Given Up On Love, Who Else Feels The Same Way?

After a long deliberation, I have decided that I am completely given up on dating, love, relationships, the whole nine. I've had problems with dating ever since I started dating in high school. When my white boyfriend broke up with me because his friends and family were giving him shit about dating a black woman. Ever since then every guy I've dated has done nothing but use me, play me, and lie to me. No matter what I do. I've dated different races, different personalities, even resorted to online dating and it was still shit, hence the last guy I dated. All love has done to me is hurt me and leave me in financial ruin and I just truly believe that I'm one of those unfortunate ones that will never find it. Everyone is so quick to say I'm attractive but if that was the case I would have someone by now, probably be married. Obviously that's just not in the cards for me and I have to just learn to deal with it. Anyone else who feel the same way feel free to commiserate. For those who are in relationships and want to talk about how happy you are and love exists, save it. I don't want to read it. πŸ’―βœŒοΈSometimes love doesn't exist for some people.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps you are right to give up on it because most can only do dysfunction. Everything you find out there, is a much deeper reflection of the current state of the world. The world is dysfunctional, most are not living through their higher self, the vibration overall is lower than it should be, and although some are awakening, it is not yet enough to change the dominant form of the planet.

    Many think that love involves ups and downs, arguments, heart ache, misunderstandings, and differences, but it does not. Most of those things come from a purely mind based connection where love cannot exist, only the idea of it is mistaken for it's existence.

    There will be a time where real love flourishes and the world becomes as it should be, but I will be dead by then.

    However, if you wish not to give up, then your best bet is to go within as deep as possible, heal your wounds, understand your vibration, your egos presence and ''power'', your state of consciousness, and who you are beneath the exterior. That is the only way to attract a truly decent person but that is the very surface.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Um... Being attractive may attract your man, but it does little to keep him around. Even the most beautiful and attractive celebrities, models and actors suffer from divorce and cheating. In order to find love and keep it, you have to work VERY hard. Finding and keeping love is NOT easy. Relationships are work. You have to work hard to keep it together. It's a lifetime commitment and you have to be ready and willing to make that commitment.

    Just ask people that have been married and together for 30+ years and they will more than likely tell you the same thing. There will be moments where you think you couldn't make it, where you thought you weren't right for each other, where you broke up for a period of time, where one of you did something horribly wrong, etc. However, they stuck it out because they were DETERMINED, DESPERATE, and REFUSED to not make things work. The first couple that comes to mind is Beyonce and Jay-Z.

    People these days aren't willing to fight and go the distance when it comes to love, and judging from your question.. neither are you. Our generation has very non-realistic expectations and views when it comes to love. Ultimately, if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.. be prepared for a life of 80% percent trouble, hardships and work and 20% percent fun, love and good memories.

    My parents have been together 25+ years and I think there are more annoyed by each other than anything, but the love is still there. Think about your own relationship with your family. It took years of work, patience and turning a blind eye to get to the point where you are now, didn't it? There were some days where I wanted nothing more than to throw certain family members off the roof (constantly begging for money, constantly disappointing me, constantly getting into legal trouble, etc)... but, I stood by them.

    I realized what I want out of life pretty early and have decided that this path is not worth it for me. I would rather stay involved in other people's families (sister, parents, brother, friends etc) then make a family of my own.

    I hope you're not offended or anything by my post! Good luck to you!

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    • I've gone out if my way to try to make relationships work and I still ended up played and hurt. Frankly I'm sick of putting in the work just do get hurt. It's also hard to get involved with my family and friends because they are so far up their boyfriends ass all the time. My Facebook feed is nothing but relationship and marriages and it annoys the absolute hell out of me.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • Hate only hurts you, let the hate go if you want to move on. Have you ever changed yourself? Or just expected guys to change all on their own? If you wanted a better man, you need to be at the same standard the man of your dreams is at. Be at the standards you set for others. If your giving everything away, of course you'll be unhappy.

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    • Wise words from a young chap
      This guys knows lol

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    • There is only soo much you can blame the other guys until it becomes your choices. Maybe a bad guy is like once or twice or maybe a third time. But to have every single guy be bad for the last 6 years since you broke up with your ex --> thats your choices now lola

      Cmon its really not that complicated though. You're making it sound harder than it needs to be

    • @TripleAce I am not trying to trivialize the bad men you have had, however it is not their fault alone. Look for qualities that make a good man with manners. Everything on the outside can change, but if nothing on the inside changes, then you are truly the same person.

  • Physical beauty will attract guys who want to fuck you but that does not hold a guy who is looking for a relationship. The question is not necessarily WHERE you are looking but what you are looking for. If you are looking for slick guys who drive a fancy car and flash a wad of cash just to impress others, then you will continue to date players and users.

