What should I do with my girlfriend?

okay, so , I have this girlfriend since a long time, and thing hadn't been great lately, we fight all the time and we always say hurtful things to each other , etc. but if I break up with her I feel like she is going to be really bad, like not the standard feelings but beyond that, and I don't want to hurt her, so what should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Three things here.

    1)
    NEVER postpone ••being honest•• because you're afraid of what her reaction might be.
    Even if you're right, and she's going to have a hellishly bad reaction — if you drag this out, and keep avoiding difficult conversations, IT WILL JUST GET WORSE the longer you delay. Absolutely guaranteed.

    2)
    Different women like lots of different kinds of boys, with different types of personality traits.
    BUT
    You know what pretty much NO woman likes?
    ... A boy who CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS and CAN'T TAKE ACTION, when something is IMPORTANT.
    I swear to you, that is probably the single most unattractive trait that a boy can possibly have.
    (This is one of the reasons her reaction is pretty much guaranteed to be worse the longer you wait — because she'll become more and more dissatisfied with YOU, and YOUR inability to just put the issue on the table and start talking about it)

    And
    3)
    Conflict and fighting are not necessarily bad things, in a relationship. For the most part, ••the only way a rl can get DEEPER and CLOSER•• is by enduring conflict, RESOLVING that conflict, and emerging from it with a BETTER UNDERSTANDING of each other.
    This is the attitude with which you should approach these fights. Sure, you should get angry, too (... if you're totally calm and detached, she'll probably read that as a sign that you have no emotional investment in the rl). BUT, you should also OBSERVE how — and why — you're fighting, and use that opportunity to LEARN more about her priorities and her emotions (... and about yr own, too).

    ... But, yeah. The time to start having the hard conversations, is TODAY. Not tomorrow, not "later", not "at the right time". The right time is NOW.

    good luck.

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    • thank you very much! that is so helpful and that's kind of the problem, I don't know actually what is it that is going so bad, but I'll look for it, thanks!

    • You're welcome, and good luck.

      __

      Here's something else you may want to do.

      Close yr eyes for a sec, and think about this:
      Consider the "big" things that have happened to you, thus far in yr life. Which things have caused you to GROW the most (as a young man)? Which things have taught YOU the most about YOURSELF?

      ... You probably won't think of things that were "fun", or enjoyable. The things you'll think of, will almost certainly be things that were VERY negative and stressful ••while they were happening••.
      (There's an old saying — "Bad place to be, good place to be ••from••.")

      You shd think about these sorts of conflicts in the same way. Even if they do suck IN THE MOMENT... consider the POSITIVE LONG-TERM consequences of facing up to things that are difficult/stressful while they're happening.

      (Depending on yr personality, you might even be able to come around to a place where you don't even dislike conflict — where you actually ••look forward•• to a certain degree of

    • conflict, which can help keep a relationship ••alive•• and HOT.
      My husband and I are a rather extreme example of this. I wrote about that in my opinion here:
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2553333-do-you-find-some-conflict-argument-beneficial-or-negative-for-a

      I understand that we're the extreme, and that most couples will never reach the point of ••relishing•• conflict as much as we do.
      ... But, you should be able to pick up at least SOME of that attitude — of being able to look forward to conflict, because it's HOT! You'd be surprised how easy it is for emotional tension (= conflict) to transform into sexual/physical tension. And that... ohhh hell yeahhh that is a wonderful thing.)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Try working your problems out, come to a compromise. Talk it out (without yelling), a relationship takes effort from both sides. If you can't then your relationship will keep getting toxic.

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    • the biggest problem is that I don't know what's wrong, but that's a good start, thanks

    • No problem, just tell her that you've noticed that you guys have been arguing a lot as of late and you don't want it to be like this all the time then ask her if there's anything that you're doing wrong (ladies love to be right)

    • yeah, I know, thanks for the advice 😊

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What Girls Said 3

  • Dude, you're 17. I know it hurts and it won't be a fun experience but you're so young you have plenty of time. Try talking to her about it first, get your opinions across and try to improve the relationship. If nothing changes in a few months, then end it but do it nicely and explain everything. Try to make it work first then you won't have any regrets even if it does end.

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  • I would talk to her about it like say If we can't work things out together as partners then it's best that we stay friends

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    • Why are you guys fighting?

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    • and I have kind of tried that, but even that we are so bad she thinks that I'm the best thing in her life even though we have so much problems and that's part of my problem,

    • I see well, maybe tell her you need some space and she needs to think about it

  • you can sit down and talk to her

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What Guys Said 0

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