I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. He is my everything and I never thought I would cheat on him. We have been together for a few years and we are very young. We were both virgins when we met and have only been with each other, even though when he was younger he had girlfriends whom he did things with but only slept with me, and he was my only everything. The first and only guy I've ever liked in my life, my first kiss, my first everything. But a few months ago, our relationship started to get rocky. He was busy with his own thing and never had time for me. I would totally accept it because I knew he had to play hockey. And every time I would talk to him, I would tell him I missed him but he would say things like "I miss you too, I really miss your ass and t*ts..." that would upset me, but I'd accept it and keep my mouth shut. I've always been a great girlfriend and would never think of cheating, but a guy friend of mine that I'm quite close with who is also friends with my boyfriend started talking to me quite a bit. When my boyfriend was too busy for me, this friend would always text me and we would hang out at school sometimes. He started telling me that my boyfriend didn't know how much of a beautiful, unique, amazing person I was and stuff like that. It made me feel really good. It filled the void I felt from my distant boyfriend. One night, I was really missing my boyfriend and I was very upset. My guy friend picked me up and went for a drive just to talk. We ended up parking and I ended up cheated on him.. :( . I felt so horrible that I puked when I got home because my nerves were going wild and driving me crazy and I was so disgusted with myself. I cried myself to sleep for so many nights. I felt so horrible and still feel horrible even though it was a while ago. It's been tearing me up and I've thought about telling him everyday but I could never ever handle him hating me. Our relationship only keeps getting more and more amazing and we love each other so so much. I love him more than anything and I really don't want to hurt him. I don't think there's a way that he could ever find out, I've never told anyone ever. I know it would be honest of me to tell him but it would also be selfish. It would only clear my conscious and make me feel better, but it would destroy him. I never want to see him hurt. I would never ever ever even think about doing it again and it is easily my biggest regret in life. I've read a lot of articles about this, but I need a guy's opinion. So should I tell him and risk everything and hurt him? Or should I keep it to myself, deal with the guilt that I deserve to feel, and keep things the way they are?
thanks for the help guys, but the rockiness in our relationship started and ended a long time ago. everything is all great again. it's just the guilt that I have. I don't want to ruin this now..but I don't want to be considered a terrible person..