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  • I feel like I'm given up because of my trust issues and the foul things that happen my last relationship. My ex's always come back. Cheating lying and being used are part of the game. You just have to go with it even though it hurts. What I mean is be the best person you can be the man when something happens you don't like just leave. I'm learning to not live in the past. It's hard though. I haven't found someone to love on that level again. My mom and dad didn't find the right people to marry until they were in their 40s

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    • Yeah I don't have to deal with anything I don't want to and I'm not trying to get married in my 40s what are we gonna do? We'll be too old to do anything. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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    • And then want to complain about their wife not giving them any. That's your fault. You married the chick.

    • Maybe I should approach more women. I don't want anything on the side just one loyal honest woman. Don't worry Lola things will come together for you in the future.

  • I keep trying to be done with love and dating but there's one girl who holds my heart right now, and all I want is to just see her happy and all I cause her is heartbreak and pain. I feel like it'd be better if I never love anyone since I always inadvertently hurt them in some way.

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    • I used to like someone like that but he is a bumbling idiot so I gave up on him too.

  • I want to, but I just can't. I've never dated anyone. I have zero courage to ask out somebody I know and when I ask out women at bars/clubs nobody says yes. Online dating also doesn't work out for some reason.
    Now to be fair to all the women, I'm not the best looking guy and I have no idea how to flirt.

    So one day like you I decided to give up on dating. But something in me keeps getting me back to online dating websites, trying to chat up women in bars/clubs. All I get is rejection.
    Like you say "Sometimes love doesn't exist for some people.", I want to believe it. I keep telling myself that some people die alone and I should be cool with me being one of them. But I am not. These days when I drink I get sad and keep telling my friends/colleagues how miserable my life is. Surely they'll stop hanging with me in sometime.
    So, I would be really interested in knowing how long has it been since you gave up and how is it going for you.

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  • Out of 8 billion people worldwide... I seriously doubt love doesn't exist for you...

    just be straight up and say the guys you find attractive aren't making it happen with you - that's much more accurate...
    --> and when you frame is like that, it makes sense why it's so hard...

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    • You're a bit annoying with this lower your standard shit πŸ’―

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    • I'm not I'm just sick of the dating games. I don't have time for it

    • You either like me or you don't

  • I'm sorry that white boy screwed around on you, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but I know I'll meet someone great, and if I can, you sure as hell can because you're a lot better looking than I am.

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  • That's what they all say when relationship ends. you'll be back in the game within 3 to 6 months

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  • yeah me too

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    • Amen πŸ™Œ

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    • No one is allowed in my country. Everyone must evacuate!

    • Haha ohhhh

  • unless she falls in my lap, I doubt I'll be dating.

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  • Yes i'm taking a break , as its hard to find a woman that lives alone. I'll never pursue anything serious with a woman that doesn't live alone

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  • My brother was 42 before he found his wife.

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  • I am the zame way. I dated a girl online for 6 years and moved across the country and lived with her for 4 more years until one day she wanted to not be in a relationship anymore and wanted to have annon sex all the time. I prolonged my life plan for college and everything but I am so locked up now that I have given up to.

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    • My friend had a similar situation. She only dated a guy for like two months and she was so over the moon for him. She announced it on Facebook, gave him the key to her house and everything. I told her not to and in the end I was right.

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    • Yea sometimes they just need to be hit really hard with disappointment like we have is all

  • well I love black women and I wouldn't have gave a fuck what anybody sead and your beautiful but yeah I'm with you on the love thing

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  • yeah it doesn't exist for me too.. u just toched my heart .. i m a sexy boy but just becuase of my attitude girls just have sum fun with me and leave... they nevr understand how i feel

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    • Well you're profile pic definitely isn't helping you that's for sure.

  • the bottom sucks

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  • meeee...

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  • Just cause you're unattractive

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  • you shouldn't give up...

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    • But I am

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    • It is bullshit

    • i trully. can't believe that such a HOT WOMAN doesn't want to be loved

What Girls Said 12

  • Love can happen at any time, any age. My aunt only got married in her 40's as she met the love of her life much later on. I also know stunning women in their 30's who are single. I myself wonder how that can be but circumstances put you in difficult places sometimes and then logistically it just becomes impossible and hard to meet someone suitable. It is good to switch your focus onto something else but there is still hope really. I don't think you should feel like you will never meet someone. But yes, you should in the mean time focus on yourself, your goals and living the best life possible right now as a single person xx

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    • Eh I'm not looking to find someone in my 40s that's just too old to be trying to date at that point.

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    • So wait, if you had a boyfriend, would you also just assume you would never do anything after 40? You wouldn't go out, be together, cuddle, have sex etc? What makes you think when you reach a certain age you suddenly cannot enjoy being in a relationship? If you had a SO would you also just not enjoy anything romantic after 40?

