What do I need to do next? Can you help me understand this?

I was dating the perfect guys, he was kind and caring, and yes we were sexual. He hadn't talked to me in a few days so I reached out to him, and he ignored it. I broke down and assumed it was his way of breaking it off with me. I messaged him that I didn't want to get closer to someone that isn't sure of what they want and that I need someone that is one hundred percent sure they want to be with me. He said he thinks I'm amazing and that he's not fit for one hundred precent.. (I deleted him on social media) and we haven't talked since for a month. And now I'm stuck crying everyday because I feel like I brought this upon my self. I live with this dread that it's my fault and that I've lost the greatest man I've ever met. I feel so devastated. Never felt this way before and I don't understand what to do to make it go away. Did I mess up?


0|0
3442

Most Helpful Girl

  • By the time I'm seeing this, you probably are overwhelmed by all the different opinions you are reading. I completely understand why you did what you did. On one hand, it's awesome that you did that and kindof called him out. On the other, you both had closure of what you had, regardless of how you feel.
    Do I think you messed up? No. You didn't act "psycho" or say anything that was bizarre or not true. The possibility of reconciliation isn't lost, but then again who's to say it's there except for maybe god? It's like looking at map of a deserted island, and thinking "maybe I'll stumble upon treasure" it's possible, but you can't get your hopes up.
    Don't beat yourself up over it. What YOU did was not wrong. I don't think it made a difference if he wasn't 100 percent. I wish I could tell you why he stopped talking to you and feeling this way, but I can't. It could be a lot of things, he could be a sex-craving jerk, he could have had the male freak out, he may not have been interested... who knows! As to what you should do next, I wish I could tell you to text him and ask how he is, but that could go wrong for you and lead you to more hurt and rejection (although we both know you're considering it!) try to focus on yourself. Buy yourself awesome clothes, go out with your good friends, do the hobbies and things you love. No, it won't take your hurt away or bring him back, but it will at least take your mind off of it a little.
    I'm going through something very similar, so know that you're not the only one hurting. I truly mean it that (and it's probably because I'm going through something similar) even though I don't know you, I hope it all works out. I know everyone's calling him a jerk on here, but I understand when you meet someone truly amazing, it's easier to ignore their mistakes. Good luck! :)

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 42

  • It just sounds like you two were not meant to be and that the chemistry wasn't there. Dating is always going to be a gamble and it always sucks when one person sees the chemistry as perfect, and to the other it's just a maybe. But understand that this is not your fault.

    4|0
    0|0
  • You'll hurt for a bit, but it's not something you did or didn't do. It's more of timing it seems. A lot of what makes the perfect person for us is about timing and if we (either one of us) are in the right frame of mind for the other person and what type of relationship the other person wants. You may have found someone that was perfect for you at this time, but you weren't the right person for him I suppose at this point in his time frame. Or he wasn't in the right frame of mind to appreciate a person such as yourself or the type of relationship you were offering/wanting.

    I used to self analyze about what I did wrong, what went wrong and such in my past relationships. Yeah some things I might have done wrong or our personalities didn't gel as well as, but I also believe that I wasn't ready or the timing wasn't right for me to be with the exes I've had. Or my personality wasn't exactly what that person was looking for in that moment or that time of life for them. This is why I believe there isn't just one perfect person out there, but a plethora. It's just that the timing of our meeting and the frame of mind of both of us have to be on the same wavelength to develop more and to want to increase more desire, and passion and intimacy into a lasting relationship. That's really how I believe relationships work.

    So don't stress or beat yourself up about it. Yeah it's gonna hurt, but these relationships I believe are meant to help us understand what it is in a partner we desire and want. As well, maybe for us to reflect on what was good and bad in the relationship. So then it gives us experience to be able to grow and develop a good solid relationship with the person we fit best at the right time in our lives. Just use this as an experience and sounds like a good experience as well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Communication! It's hard to be real with yourself and talk about how we feel and being vaulnerable etc. I think we all get better at this stuff. And if he likes you, you won't have ruined your chance. but it's a bit silly to throw down a sort of ultimatum. What did you really want to tell him you needed? I've never been 100% sure I wanted anything. We don't say the right things, it never comes out like poetry and not like a move. Don't try and regergitate the latest cosmo how to get a man stuff. Just try and be real. If your not happy... talk about it, it's a legitimate feeling, it's ok to be unhappy about something. And after that if it still doesn't work out... so what. If he can't see what he is missing he isn't the the guy you thought you liked. Doesn't matter you opened up and made yourself vulnerable, you gave it a shot!

