Communication problems with my boyfriend - does he care about me? (kinda long)

I've been in a long distance relationship for 7 months now (I'm in NY, he's in Delaware). It's great when we're together. For the most part we get along, we have fun, my boyfriend is affectionate and tells me he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. And I feel the same. But for maybe 4 or so months now, I've been very sad when I'm away from him. I know he misses me but he doesn't miss me to that degree. From that, I've made the assumption that I care more for him than he does for me. This really hurts, because every relationship I'm in, that's how it is. I'm very emotional and sensitive. He's laid-back and absent-minded. So anyway, basically when we're together it's wonderful, but when away, the communication is quite limited. When I say this I mean that I'm lucky if he texts me once a day. Sometimes he'll text me every day, then other times he'll go 3 days without saying anything. Usually I back off because I don't want to be clingy. And he is depressed and going through a court battle and he's very stressed. He also has said that he needs his space sometimes to be alone (I took this to mean that he really doesn't love me). We do video chat I'd say at least once a week. When I ask he's always said yes, and he initiates it sometimes too. I mean he does initiate, it's just that I'm the kind of girl who needs to talk to her boyfriend every day. And he's not like that. My mom and ex boyfriend said that.

So anyway, I stayed with him for a week and then last Wed he drove me up 4 hours to drop me off at home, stayed for an hour or 2, then drove another 2 hrs up to a concert/camping thing in upstate NY. We had fun and when he was leaving I specifically asked if he could text me more (I've mentioned before that I felt the communication was lacking and that I wasn't sure how long I could handle it if the relationship continued that way). I also specifically asked him to text me when he arrived at the concert, as it was late and I didn't want to worry. He said he would. Well he left at 9pm and 2am rolls around- still no text. I got worried and decided against my better judgment to send him a message. I said "Hey just wondering if you made it...I'm a bit worried. You're probably with your friends or sleeping. I hope you're OK. Love you". He never replied. He did say he was conserving his phone over the wknd so it doesn't run out of battery, but the fact that he never let me know he arrived really made me angry and hurt my feelings. I feel like he just doesn't care for me. He says he does, but when away, I just feel like he should want to talk to me. He says he misses me but then why doesn't he talk to me that much? He says he hates the phone and likes to talk in person or video chat. I feel like I spend 5 or so days with him, I sleep with him, and then I go home and we don't talk much. It makes me feel * * * * ty and crappy- like the relationship is purely physical. What should I do?


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  • I was in a relationship for 9 months with a guy who talked talked talked about how happy he was with the relationship. We had fun, hardly ever had tense words between us, and a great physical chemistry. There were things about his relationships with family members that had affected him growing up and he would say things like "I know I haven't told you about this or that, but I just never know when the right time is." So I would assure him there was no rush and that I was here when he wanted to talk-I never wanted to push him. I should also say he was SUPER social with his friends (who I like) and for the whole 9 months I don't think there was ONE weekend he had nothing going on. He showed up on my doorstep a month ago and said he wasn't communicating with me the way he knew he should be and that he didn't want to work on it-it was over. I'm not saying this to scare you, but I just want to ask if you are starting to feel like you are settling? It sounds a lot like my ex- He could be devoted in so many day to day ways, but when it came down to it he wanted to do what he wanted to do-and I fit into his life as long as I was available to fit in. If you feel like there is a lack of something in the relationship then guess what? There is! And it doesn't mean he will agree with you but it's important to YOU and if you feel like without it you are missing something then you have every right to speak up! I only say this because it wasn't until after we broke up that I realized HOW MUCH I had settled in order to be with him-blindly trusting his words about "the future" instead of watching his actions in the past and present. I think you're right when you say he should want to talk to you-it might not be that he doesn't care about you, but maybe his actions are proving that he doesn't care ENOUGH to meet you half way? I hope this helps-Be strong and hang in there!

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