Worth fighting for? Loveless marriage?

I've been married 10 years now. We have 2 kids which I adore. However about 7 years ago my wife and I started becoming more distant. Since the start of 2017 we have made love once. She is always preoccupied with work, or chatting to her coworkers. She maintains she loves me and wants to fix things, and after an argument things will be good for a day or 2. But then it reverts to original state of apathy. I feel so empty, drained, and alone. She says her issues are where we live, and my family. She has also stated that unless I make more money and buy a nicer house she won't focus on trying to make me happy.

Is it too late already? I feel so weighted down that I could break any time.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. She needs to humble herself and be grateful for her life but it seems to me she isn't, which is a shame cause I bet many women wish they where in her position right now. Married, kids, jobs... etc. I say you guys should get help from a professional and try to fight for this marriage, but both people need to be sure that this is what you really want. When you guys said I do, you also meant through thick and thin. This is a thick time, so you should try to fight through it. Good luck!

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    • I reminded her of that during our last conversation, richer or poorer, better or worse. Now we aren't poor, I have a good job and make decent money. Just not enough to make her happy

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in a similar situation. Had a kid with a girl I was seeing in high school. We made it work (kind of) and even had another child, got married and bought a house. Every year that passes we become more and more like roommates. I don't find her attractive sexually at all. we haven't had sex in two years. But we stay for the kids and it's comfortable. Not sure how much longer it can go like this. Suppose when the kids are gone we will decide. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life but I also see the single friends and I feel my life is much more full than there's. It's a tough call.

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    • I'm not primarily concerned about the sex, and have no desire to replace her with anyone else. I just want to feel that she cares as much about our relationship as I do.

    • Yeah I get it. I think you probably need to talk about that. The one thing we share is the dedication to the kids and family. I know she would never leave. She's content.

What Girls Said 1

  • honestly if she's bringing you down that much maybe you should let her go.

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What Guys Said 9

  • See a marriage councilor. The fact is you have to fight for this, not only for your kids who need an intact family to grow up healthy but for you because, to be perfectly frank, the courts are against you and you will lose custody of your children in all probability. So do everything within your power to save your marriage, if she refuses to go to counciling then I would say get a private detective to follow her, see if she is cheating or something (just in case its happening and you can use that as leverage) and if necessary use divorce as a threat to get her to shape up and act like a decent fucking human being because what she is doing is unacceptable. She would not tolerate you doing that to her why should you tolerate her doing that to you? So yeah counciling if that doesn't work, if letting her know how miserable you are and how because she neglects you because she refuses to change because she refuses to treat you with respect let alone give you genuine love and affection you want to give up on your marriage. If that doesn't have any lasting impact to get her to join you at a marriage councilor then again, see if she is cheating on you, figure out what is going on and then go to a lawyer and figure out what your options are.

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  • I would say that yes... we need a better house but how could you put up that demand when this is an emotional issue with me because it's pretty easy to say if I was happier I could make you happier on both sides of the spectrum, marriage isn't about cutting deals... this is a clash of different values it doesn't seem like from what you're saying that there's anything keeping you both together and I think you both should stare deep into what it is keeping you two together, love for the kids is a good enough reason but if its more of a "I'll get screwed if I leave the kids" type of thing then its not a good enough reason, Keep in mind there can and should be multiple!

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  • Typical woman. Marriage is a HUGE mistake for men. You shouldn't have done that. And the fact that she's saying you have to make more money and buy a new house for her to even put an effort into you should be the last straw. This is why I hate women. You better get out of this mess before she gets started with divorce because if she does, she's gunna take everything you own. Just a heads up

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  • Don't know about you two... but I feel sorry for those kids... I have seen way too arguments be sad and mom when I was a kid. That made my life miserable... I think that was the reason I had to act like a mature man even when I was like 8 yr old... I left home and started living in hostel since I am 9. My parents still argure and they are in a loveless marriage but they don't divorce each other... and even I am 20 now I don't feel like going home beacuse I feel suffocated there.

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  • I wouldn't want a wife that only will make me happy if I give her stuff. That's not how I work. I would work hard for everything Ican afford, but damn, putting me on like that is too stressful.

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  • I think you should try couples therapy before making any drastic decisions

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  • Therapy, you need to work on this.

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  • Wow. Sounds like it may be too late. I think you should try a marriage counselor. Good luck

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  • Welcome to the club.

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