    0|1
    0|0
  • What you are feeling is the pain of break ups... it's the worst you can feel.. I know
    But if he were intrested in you he will never treat you like that.. its clear he is waiting for a reason to break up and it wasn't the message you sent.
    Look for vids on YouTube for dealing with a break up it helped me sooo much.
    And never seek closure from him, he didn't care to explain himself and rather leave like that so he will not care to relieve your pain.
    Good luck

    5|0
    0|0
  • Move on. The "I'm not good enough for you" speech is a simple minded, shitty way of letting someone down. The guy is week and couldn't face you to tell you the truth, so in a way, no he's not good enough for you.

    3|1
    0|1
  • I think you pushed for too much too soon, and ended up ruining it.

    I've experienced it myself when girls get overly emotional texting and basically jumped to a conclusion on their own. The best advice I can give here is to learn from this experience, don't get carried away and wait before you say anything big like that so you have time to think it over.

    0|2
    0|0
  • He's not the greatest if he was not 100 percent sure he wanted to be with you.

    4|0
    0|1
  • probably but you can't put the blame on yourself. I'll tell u from a guys POV most of us in today's society that are as above. have been hurt before by women they would die for without a second thought. and that causes us to have trust issues I would say try to get back with him but understand it can take sometime before we open to u. and even more if we've been hurt before. women aren't the only ones that get hurt in today's society the few guys left that aren't manwhores. have trust issues as well

    0|1
    0|0
  • NO... you did the right thing and ended it before you got even more deeply in love with this guy. Thats one of the saddest behaviors that young women exhibit. You fall so deeply in love with a guy, so quickly, simply based upon how you think he could be, instead of basing your level of affection on how they actually are. DONT dedicate your heart and soul to guy so easily. Let him earn your love based on his behavior over time. That way you won't get so emotionally torn up when a month into the relationship you realize he's a jerk. Always remember... LOVE is NOT something you say or write or sing. LOVE is something you DO. Ignore what he says and pay super close attn to what he DOES. He says you are amazing, but what he does is ignore you and make you feel like dirt. Get it?

    1|0
    0|0
  • he could be going through some seriously stressing events and had to have some time for himself, maybe he truly does not believe he is good enough for you because he likes you but he has problem that prevents him from giving you what you want so he decided its better to let you go to find a better guy than him.

    ofcourse maybe he just wanted sex... or did not think you were good girlfriend material , I don't know know you, how sexual are you, how slutty, how flirty, how many men have you slept with... such things are important to men and if a guy is truly perfect then you can be sure he has some standards.

    until you describe yourself to us we can't do much but when you do we can give you a reason of why he may have acted like that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He was "kind and "caring" til He got your vagina.

    2|1
    0|1
  • the way society has taught to act in relationship and in love might have some part to play in this. a lot of times when girls feel like this it could be because of lack of communication on both ends and lack of initiative in voicing your own individual expectations as a woman. i dont know everything about you and i know next to nothing about the guy. but for future reference it is always helpful to state what you want and what you are feeling asap. that way you get a quick response from your guy friend on how he wants to play it out. you definitely didn't do anything wrong towards him though. you didn't do anything to pish him away or anything. the feeling of confusion and pain you have is something a lot of people go through. but to motigate you feeling that pain and you wasting your time on someone who wants dofferent things than you want... id say start and clear dialog and keep that dialog going through out the relationship about new developing feeling and expectations.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Set your expectations and your bar high. Don't lower them. Make sure you both want the same thing BEFORE sleeping with them. For me I am reducing emotional risk. I want and expect daily communication, to see them a few times a week, vacation together, etc. If they don't want all that, someone out there does. You didn't do anything wrong.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Meet up with him (this has to be a face to face) and pay attention to his needs too. If he is the most amazing person you have been with then you may consider compromising and giving him some time. Sounds like he may be going through something.

    0|1
    0|0
  • to some guys 100 percent is terrifying. he may not have been very experienced with relationships. you could have been one of his first major relationships. this would mean that he is just finding himself and having someone tell him you need to be sure to be with me he would have to answer "no". that said it could be a lot of things and you need to know that you can do no wrong that cannot be forgiven by those who truly care.

    0|1
    0|0
  • How? Message back and explain how could you even think that? What am I missing?

