GUYS: Relationship or Fling?

I recently went out on a date with this guy, and ended up making out with him at his place (I didn't want to go further). I texted him the next day, but he never responded and I haven't heard from him.

Do you think he just wanted sex?

Have you ever gone on a date with a girl just to get some?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Have you ever gone on a date with a girl just to get some?"

    Well, that depends. Have you ever flirted or gone out on a date with a guy you had no intention of ever having sex with?

    It's all about timing & risk of loss.

    A fling has amazing (pros). Although guys never stand to "gain" anything in neither flings nor relationships; guys don't stand to lose as much in flings. You're not that emotionally involved, and if you both walk away, it's not like you've lost all this time & money that you'll never see back again. But the most important (pro) of a fling, is that it gives you the opportunity to see which girls have honest intentions about you; and which girls are not really that into you. So the sexual relationship takes off earlier and before the emotional relationship "fully" or "completely" take off. It gives you a chance to see a lot of things. Is this girl being sexually honest with you? Is she really feeling you & wanting you, or only pretending to? Obviously, a fling completely removes the risk of being used, since sex has been hadeth; so you can't walk away from the situation and feel used. Plus, are the two of you sexually compatible? Maybe she likes to talk dirty, but it turns you off. Maybe you like it more slow & sensual but she likes it more rough and fast. It would be a mistake to grow emotionally together first, and then compromise on these equally important issues just for the sake of being emotionally together. That just creates the perfect environment to feel empty or that something is missing in your relationship; and creates a high risk of separation or cheating later down the road; which is even more hurtful. (So as "primitive" as male thinking might seem, its long-term planning is very well thought-out & soundly concluded)

    (Though, a fling is a "safe" option for the guy, but very "risky" for the girl)

    Alternatively, the "safe" option for the girl, is also the "risky" option for the guy. It's risky, because the only person who stands to lose, is the guy. He takes on the very serious risk of investing his time & money (which is really just more of his time if you think about it); being involved with someone that's not interested in him. If that's not the case, all he has is sex. If that is the case though; a portion of his lifetime on this earth was "wasted" and instead used to finance a dinner or other material things for an other person. It's something he will "actually" be losing, and never getting back. Relationships have (cons) written all over them from the guy's point of view. But they're the exact opposite of flings, in the sense that they represent the "safe" option for girls. There's a "near complete" emotional development first, in which the girl has the opportunity to get to know the guy, and decide if she wants to take the relationship somewhere sexually. Why some guys finance her deliberation period is beyond me. Why more guys don't ask themselves this question is beyond me too.

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    • In general, this does make sense. Guys are more likely to go for flings and women are more likely to go for relationships...because of how each gender generally thinks about sex.

      From what you've said, though, it seems as though the pros outweigh the cons for a guy to have a relationship with someone. Do you consider yourself not likely to ever be in a serious relationship for these reasons? Just wondering!

      Thanks! : )

    • I'm in a serious relationship, and it started off as a mix, had its moments of being a fling, and now it's just like any normal relationship. So it wasn't 100% her way, wasn't 100% my way, it was the way a healthy relationship is supposed to be like; a little of both. Neither one of us took on all or most of the risk, and neither one of us sat back and played it safe.

      If I had to do it over again with someone else/new? Now? No way. I wouldn't start off as a relationship. Makes no sense.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • He seems to be an unfriendly guy. Even if he just wanted sex, how can he not respond to the text from a girl he made out with? Does not make sense.

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  • If he was interested he'd get back in touch. It's probably cos he wasn't that interested in you in the first place and only interested in the sex, but the only thing you can know for sure is that he ain't that interested.

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    • Thanks for input! : )

  • I probably wouldn't that's a whole lot of work just to get laid but some guys do. I would probably go to a club or something for that

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  • it all depends on the girl that your taking out

    its either she has relationship potential

    or its simply just peice.

    Mabye he's playing hard to get

    dont give in and make him text your,

    or when you want to text him text him a couple days after to make him wait

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  • the way I see it, is if a girl was a quick screw, shed make that evident on the first date and would probably give it up that night.

    if it takes longer than that to have sex with someone then odds are, there's an interest factor.

    that being said, since I have been out of a very serious relationship for about a year now, and still am not interested in "the one" for now, I prefer a fling.

    thats just me, though.

    hope this was enlightening.

