Most Helpful Guy
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how empty you must feel. In the UK we have a bereavement service called CRUISE, make contact them or with your local equivalent. Remember, moving on is an acceptance of your loss and not a betrayal of your bf's memory.
Most Helpful Girl
You'll be able to love, you just need time to get to that point.
It sounds like you need to talk to a professional about what you're feeling, they could help you process your emotions. Right now it sounds like you're trying to numb yourself and your emotions, which isn't healthy.