    0|1
    0|0
    • I had to run out. I've read and re - read your question and still dont see what you did wrong? Tell him how you feel and what you want to get out of the relationship is wrong? Since when? Oh and by the way you're crying over a guy who was actually honest with you & doesn't want the same thing as you? Would you've preferred he lie, lead you into some fantasy for a few months and then spring this on you? I'll bet that would hurt you more. You should thank the guy "IF"you ever see him again, dont look for him, just if you run across him, & lastly, nobody knows you've been crying, dont let him know. Let that go and friends and shopping for you tomorrow. NEXT !! GOOD LUCK!😊

  • Buy him a candle. If he lights and meets up with you on something you arranged thet's great. E. g meet me at the park I'll bring the matches. If he keeps it he's just not ready (or just being a pussy). If he sends it back then it's a full no. Explain this with a letter with the a candle you send him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • personally if it were me and I was in your shoes I would go without sleep for like 72 hours or so and at that time I wouldn't even be able to feel my face let alone any emotions I once had , but that's just what I do , I wouldn't advise it though I've suffered permenant damage to my memory because of sleep deprivation

    0|0
    0|0
  • no sweetheart you didn't screw up he doesn't know what he wants and he doesn't appreciate you

    2|0
    0|1
  • I'm s Rory that you're suffering even if you brought it upon yourself. It sucks

    0|1
    1|0
  • Don't worry. No guy is completely perfect so that means your closer to finding a better one !

    0|0
    0|0
  • then you need to go to Google urban dictionary and look up fuckboy and see what it says

    1|0
    1|0
  • you didn't mess up. people have commitment problems sometimes and I think that's what happened. it wasn't anything in your control

    1|0
    0|0
  • You fucked up sweetheart 👀

    0|1
    2|0
  • there are many more out there trust me many men who will give the 100% you require there is nothing wrong with standards those are yours don't lower them for anybody fuck him he loses

    0|0
    0|0
  • So he wasn't "perfect" as you first stated.
    How loud is the Bio clock ticking?

    1|1
    1|0
  • deleting them off everything is stupid.

    1|1
    2|0
  • Probably not. No one is perfect. If someone broke up with you and haven't talked for more than a month. Then just move on. There are many guys who are perfect for you. Just you have to open your arms

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly say just be patient. All things come when time is right. We can't control everything.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No you didn't mess up. heart break is tough but you can't blame yourself for wanting better and him not willing to do more. pick yourself up by your boot straps and let it heal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    12

What Girls Said 33

  • It seems like his intentions were to just sleep with you, to be honest. This guy is no good, and does not deserve you. I am sure he didn't ignore you when you agreed to sex. You should feel thankful you are not giving this guy the time of day anymore. Someone out there won't want sex, they will truly want to get to know you as a person and focus more on chemistry and a connection rather than his sexual needs.

    3|0
    0|1
  • He wasn't perfect if he admitted he wasn't in it completely. I understand how you feel I was in the same situation : was in love with the guy I was dating for a year, thought he was the greatest, but he sais we were 99.9% exclusive. I reasoned that that was just honest and that anything could happen either way. Of course he ended up cheating on me several times and it broke my heart. I broke up with him even though he didn't want to, and I often regretted it ont he months after. It gets better, you will understand that someone out there is better fitted for you. It is never good to feel like you don't have reciprocated love

    0|0
    0|0
  • Absolutely not, he admitted to you that He was not ready to give all of him, when you were ready, and the mistake that he made was never contact you. Sometimes people find love but it doesn't always turn out the way we wanted it to be. Even though you were ready, he was not. You need to focus on you, and realise you can't wait on someone whos not ready to make a move wuth you. Give it time. Maybe later on he will realise that he does want to be 100% with you, and its your decision weither you want to accept him or not. In the meantime do things that make You happy. Take the time you need to heal, but then learn to accept and move on. As you work on loving yourself, you will find a person that loves you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I once told my friend (JUST a friend) that I didn't think there was another man out there who was genuinely sweet and caring like him and that dating is pointless because of it... and guess what? I've met a genuinely sweet and caring man recently. There are huge differences in their personalities, but the fact that he exists is proof that there will always be more than one person who offers what you desire... you just have to hope there's a connection between the two of you. It's impossible to think otherwise with the amount of people in the world.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Unless you're leaving out a lot of details, it looks like you did this to yourself.
    You jumped to conclusions. You issued ultimatums. You broke up with him. You cut off contact.

    You learn from this. If you want, you can try to reconnect and apologize and see if you can find some closure, but at this point, he doesn't owe you anything. You might have to take this as a really hard lesson and move on.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Your problem is you see him as being perfect when he's not. The percent guy would have texted you back and wouldn't have ignored you. What makes him perfect, his looks? The perfect person is handsome, treats you well, respects you, cares about you and responds to your text and calls. Unfortunately it'll take time to get over him but trust me soon enough you'll be calling another guy perfect.