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    • Understood; if you don't want to jump into a relationship than you shouldn't.

      So, if this guy has been contacting me for a while, do you think there's interest there? Or was he just keeping in contact so I'd be around so he could try to get some?

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    • Tricky, but that doesn't answer it for me lol

    • Haha I was just givin ya a hard time.

      :)

  • That's all that dating is about surely?

    Leave it a day or two more, then call him. Extenuating circumstances do happen. (like I know my phone sometimes doesn't send a reply and just saves it to Drafts)

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    • Good answer lol. So for you, is going on a date with a girl usually just about sex? Or are you looking for a relationship?

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    • Indeed, that's the main difference for us. I posted a question up a few weeks ago on it. Guys can detach more easily from sex. But they confuse friendship and love, as it involves the same principles for them (trust, companionship, compatibility).

      Meanwhile girls mix sex and love together, but friendship and love are separate (though can be mutual) entities.

    • Yeah...interesting. Thanks for the input! : )

  • I think that he is just a player, he pretended to be in love with you when all he wanted was just to get into your pants and then move on to the next chick

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    • Haha yikes...idk about pretending to be in love with me, but I see what you mean. Does it change the fact that he's initiated contact often over the past couple of months? (He was out of state) Or was he just trying to keep contact to have a booty call when he got back?

      Thanks for the advice! : )

  • No I haven't done that. But yes he wanted sex, If a man ever drops below your standards on a first date or two of no I don't have sex on first dates, and he tries to pressure you send him down the road.

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    • Good man lol. The tricky thing is, he really didn't push it. He tried going further, but didn't keep pressuring me when I didn't want to.

      I guess I'm in between him being a good guy (interested but respecting my wishes) and a guy who just wanted to get some. I'm thinking the latter since I haven't heard from him?

      Thanks! : )

  • He most likly just wanted sex unless he was busy. Just ask wats up...

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  • Have you had sex with him when you went out on a date?

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    • No...we just made out...I didn't want to go any further.

    • Ok then we can't finally say that he wanted sex, pobably you are right, but wait for few days,

  • depends on the date. for me every date is an opportunity to meet the one. if I don't like her in that way I might still be attracted to her and have a fling since the opportunity is there.

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    • Thanks for the input! : )

      So, in your case, how would a girl know that you were still attracted to her to have a fling, but not "the one"? Would it include the stereotypical booty call signs? lol

What Girls Said 4

  • ugh I've been there and I've learned that if a guy really wants more from you than just sex, he'll contact you because he actually wants to talk to you. if he likes you, you'll know - especially after you've already made out, he can't exactly pull the shy card now. I know it sucks but maybe you should just wait for him to call you and if he doesn't, move on. maybe he realized that he's not gonna get in your pants that easily and that's why he bailed... happened to me a couple times. but let me know how it turns out, if you want to...

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    • Thanks! : )

      I'm sure most of us have been in this same boat, unfortunately. He's initiated contact a decent amount over the past few months (we made out a few months ago, too), but he lives out of state. I'm assuming that he was hoping this past visit would be a booty call, and since it wasn't, hasn't felt the need the contact me now that he's back home.

      Thanks again, though! I appreciate your input!

  • some guys just want sex. if he isnt' working for it, chances are he's just looking for sex.

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  • Unfortunately honey, he was probably just interested in sex. But do me a favor and don't take it to heart. Don't think there is something wrong with you, trust me when I say it's HIM and his thoughtless, arrogant, insecure, probably hung like a baby carrot self.

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    • Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it. I'm in a place where I'm truly happy with myself, so I won't let it get to me...but I can't help being a girl and analyzing everything lol

      Thanks again! : )

    • Been there, done that! I understand!

  • he just wanted sex lol

    same thing happened to me last year. when I see him he asks what I'm doing later and I know that meant he wanted me to go to his dorm

    and one time his friend even left condoms on the table and even played that song that's always played in movies, that was the last time I saw him

    then he told my boyfriend he wanted to get back with me...i think that was to make himself seem less of an ass haha

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