Should I still try to talk to her?

Despite my age, I'm inexperienced at dating. The only real girl I went after was different from me: she was a drinker/partier, more extroverted and sociable. That didn't go well; but, luckily, there's this cute girl in my class who's like me--studious, introverted. The problem is that I commute to campus, so the only time I see her is during classes. To add to that, she's always sitting or with her friends. I've been working hard on my sociability, and I've improved to the point where I'm not awkward, but I still can't "stand out", if you know what I mean. I can only add to conversation.

What's holding me back from talking to her more and asking her to do something is that she doesn't display any signs of being interested in me. She's not shy around me, she's always more interested in the work in front of her, and, well I guess she knows I'm there, but she doesn't care, if you get my drift. My failings in my last pursuit is causing me to put the brakes on this one, because now I think I'm recognizing the signs early and I can just save myself some heartbreak. I mean, I would think that girls are usually shy around guys they think they might like or they look at them when they think they're not looking, but that's not happening here. Then again, I also tell myself that she won't know if she likes me until she gets to know me, which makes me want to talk to her again. So I don't know what to do.

The problem with asking her to study is that she already studies with her friends... I'll feel like I'm barging in or trying too hard


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you say she studies a lot, and she's in your class(es), so you should go study with her. Ask for help with something you know she's good at. Do actually study - don't arrange to meet up and then start pulling the moves on her as soon as she opens the book. If you study with her for a while then she'll get used to you, she might start talking to you in class, but also she might start to like you. Maybe she doesn't look at you or anything because she doesn't expect guys to like her. Sometimes it can be endearing to a girl when a guy likes her. As long as you're not totally creepy about, which it doesn't sound like you are. Either she'll subtly pick up on the fact that you like her (which you probably won't have to try with) or she'll just start to like you and you'll probably pick up on that. Go for a few study evenings first. If all goes well, maybe later you can ask her to go see a movie or something =] good luck!


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What Girls Said 5

  • On your update - it probably wouldn't look like barging in anyway, but I think that's where it's useful to ask about something she's good at and maybe you need to work on. That's totally legit in and of itself!

  • Definetly go up and talk to her. You said she was introverted, so that means she can be shy. I'm introverted, and I ALWAYS wait for the guy to make the first move. And you're right, she can't like you if she doesn't get to know you! Go for it! :) Just suggest a friendly get together, or offer to study with her.

  • most def talk to her. and I don't think she will think you are barging in :)

  • You had a good answer from the guy on this question. Go for it. As a girl I always wait for the guy tomake the first move, mostly because any time I've tried the alternative it hasn't worked out. The worst that can happen is she says no-- and she's not going to be mad about it regardless. Even if she's not interested I can guarantee she'll still be flattered that you asked her out. It's a compliment regardless of who it is from. Definitely ask her to study first. Just because she studies with her friends doesn't mean she's not open for another study buddy. Go for it man! Life's too short. You're not gonna regret doing it.

  • First, kudos to working on your "sociability" : ) It's tough to branch out and be outgoing...especially when it's not your style!

    As annoying as facebook or a social networking site can be, they can come in handy for meeting and becoming friends with people (ahh the days when it was just for college students, no?)

    Try friending her on facebook (if you haven't already) and send her a message to start conversation.

    Or, if facebook isn't your cup of tea, use the class you have together to let her know you're interested. You don't have to necessarily "stand out" to get yourself noticed, but send the right signals to her (i.e., eye contact, smiling, cracking a joke) so she knows the attention is meant for her.

    Hope that helps! : )


What Guys Said 1

  • Bro, think of the worst that can happen. She says no? Rejects you and gets quiet? Should you take that personally and let it ruin your life?

    Take it from a older guy. Whether women say YES or NO they respect men who approach them. She will respect you for taking initiative.

    You sound really nervous and I know how it feels. Don't be. Joke around with her and do just one thing. Say "hey I would like to give you a call are fun to be around with". You got about a 85% chance of her saying YES, 10% chance of her saying "let me get your phone number...which is polite NO...she'll never call" and 5% chance of her outright saying no. The odds are in YOUR FAVOR.

    After you get her number change the subject and do NOT talk to her for a little while. WAIT 5 to 9 days to call her. YES 5 to 9 DAYS. She will wonder what's going on if she likes you and that's GOOD THING. It shows you got things going on (possibly other women...a VERY GOOD THING for women to worry about). Try to limit your contact with her until you call.

    If she rejects you than don't let it bother you. Thinks would NEVER be magically different. She already has her mind up whether she wants to get to know more your or not. She's just waiting for you to be assertive. Assertiveness/confidence is attractive on a man. Trust me.

    Just think of the absolute worst that can happen (her saying NO...doomsday I tell and realize it's not that bad.

    If you want to be happy in life YOU NEED TO TAKE ACTION. You are a man, be proud of it.

    • Okay what bitchy girl decided to vote against me.

    • Haha, I'll agree with you man, gave you +1. I don't think 5 to 9 days is a hard-and-fast rule, but you pretty much explain the perfect mindset he should have.

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