Is it selfish that I'm breaking up with someone who is claiming they'll kill themselves if I do?

Hey again, a few months ago I posted: my boyfriend is suicidal over me suggesting to break up, what do I do?

After a long time trying to reason with him, he still insisted on staying together, and if not he will kill himself. I gave him one last calm, reasonable text, and called my sister up, opening up to her about everything (know one really knew what was going on). She disabled all my social media accounts, so we would have no contact, and I left them off for 2 weeks. I felt insanely guilty, and re-enabled them, figuring it was time not to run away from my problems but deal with them. As expected, it was a mess, now I'm just so confused- I tried telling him we're not a couple, and how things will be okay, using the "calm" tactics I usually do when he gets upset, but he wasn't having any of it, and proceeded to call me disgustingly selfish, not the real me etc. I sent him another text, doing my best not to sound aggressive or mean, and apologised as well as reaffirmed my thoughts on everything and wished him the best and urged him to talk to his therapist, family etc. And that I'll always be there for him, I then texted his brother letting him know what's going on, now he's texting me saying I've made a huge mistake and him ending his life will be my fault- what do I do? What is the right thing? Are my actions that selfish?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say that your boyfriends actions are the selfish ones, trying to blackmail you into staying by a threat to his life, which he knows you value and is so trying to emotionally manipulate you. I'd say your sisters approach was right, you've tried to be reasonable long enough. Just cut all contact with him and his brother, because he doesn't seem that reasonable either. If he does kill himself, it won't be your fault at all, it was because he was a weak coward.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No you are not being selfish because if he is threatening to commit suicide if you break up with him then he is the selfish one for being unreasonable because even if he sees you as his rock he should learn to move on especially because it sounds like he is lying considering that if he was going to do it then he would have already done so by now it might sound harsh but if you've already said that you're done and said it several times and he hasn't done it yet then I doubt he will and it also sounds like he's emotionally manipulating you into staying so, no, I wouldn't say that you are selfish.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • No you need to separate yourself from people like that you're not selfish at all or obliged to be with people like that

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  • You shouldn't feel bad about it but you should tell him to get help if he's serious about ending his life

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  • No, he is sick and playing on your sympathy. Run and run fast. Don't look back. Don't accept his calls. Block him on social media.

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  • Try explaining and convincing them by asking for time and then take decision whether you could persist with them or not.

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  • Even if he does end up offing himself (which is highly unlikely), it was ultimately his decision and absolutely zero responsibility falls on your shoulders.

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  • I got my ex gf's parents involved. Try it.

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What Girls Said 9

  • if someone is threatening to kill themselves of you break up with them that is emotional abuse. They won't actually do it and if you are the only reason they are alive then they need serious help. Trust me, leaving would be the best thing. They are just trying to guilt you into staying and that's shitty. You can't have a healthy relationship after that

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  • It wasn't selfish, I'd definitely say you did the right thing by talking to his brother, how about any of his other family? and it won't be your fault.. Not to sure why he's suicidal though doesn't make any sense :( how long were you guys together?

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    • He's doing it to control you. Break up with him, it only gets worse.

    • He absolutely hates his parents, so he's never given me his contact details, we were only together for about 5-7 months.

  • Not selfish at all. Please listen to me. As long as you are not encouraging it, you are free, and should, leave whenever you'd like.

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  • What a manipulative git. Walk out, he will not kill himself. And no, he is the selfish one for even threatening you with his own life. Not you.

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  • Uh No Lol He's Just Tryna Make You Stay The Loser.

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  • You are not selfish. He seems to be controlling you with threats. Get out of this relationship now before it gets worse. This guy doesn't sound like a good one to be around.

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  • Break it up, this is a narcissist person and that relationship will be nase on abuse.

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  • They're being selfish, not you

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  • It's not selfish to that. In fact if it is me I would have done the same too. The action might look selfish in some people's eyes but you did what is best for you. (Anyway who doesn't do what is best for themselves?) While your action influenced him whether he will end his life or not, it is still his own decision that he makes himself.

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