      I'm just asking these things because I find your view point slightly strange so I just want to understand your reasoning for thinking that after 40 you cannot enjoy dating.

    • Well the last long term relationship I had was six years ago and that was my child's father. Ever since then it's been short term idiot losers who just want to play games and use me. So boyfriends and SO are foreign to men. I just think that after 40 it's too old to still be looking for a relationship. I've been approached by men 40 and over and a lot of them are just as bad as guys my age. A good portion of them are all married looking for a side so marriage at 40 can't be all that great.

  • I agree :(

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    • it doesn't matter what I do, if I am too nice I am too good and they can't hack it... eugh can't win

  • Omg I feel the exact same way. A girl I'd been seeing for two months (who I thought I was in a relationship with) and had fallen for walked out when I took her how I felt about her.) like I don't know what I did wrong I was so good to her and we spent almost every night together. She was younger than me 20 and I was the first girl she's been with and everyone tells me she used me as an experiment. My feelings were real though and it hurts so much. She won't respond to texts or calls and all I want to know is why and what I did wrong. I've had a ton of failed relationships with both men and women since I was in high school and 95% of the time they broke it off not me. I just feel like there must be something wrong with me and that I don't deserve to be loved.

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    • Wow, that's really unfortunate. I'm sorry you had to deal with that πŸ˜”

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    • Even though you weren't in a relationship she still had no reason to lie about anything and I think ghosting is just pussy and cowardly.

    • Like I was really good to her and I'm a human being. I just want an explanation at some point. Why did she feel broken and empty and why wasn't I able to help her. Why did she spend so much time with me if I was just a fuckbuddy. Why did she always want to cuddle with me all night long and day I made her feel safe. Why did she let me take her out everywhere on what were obviously dates. I don't understand why she let me hold her hand everywhere in public. These aren't things you do with a friends with benefits. Mainly I just want her to acknowledge how bad she hurt me... I'm a person with feelings and I feel like I was tossed like a worthless piece of garbage

  • I don't know right now. I'm a smart, successful, good looking, very kind, thoughtful, fun woman and I really do give a lot in relationships.
    I found the man of my dreams, he was my best friend and I was so in love with him. I believed he was the one and I wanted to spend my life with him... But he broke up with me and left me alone.

    It's hard. I know I'm young and I do think I can find someone again but after that it's hard to even want to try again so for now I'm not even interested in looking for someone.

    Love is the most wonderful thing until it ends, then it's the worst thing imaginable.

    That's the thing, it's risky. It's like Russian roulette with your heart and every set back you endure makes it harder and harder for you to have the strength and faith to try again because the pain of failing in love is just not worth the risk sometimes.

    So yeah... I don't know right now 😒

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  • I find it strange that you are giving up just like that. First the key is to be happy all by yourself. No matter who is around. Second - sort them out before they get you upset. Third - black girls are super popular these days. I am seeing numerous couples where the girl is black, the guy is not. Of all ages. Seriously

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    • I just got dumped by a white guy so I'm not feeling so popular at the moment and yes I'm giving up. I don't have time for men who approach me, disrupting my life pretending they're good, which makes it harder to sort, only to play games.

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    • Still when you feel down do affirmations. In fact I'm going to restart this. Life starts changing fast, I feel happy and forget practicing. Then slowly slip back. Look it up and try. Can use for anything actually

    • I'll try but I'm still not interested anymore.

  • Never! I've definitely had my down and negative moments. But I would never give up on it because it's important to me

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  • Yup! Right here!
    So done with wasting my time on guys who just want to manipulate and play me.

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  • I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

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  • I've been lied to, cheated on, abused, and now have emotional scars I can't seem to get rid of. I've felt the way you do but in the end I know I want to find someone, and it would be unfair for me to assume all guys are like the guys I've previously dated. If you are still open to dating, raise your standards and find someone worth your time, because your previous boyfriends sound like they didn't deserve it.

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  • Dear Lola... It's true somehow that it's very hard nowadays to find a real man who will just man up and keep you... I just heard that the guy I liked for five years is getting married!
    I can't even explain how does it feels like.. but the only thing that makes me able to breath now is that he didn't really like me and I'd rather keep searching than live with someone and get ignored and feel how careless about me he is..
    I really wish you can find a real man x.

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    • I'm honestly not even searching I'm just staying alone.

    • I do understand your feeling, But my only advice now dear is to just not Isolate yourself the right ones will come to you.

    • All that has approached me are the wrong ones that pretend to be right.

  • I feel your pain.

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  • I've been single my book entire life. Love gave up on me.

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    • I think it gave up on me the day I was born but I wasn't warned unfortunately.

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