Advice regarding a text message to clear the air. I was the Dumpee in this situation.. Planned on sending this after a week of NC. Thoughts?

This message is being sent because I believe that enough time has now passed that it can be written and read without a feeling of animosity or angst. I will try to keep this short but it may be longer then expected due to trying to handle this in the up most mature way possible. We are currently at a pass.. Realistically I only see two available options that are presenting themselves.. Option #1 - This would be the case if you're 100% committed to being single, whether it be you have found interest in another individual or not. We need to discuss the belongings situation and how to proceed with the financial items that still exist. I believe that a 1 week time period from now is enough time for us to hash out the details. This includes your belongings that remain and the return of the apartment key. I would like to accomplish this in a swift fashion, however we can. This will allow us to finalize the "going" of separate ways. Option #2 -This can only be applicable if you are honestly undecided about the current situation we have found ourselves in. I would propose that we again arrange and attempt a meet this weekend (I assume you are working, so a quick meet before work would suffice), again a place where we would both feel comfortable and at ease. This meet would not dwell on the past, the past is unchangeable. This would focus on what we need to do to build a possible future together, what you would like to see from me as a partner and vice versa. This does not cement a "2nd" chance, but it would allow us to truly identify if there is a possibility of reconciliation. Over these past few days I've had an enormous amount of time to gather my thoughts, process, and reflect. The nine months I have spent getting to know you as a person I will hold dearly. I have chosen option #2. I know that in my heart this is what I would like to see but I have also come to grips that you may not feel the same. Whatever you decide I will handle the outcome mature


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What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly, I think it's way too formal, robotic and just... Too much.
    You're not making a business deal, you're just sorting a few things.
    Also, I wouldn't be asking/hinting/assuming her decision to be single is not final. That shows an insecurity on your part. Take it at face value. she's made the decision. You are no longer together.

    None of this option #1/#2 stuff.
    No explaining the purpose of things; all that should be pretty self explanatory.

    "Hey, just wanted to sort out the situation with the finances/ get back the apartment key and whatever else. Better to do it sooner than later. Let me know what you think and when suits. Thanks."

    Something along those lines is fine. Don't be so controlling and formal, it really comes off very off-putting 😕

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    • I can definitely see how it could come across that way. I guess the reason I was so straight forward with my reasoning is the fact that she has made no attempt to collect her belongings that remain. She stopped by a few days ago while I was at work, messaged me saying she grabbed her hammock/coconut oil. I was a bit frustrated because if she had time to stop for these items why not snag the remaining clothes/jewelry/night stand items that also remained in the apartment. I do apprecite the feedback though.

    • Hey, sorry it took a whole to respond and hopefully this is still valid. I see what you mean. In that case, I feel like you'd have more reason to be straightforward, but still I think you'd be best off keeping it very simple, cold and to the point. Whatever happens, you will have created value for yourself in doing this. A longer message looks too emotionally fueled in my opinion and gives her more power over you. Which you don't want whether you wish to be on good terms in the future or not. Regardless, hope it all works out for you ☺️

What Guys Said 1

  • Looks good to me. Calm, clear, to the point.

    Good luck.

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    • Thank you for the feeback. Is there anything I should remove? I want it to sound more honest than desperate. I'm generally a confident guy, she's one special woman though.

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