okay, so , I have this girlfriend since a long time, and thing hadn't been great lately, we fight all the time and we always say hurtful things to each other , etc. but if I break up with her I feel like she is going to be really bad, like not the standard feelings but beyond that, and I don't want to hurt her, so what should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
Three things here.
NEVER postpone ••being honest•• because you're afraid of what her reaction might be.
Even if you're right, and she's going to have a hellishly bad reaction — if you drag this out, and keep avoiding difficult conversations, IT WILL JUST GET WORSE the longer you delay. Absolutely guaranteed.
Different women like lots of different kinds of boys, with different types of personality traits.
You know what pretty much NO woman likes?
... A boy who CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS and CAN'T TAKE ACTION, when something is IMPORTANT.
I swear to you, that is probably the single most unattractive trait that a boy can possibly have.
(This is one of the reasons her reaction is pretty much guaranteed to be worse the longer you wait — because she'll become more and more dissatisfied with YOU, and YOUR inability to just put the issue on the table and start talking about it)
Conflict and fighting are not necessarily bad things, in a relationship. For the most part, ••the only way a rl can get DEEPER and CLOSER•• is by enduring conflict, RESOLVING that conflict, and emerging from it with a BETTER UNDERSTANDING of each other.
This is the attitude with which you should approach these fights. Sure, you should get angry, too (... if you're totally calm and detached, she'll probably read that as a sign that you have no emotional investment in the rl). BUT, you should also OBSERVE how — and why — you're fighting, and use that opportunity to LEARN more about her priorities and her emotions (... and about yr own, too).
... But, yeah. The time to start having the hard conversations, is TODAY. Not tomorrow, not "later", not "at the right time". The right time is NOW.