I can't accept that I've lost him, and I just want him back?

My ex partner and I broke up a couple of months ago after we both cheated. His cheating, I already knew about. It was way back at the beginning of our relationship and he told be about it almost straight afterwards.
I thought I'd get over it. I knew he was sorry, but it was I needed us to be "even" ... but then when that happened, it was almost like a satisfaction that I got addicted to and there were a few other guys.

We have a little boy now, he's 11 months, and as soon as I found out I was pregnant with him, my partner was all I wanted. I wanted to make things work with him and for us to have our little family, and we did work. When my son came along I was so happy. I had everything and I didn't want to think about the past.
One of his friends told him that he knew someone I'd been with and we ended up talking about absolutely everything and it was the worst night. He cried, I cried. We stayed up all night, and when it started to get light, I knew it was all over, and that everything had changed.
It's been strange since then. I haven't really seen him. He sees our little boy, but his mum picks him up and brings him back. My ex partner doesn't want to see me at all, which kind of shows me that he doesn't miss me, and all I do when I'm on my own is miss him.
I hear about him and it's like he's just going on with his life, and I'm almost jealous of his friends because they still get to be with him.

We were together for three years and now it's all over and he's not mine anymore. I hate the idea of spending the rest of our lives with him hating me. I still think of him as my man.

I don't know where we go from here, or how to make it so we're at least on talking terms.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is what happens sometimes when you fuck up. Life doesn't always give you second chances. If you value something a great deal then you need to realise that as early as possible and to cherish it because it can too quickly be lost. You both messed up, you both made willing choices to mess up. There is no excuse for cheating and it never just happens. We make it happen, we choose to make it happen. It would be disingenuous to suggest anything less.

    You seem to suggest that he has completely moved on and doesn't feel anything about you anymore and yet he doesn't want to see you, which suggest residual emotions. I'd be more worried if he could see you and not feel a damn thing, that would prove that he is absolutely over you. The fact that he doesn't want to see you suggests that he still feels something, even if that is just resentment. Any emotional investments is something. It could be that everything is not entirely lost. Or it could be that he could never bring himself to forgive you even if he has to spite himself. Some people really are that stubborn.

    Either way, you are where you are and you would be naive to not prepare for the fact that this is over for good.

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    • In my heart, I know it's all over. It just doesn't seem real sometimes. It's like how could we be so happy one day, and have nothing the next.
      Even if he does still feel something, good or bad, it's not going to last forever and I feel so powerless to that, because all I can do is let that happen.

    • Well, it didn't happen without any event making it happen. It happened because you both conspired to break things beyond repair. The ending to anything can be swift in the right circumstances. You can be alive one moment and dead the next. Feelings can't just shut off overnight but they can be irreparably damaged. You can hurt someone to the extent that they will never allow their love to get past that hurt. Sometimes you drill deep into an old nerve, for example.

      Life will sometimes deal you a plate of cold shit that you simply cannot do anything about. Learning to find peace with that is part of life. We don't get a choice in death, loved ones just die. We can't change it, we can't turn the clock back. We can only find a way to move forward by taking the best parts from the experience.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You played games with your ex. Do that, and you always become the loser. You wanted it to be an even score, but you forgot the old saying, "Two wrongs do not make a right".

    I think you will have to accept that it will never get better. He has gone for good. You did not think of him as "My man" when you were having sex with these other guys.

    Is your child the son of your ex? I guess only you know for sure, or if there is some doubt.

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    • I think, back when it was happening, I was prepared for anything. I knew what I was doing and what could happen.
      Then when our son came along, he changed everything. Not just how I felt about our relationship but how I felt about my partner. He is his dad, and I was and am so in love with him on so many levels. I would have fought through anything to keep my family together and I did try, but I knew that night that I was fighting a losing battle.

    • I am so sorry it turned out that way. It is so easy to do things, that seem fun at the time, without thinking of the future.

      It is the same for people in sex industries, like cam girls. Seems harmless fun at the time, but it sure screws up your future prospects with guys.

    • Thank you for MHO.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Um. I don't think either of you know what a real relationship is considering you both cheated on each other. Obviously neither of you are ready for a relationship since you did that. If you add a mess to another mess you get a bigger mess.

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  • That's too bad

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  • Hi read through your post and am so sorry you going through all this it so painful to see one loosing the man or love of his life. have also been a victim of this but i never gave up i fought to the end to make sure i have my love back to my life despite all the challenge. i know you are o hurt and bitter now i will love you to email me on my mail there are tips and advice i will love to share with you which will really help you out to bring back your love. it work for me and i believe it will work for you too. this is my email at mccartkatty @ gmail. com i want you to email me it will surely be a help for you

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