I had a boyfriend for over a year. He was my first boyfriend. He was always very jealous so we fought but it was always me saying "why don't you trust me" and him going " I want to but I'm afraid of loosing you" or something like that. I would always forgive him each time. He also kind of pressured/ manipulated me into doing stuff I wasn't really ready for like giving him hand and blowjobs. This stuff in hindsight I know were not the best but at the time I thought our relationship was pretty good. The day he broke up with me I was completely shocked. I thought he asked to see me bc he wanted to ask if we could have sex since it seemed like the next logical step in our relationship. I was prepared to agree. So when he got really quiet and asked if I knew why he wanted to talk my heart skipped and I was all prepared to say yes when he said "I think we should just be friends". I was shocked and all I could think is that it has to be a joke. I couldn't speak I just stood there and he just kept saying I want to still be friends and other typical breakup stuff. I wanted to ask why but I was afraid that I would start sobbing if I opened my mouth. I just turned around and started to walk home. He offered to walk me home but I just shook my head. I have barely spoken to him since. It's been two years and normally I think I'm perfectly fine. I've liked guys but I haven't had another boyfriend. He's had other girlfriends and it's less like it hurts me but it's like it's irritating. Anytime I start speaking about him it hurts so much. My best friend who had hated him for the longest time bc of how he treated me said that she talked to him recently and that she has forgiven him. I told her that I forgave him but I know that he has totally messed me up to have another relationship. I just want to know if what I'm feeling is normal. Should I have been passed this already. Is there anything I can do to make it better? Would I feel better if I knew the reason he broke up with me?