    3|0
    0|1
  • Dating stage is never 100%. The moment he pops the ring? That's 100%

    I think you said the wrong thing. Instead of saying that you need someone who is 100% certain that they want to be a with you, you should have said you wanted someone who is willing to commit and accept you.

    Honestly, you should've talked face to face. Messages are misleading and immature. Plus the deleting off social media was unnecessary.

    0|2
    0|0
  • well, I personally think he just lost interest, I don't think it's your fault. he just lost interest in you. you just have to get over him, it is difficult but u can.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You did not mess up. You did the right thing, he would have hurt you anyway if you kept waiting or running after him. Now you did not let him drag you further in to it. You will feel better in a while, I promise.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You did nothing wrong. If he couldn't give you 100% then he should have said so in the beginning. From how it sounds he was nice and played his cards right in order to get you to do sexual things. Sometimes it happens. You did the smart thing by removing him from social media.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This wasn't your fault at all. I was basically in the same situation except it took the guy to tell me that he couldn't be 100 percent for me and that he wasn't ready, bla bla, but the sooner you move on, the better, trust me hun try to just forget about him, it isn't worth the heartache

    0|0
    0|1
  • expectations ruin new relationships. let go of shoulds, and go with the flow it will always work out better

    1|1
    0|0
  • honey, you dont lose anything. he is the one who lose a great girl like you. you didn't do anything wrong. he is the one who idiot for letting you go. he doesn't deserve you. you deserve someone greater than him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's only been a month hun. I once took 3 years to get over a guy. :V Just give yourself some time. It might also be helpful if you look into counciling as it helps route through your core issues with things you struggle on

    0|0
    0|0
  • no, he let you know that he didn't know if he wanted to be with you 100%. You did the right thing. you'll find a great guy that will be 100%.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's probably going through something. No guy in his right mind would leave a girl by ignoring her if he really cared about her. His problem is not your problem

    0|1
    0|0
  • He ghosted you after sex and you think you've lost the greatest man you'll ever meet... Ermmm...

    0|1
    0|0
  • Sorry to say. He dated you purely for just the sex. Got bfed up and decided to let his true self come out. The asshole.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get over him?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is he the greatest though? He ignores you for days then tells you he doesn't want the same thing you want, that doesn't sound so great to me..

    1|0
    0|1
  • Yes and no, you were right to tell him what you want from him and don't stuck around waiting for him and putting up with messed behavior like a little puppy, but you were kindda rude to tell him that in his face, you could be at least more nice and diplomatic, in order to find out the reason of his bad mood and since you said how much you like him, you should sit him down to discuss the problem and help him solve it. I hope I helped 😊

    0|0
    0|0
  • You didn't mess up at all :) please don't beat yourself up. U made the right decision in my eyes, u could have been a hell of a lot more hurt.

    0|0
    0|0
  • he is not the best, cause if he is the best man for you, he will never leave you

    0|0
    0|0
  • you did not mess up, it's his fault that he is gonna miss out on an amazing life with you probably cuz he did something dumb. it's ok for you to cry right now, just use this time to do things for yourself or things you always wanted to do but you couldn't with him. have a girls night, go have fun and use your time to have fun before it's all gone.

    0|0
    0|1
  • You didn't do anything. He ended it for 1 his own stupid reasons. 2 you may not be right for him. Or 3 his has his own business to handle right now

    0|0
    0|0
  • He just wanted the only thing he got from you. Sorry to hear that, it happens very often.

    Move on. Find a real nice guy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • why would you want to be with someone who do not love you back. And exactly what wrong did you do? The guy didn't call back , didn't show any mark of attention, sorry to break your bubble but he's a jerk. And my point of you , he's a coward to not be able to be clear and loud and say exactly what the situation is!!! Move on girl!

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, he is the one that messed up... don't blame yourself, blame him for not wanting the person you are...

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think... if he really wanted to be with you he would've put in more effort. he wanted to break up, for God knows what reasons. honey move on. you don't need a perfect guy. you need a guy who'll love you despite all odds. stay strong

    0|0
    0|0
  • Babes he just used you for sex. Don't cry he's not worth crying for no one is. Keep you're head up and be strong. Focus on yourself and soon you'll find the right guy that's willing to give you more then 100% .

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    3
Loading... ;