well first off, 3 years is a long time so I don't think what you guys are going through is that strange or uncommon. It's kinda hard to explain but as guys we sometimes start to take things for granted in a relationship, especially when the thrill or excitement isn't there. So the longer a relationship goes on, unless there are things keeping it fresh and interesting then it's somewhat of a normal response for a guy to start to drift. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for the girl he's with, just that he's (unintentionally) losing interest. And then to make matters worse, as guys we usually kinda suck at communicating, especially when it comes to things that would involve trying to communicate/explain our emotions.

    I'll try to keep this somewhat short... I think the best thing to do at this point is for you both to agree to take some time apart, without any type of communication, to hopefully give each other space to clear your heads a little bit as you take a step back and assess the situation, and hopefully by having some space like that it'll provide him with a better perspective to help him figure out what he truly wants.

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    • Hope that helps. I didn't want to ramble on too much haha... but if you have any more questions feel free to message me.

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    • No problem! And I have a somewhat related question I'd be curious to get your opinion about... if you don't mind will you message me? (or give me a follow and I'll send you a message to try to explain)

    • Sure thing I'll follow u now

  • I just read the title
    1. Stay away from rebound
    2. Give your self time and I don't mean a month, let it be as long as you can
    3. Know that you're not the only one with this situation
    4. things like this happeneds all the time, this is life, it's how it works
    Its good to talk about it with a friend.
    Good luck.

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  • You should totally drop Instagram, and never talk to him anymore..
    You're probably a wonderful person, and you should find somebody that won't treat you lile shit..

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  • just take time to better yourself as a person career wise, school wise, etc and the right man will come along besides you're a very pretty girl should have no problem finding a good man

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  • It's not the end of the world. You will surely find someone who really cares and loves you much more than himself.

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  • because he doesn't know what he wants and he's playing with your emotions

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  • find other lol

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  • may be in my view u are complete and not need someone to complete u , you should take a decision and respect ur decision with taking all the past memories as what should be right and if u take decision maturely It will be right , so first try to know how a man he is really ok , its my point of view...

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  • move on

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