My ex is afraid of intimacy. How can I get him back?

My ex (18M) has a fear of intimacy (both emotional and sexual), and when we were together I (18F) would occasionally overstep my bounds. Whenever this happened, he normally wouldn't say anything, but I knew him well enough to know afterwards and I'd apologize. I tried to be patient with him, but near the end of our relationship I became very emotional as I thought he didn't want to be with me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me, and because of that he broke up with me saying he didn't think he was really ready to be in a relationship with me. He's had a somewhat rough childhood (bullied a lot, but his parents worked a lot when he was young so I don't think they properly dealt with it and he self harmed in middle school), and he has few close friends (only a group of people he's gamed with online for like 5 years that he doesn't talk to about emotional issues). After we broke up, he was still sort of upset and said he wanted to remain friends, but since then I haven't heard from him much. He's said I was the first person he'd let close to him in a long time, and I want to stay friends with him for that reason and that I miss him a lot. I've been abroad for about a month, and at first I emailed him a little bit and he seemed intrigued, asking me to tell him more about a certain city because he'd "be around" and telling me to "be safe," but the last time I emailed him with pictures and just a weird but sort of funny story of how I took one of them he just said "Well that sounds fascinating enough." We're going to the same college in the fall, and he's really the only person I know there going in. I want to win him back, and I'm willing to be patient, but I just don't know what to do.


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What Guys Said 2

  • be a friend to him
    dont try to get him from ex to y
    you'll end up hurting the both of you even more

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  • Gee. I don't know, because a guy who's unavailable emotionally and sexually sounds like such a major turn on.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Talk to him

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