Does it bother guys if their exes sleep with someone else? Would you ever be able to get over it, if you loved them?

Long story short, I slept with someone else a few days ago, after being broken up with my ex for 2 years. I regretted it, and knew it was a mistake, because I'm still in love with my ex (he's in love with me too).

Since I've told him, he's gone back and forth between "I love you & miss you" while sending me cute/funny things, along with nudes of himself, to sending me "I'm done, I can't do this anymore, I don't love you" texts. I get that he's hurt and pissed, even though he's dated/been with multiple other women (which, seems a bit hypocritical, but also trying to be realistic).

So, do I still have a chance, or did I blow it entirely? Does he just need time to cool off, or will he never get over it?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Honestly, if he is being a hypocrite​ about it, where he meets multiple women but gets hurt when you do, run. It is unhealthy.

    • The main question is what you desire. He clearly isn't in the mindset, based on your description alone, to choose properly. Add to that a layer of hypocrisy and I'd wonder if the relationship would be built on a healthy foundation should you try to get him back. In the end, the most important thing is to be happy, but if you're going to be subjected to that level of hypocrisy you may want to ask yourself this: "Am I worth only this much to him if he dates/has been with other women and he gets pissy if I do?"

    • I want to be with him. It's always been him, for me. I just don't know how to fix it. He makes me incredibly happy, and over the past two years, he isn't happy with anyone but me. I hadn't slept with anyone before (he had). He and I had come extremely close, several times when we were together, but I was waiting for him to say he loved me. Over the past year, phone sex has become a regular thing (almost daily). He sends me lingerie to wear, pictures, sexting, etc. Our relationship has so much more than that too, so it's not all about the physical. I had been waiting to have sex with him, so I've shattered this image he has of him being the only one, for me. His initial response was that I had needs, and he realized he doesn't have a right to be upset. But he's obviously really struggling with this. He keeps going back and forth, and I know he's really hurt and confused. I didn't intend to sleep with someone else, and I hadn't been waiting to screw it up so monumentally.

    • Sure.
      On the other hand, he did date/sleep with other women, right? He put your feelings for him aside to get his fix and now that you got into a moment where you did go for that, he finds it a bad thing. That, in itself, is the problem in your relationship with this dude. If he'd respect you for who you are, he'd understand the situation better. Sure, he can be hurt but he needs to understand that him sleeping / dating others would hurt just as much. What worries me is that he was perfectly content being separate yet keeps engaging in sexting and other similar activities. So I wonder, truly, what this guy is thinking.

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