He wants to break off the affair because he feels guilty now. I want to continue it.

We are both married to other people and have been having an affair for several months. He has a great time when we're together. I can tell. It's only sex. Excitement. I have been getting a room for the last few months and paid for it. He mentioned paying for it at times too but has not done it yet. So I put an envelope inside a bigger envelope and laid it on his desk and text him to call me for directions. I told him to put money in it and give it to me the next time we have a meeting. I reminded him and when he didn't I asked him what the problem was and he didn't answer me. I parked near him after the meeting and told him he made me feel uncomfortable because he didn't answer me and made me feel cheap and bad. He said it was nothing and he would call me the next day. He finally called and said he didn't think he wanted to continue doing this. He felt guilty because he saw my husband in the gym Monday and he feels gulty when he goes home. But just last week when we spent time together he called me twice and couldn't wait to see me because I was going to let him do something I never let anyone else do but he talked me into it and called and said he was so horny and excited, etc. We had a great time. I am wondering if I did something to cause him to change his mind like get to close or have these thoughts and told him he was making me feel uncomfortable and didn't want him to make me feel cheap or bad. He went to Italy 2 weeks before and he bought me something but hasn't given it to me yet. Why would he buy something for me and then do this. We also planned to meet in Oct at a meeting out of town that we both have to go to. What should I do to get him to want to see me more? I am not happy at home but didn't want to leave. He is OK at home. I just need this in my life. I am 40 he is 46. I thought I would tell him we could set rules. Meet once a month and plan it and pay for it. and not contact each other . How can I get him to agree and not feel guilty?


Most Helpful Girl

  • So let's think this through for a minute.

    1. You are a married woman

    2. He is a married man

    3. You have sex with each other, while both of your spouses are lead to believe you are loyal to


    4. You are unhappy

    5. He is relatively happy

    6. He leaves you knowing he is guilty and unfaithful to the woman he actually loves.

    7.You want him back because you 'need' this in your life.

    You are 40 years old. 40. I am 19 years old, and I have enough sane mind to know that this is wrong. Yes, wrong. In all ways. To you and to him, and to your husband and/or children, and to his wife and/or children, and his entire family, and to your entire family, the list goes on.

    What I am trying to point out here is that his is selfish. VERY very selfish.You're 'unhappiness' is affecting several people. Your old enough to understand the concept of consequences.

    How long do your escapades last? How long does it take for him to come? 5 minutes? 10? 15? 60?

    Is it worth it to have sex with this specific man and have HIM and YOU give up everything, for 15 minutes of pleasure, just because you need this in your life? If you're going through a horrible mid life crisis, then you need to become active in other things and let it pass.

    Leave him alone already. He's already ruined his marriage over his poor decisions and your vagina.

    I wouldn't look for much sympathy over a question like this.

    • I want to apologize for my assumptions. I feel terrible about being cold hearted. I certainly don't know you're circumstances. Obviously there is a reason why you feel that you need this. Someone I know put it very clearly:

    • I wonder how dysfunctional her marriage is that she felt so unloved that she thought she needed this. Is she just sticking it out for the kids, and getting no love at all at home? Was her husband seeing someone else first, so there was no love left over for her? In a long marriage people often grow apart and lose whatever they thought they had, and it would make sense to just end it,

    • But lot's of times that can be extremely hard to do because of finances, kids, extended families, religion, and just plain inertia. Not saying that adultery is OK, but that life can get pretty complicated and it can seem like the only way."

      After he said this, I realized I acted very rudely toward you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Lol. You ARE cheap and bad.

    Tell him you want to see him more if you want to see him more. It sounds like it's really up to him.


What Girls Said 2

  • Stop trying to justify your hoe and stop having an affair. Both of you are married. At least that cheating ass is listening his conscience and coming to his senses. And you are so silly telling that man he made you feel uncomfortable and that you didn't want him to make you feel cheap and bad. lmfao do you not see the irony? Honey you ARE cheap and bad so you deserve to feel that way. How do you not see that what you're doing is wrong? People like you are the reason why STDs and fungus is spreading because you're selfish and all you care about what you want. If you want to lay down in the mud don't drag him down with you. He was wrong for having an affair with you but at least he is seeing the light and not doing the wrong thing.

  • He should feel guilty, his wife is sitting at home having no idea that the husband she loves is out f***ing another girl. She would be heartbroken when she's done nothing wrong. And if you don't love your husband anymore then just leave. Why would you try to make your affair keep doing this when he's wanting to do the right thing?


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