Relationship troubles with man who has a child from previous relationship. Not me but him! Help?

I have been dating a guy for just shy of a year. He has two children from a previous relationship. As of now the kids live with there mom out of state for the school year and come to be with there dad for the summer. So it has just been him and I pretty much living together (he stays at my place 5-7 times a week) for about 9 months His daughter (6 year old) came back 3-1/2 weeks ago. the first week she was home I saw them only on the weekend. after that they both started staying at my place every night. After the first week at my place on Sunday I woke up in a bad mood. I guess he could tell I was in a mood and told me that I should take the day off and him and his daughter would leave me alone. I told him that I wanted to hung out and my bad mood was in no way in relation to him or her. however he left with her and left me at home which started an argument of him trying to tell me that I should not have to be burdened with a kid all summer and that it's not my responsibility and that he could tell I was unhappy which is honestly not the case! I was/am enjoying our time together and love this little girl like crazy! but he was adamant that it was not something he wanted to burden me with. This lead to him saying he would keep her at his place for the week and we can still hangout on weekends. but two days later they were both back at my house and things were back to normal. Now this same argument has come up 2 more times since and each time he flees and then is back in two days and fine for a little. But now he did this again just two days ago told me he is done for now and once the kid goes home we can go back to normal. I said I didn't like that because I want to be in his life long term which means I should get to know his kid and that I already care about her but he is still gone I just don't get it. I tell him I'm happy and I try and I get along with the kid! She loves me and wants to hang out with me more than him most days! why he is pulling away so badly?


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What Guys Said 1

  • That sounds pretty complicated. I think it's totally normal that you have normal stress in your life that affects your mood/actions at times, and some of it might be related to the relationship dynamics (at least indirectly).

    And I think it's normal that he might start to connect some dots even if the dots aren't really there. He sees certain things happening and it's just his own perception of what's going down.

    So you guys need to try to take a step back and just communicate. Like in detail. Figure out (as best you can) what might be causing stress in your life and communicate those things to him. And see where it goes from there.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like he just wants some space with his kid and isn't willing to say it so puts it all on you.
    This is still a fairly new relationship when there is a child from a previous relationship involved, and they have been practically living with you. Having a few nights on their own is a good thing, especially if as you say she wants to spend more time with you than him.
    Set some boundaries and organise a schedule of nights they stay at his place and nights they stay at yours so it doesn't escalate into a crappy argument

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    • Thank you! Never even thought about that since he was making it all about my feelings and as if he was doing me a favor.

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