Should I contact my ex-boyfriend?

We met 1 year ago while both living in Amsterdam and we continued long distance while I lived in NYC. He visited me in NYC, we made future plans, and he told me he loved me. We talked every day for 6 months straight. We we're best friends, lovers, and the first/last person we talked to each day. 3 weeks before I went to visit him in Amsterdam in June, he had decided he wanted to move to Berlin to pursue a career opportunity there. I told him I didn't know if it was feasible for me to move there and that crushed him. Fast forward to Amsterdam in June: He emotionally withdrew from me. He wasn't affectionate with me in public like he used to be, he didn't try to make conversation with me when we went out, he didn't take me on a day trip to the country like he said he would, and when I asked him about planning our Boston/NYC trip in August, he said, "I don't know if I want to go. It's too hot there." With all of these instances throughout the week, my heart sank. His friend asked us when we're going to see each other again and he didn't say anything. I felt so uncomfortable and so unwanted. My last full day in Amsterdam, he said he was thinking about us and how it shouldn't be this difficult. He told me he's been having a hard time finding things to talk with me about during this trip. I was shocked as I was the one putting forth the effort and he was not giving me anything in return. I left his apartment and spent my last day by myself. When I came back that evening, we ended things. I told him I felt like he didn't want me here and that he knew he was going to end things with me on my last day. He denied this and said he was trying to make this right and it's too hard. We haven't talked since. Now it is August and I see that he is dating a girl he met in April while dating me. I feel crushed that he's moved on so quickly and with someone he knew while with me. I want to tell him how he hurt me and that I was too upset in June to say how I felt. Advice?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Speaking from my personal experience, I don't think contacting will help at all. In fact it might do you more harm than good. I've been there before where I've wanted to tell my ex everything that was on my mind about the breakup but eventually I came to my senses that talking to them about this wouldn't help at all. The only case where talking to them would help is if they come to you first and seeing as he already found a girl super quick, we know that this isn't the case. I know that talking to them would help you so much in the breakup process, but it is extremely unrealistic that you'll be given that chance.

    It really does hurt knowing that your ex found someone so quick while you are still thinking about them everyday and I remember that those were bad times for me when the breakup was still fresh. I know that its going to be hard but you just have to take him dating others as a sign that you just have to keep moving forward. Him dating so quickly just goes to show what kind of person he is and its always for the best that those kind of people are out of your life. Don't take your ex dating someone else hit your confidence though, it was nothing on your part that drew him away from you but rather it was just himself. I hope this helped you and wish you the best of luck in your grieving process.

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    • Thank you for the kind response. I appreciate it and I definitely see your point of view. Given my history with the ex and the fact that he was so terrible my last week with him and tried blaming everything on me, I feel like I need to stand up for myself. I don't even want a response from him. I may block him after I send the message. I want him to know that he can't treat people the way he did.

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