I thought I'd get over it. I knew he was sorry, but it was I needed us to be "even" ... but then when that happened, it was almost like a satisfaction that I got addicted to and there were a few other guys.
We have a little boy now, he's 11 months, and as soon as I found out I was pregnant with him, my partner was all I wanted. I wanted to make things work with him and for us to have our little family, and we did work. When my son came along I was so happy. I had everything and I didn't want to think about the past.
One of his friends told him that he knew someone I'd been with and we ended up talking about absolutely everything and it was the worst night. He cried, I cried. We stayed up all night, and when it started to get light, I knew it was all over, and that everything had changed.
It's been strange since then. I haven't really seen him. He sees our little boy, but his mum picks him up and brings him back. My ex partner doesn't want to see me at all, which kind of shows me that he doesn't miss me, and all I do when I'm on my own is miss him.
I hear about him and it's like he's just going on with his life, and I'm almost jealous of his friends because they still get to be with him.
We were together for three years and now it's all over and he's not mine anymore. I hate the idea of spending the rest of our lives with him hating me. I still think of him as my man.
I don't know where we go from here, or how to make it so we're at least on talking terms.
Most Helpful Guy
This is what happens sometimes when you fuck up. Life doesn't always give you second chances. If you value something a great deal then you need to realise that as early as possible and to cherish it because it can too quickly be lost. You both messed up, you both made willing choices to mess up. There is no excuse for cheating and it never just happens. We make it happen, we choose to make it happen. It would be disingenuous to suggest anything less.
You seem to suggest that he has completely moved on and doesn't feel anything about you anymore and yet he doesn't want to see you, which suggest residual emotions. I'd be more worried if he could see you and not feel a damn thing, that would prove that he is absolutely over you. The fact that he doesn't want to see you suggests that he still feels something, even if that is just resentment. Any emotional investments is something. It could be that everything is not entirely lost. Or it could be that he could never bring himself to forgive you even if he has to spite himself. Some people really are that stubborn.
Either way, you are where you are and you would be naive to not prepare for the fact that this is over for good.
Most Helpful Girl
You played games with your ex. Do that, and you always become the loser. You wanted it to be an even score, but you forgot the old saying, "Two wrongs do not make a right".
I think you will have to accept that it will never get better. He has gone for good. You did not think of him as "My man" when you were having sex with these other guys.
Is your child the son of your ex? I guess only you know for sure, or if there is some doubt.