I can't accept that I've lost him, and I just want him back?

My ex partner and I broke up a couple of months ago after we both cheated. His cheating, I already knew about. It was way back at the beginning of our relationship and he told be about it almost straight afterwards.
I thought I'd get over it. I knew he was sorry, but it was I needed us to be "even" ... but then when that happened, it was almost like a satisfaction that I got addicted to and there were a few other guys.

We have a little boy now, he's 11 months, and as soon as I found out I was pregnant with him, my partner was all I wanted. I wanted to make things work with him and for us to have our little family, and we did work. When my son came along I was so happy. I had everything and I didn't want to think about the past.
One of his friends told him that he knew someone I'd been with and we ended up talking about absolutely everything and it was the worst night. He cried, I cried. We stayed up all night, and when it started to get light, I knew it was all over, and that everything had changed.
It's been strange since then. I haven't really seen him. He sees our little boy, but his mum picks him up and brings him back. My ex partner doesn't want to see me at all, which kind of shows me that he doesn't miss me, and all I do when I'm on my own is miss him.
I hear about him and it's like he's just going on with his life, and I'm almost jealous of his friends because they still get to be with him.

We were together for three years and now it's all over and he's not mine anymore. I hate the idea of spending the rest of our lives with him hating me. I still think of him as my man.

I don't know where we go from here, or how to make it so we're at least on talking terms.
I can't accept that I've lost him, and I just want him back?
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