What to do NOW that I know he cheated?!

I've been with my fiancé, now for 3yrs and about 3 months ago I found out that he cheated on me with his best friends wife his best friend and his wife had been separated for 2 months. My fiancé, claims that because, I was working 2nd shift until 1am and he was home drinking and he had no work at that time he was sad and lonely and his best friends wife had IM him and challenged him that he was scared to come over, because he was scared of her husband.He said that he had drove straight over to her apartment and she had put her 4 kids to sleep early. They did the deed and he said he came straight home.The next day she called her husbands family and her husband and told everyone what had happened and she was crying and had felt guilty. I had just got home from my 2nd job which was a morning job and I had answered the phone and it was his best-friend and he had said that my fiancé had cheated on me with his wife and that it's not the first time.His best friend had said that my fiancé had cheated on me a bunch of times and that I just didn't want to believe it because I was in love. At first I was defending him (for about 20 min)..I at first was thinking wow, she went too far trying to hurt her husband and make up lies...Yeah that didn't last too long. His friend then told me he knows his wife and she's not lying and that he knows my fiancé better than anyone and he has been an A-hole to me and that this was the last straw and I needed to know. I asked my fiancé about it and he denied it until I left and said I was going to the store.well, I went to her house and she just started crying and saying its true and how sorry she was, I my fiancé had called while I was over there and he sounded so low and sad, I told him we'll talk. When I got to the house he had confessed to everything and said he didn't mean to hurt me and loves me so much and won't ever do it again and everyday since he will just stop and cry out of no where while he's looking at me and just say he's so sorry for hurting me.I think about it at some point everyday. I love this man so much and more than anything I know...We had been on top of the world(well at least I was) and someone had told me that sometimes we can be so caught up in the fantasy of thing and bright lights that we're blinded by what is really in front of us...He tells me everyday he wants to work it out and get counseling and do anything to make it better..But we're now arguing about little things..He is my first, boyfriend minus the one or two I had in 1st grade.I really need to know what to do I'm going crazy thinking of all the times I haven't been home and if there had been others. It was just too easy for him to do it and it has me scared. Plus, they didn't even have enough respect to use protection. And that left me even more livid!HELP! I need some advice on where to go and what to do...Like I said My first boyfriend I feel like I don't know how to handle it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, I know you want to hold on and work it out. But it will never be the same at this point. You're always going to be worried that he's lying/out cheating. You'll constantly feel suspicious, disrespected, and hurt. And he will probably always feel guilty. The two of you will be trying to make a relationship work, but you two will be so exhausted because overcoming infedelity is HARD, and this will just make the both of you miserable.

    I have been cheated on, and as much as it hurt, I had too much respect for myself to stay with the guys. They both came back so sorry, saying I was all they wanted, and they loved me so much, and the sex with the other girls didn't mean a thing.

    But I could never look at them the same again after the ultimate act of disrespect. So I walked away. I was heartbroken over one of them, and cried for months. One tried for a good 2 years to get me back, the other still does. But I do not regret walking away and leaving them behind one bit. I will not settle for a guy who feels the need to cheat on me before realizing "I'm the one he wants".

    Some people say "it's just sex, there was no romantic feeling there"... Quite frankly, that doesn't mean sh!t to me. Being intimate like that with another woman is unforgivable in my book. Obviously he does not love and respect you enough to hold himself back from such temptations.

    I'm not going to say "He won't change"... because he very well may, and he may not do it again. But the fact that he has will haunt the both of you for a very long time.

    He's your first boyfriend. He shouldn't be your last. I honestly suggest you let this relationship go. Walk away and stay strong. Find someone that cherishes and respects you.

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    • Your right about feeling suspicious, disrespected and hurt. I constantly am wondering who is on the phone.And is your job really having you stay an hour later 3 times a week for mandatory overtime...They might, but I've really thought about calling up there and asking if it was mandatory..Dumb, I know...I cna't imagine anyone wanting to cheat on another human being, shows how nieve and trusting I was. My eyes have been made wide opened.I hate the fact that now he changed my life forever.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • just leave him.

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  • drop that asshole like a bad habit.

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  • You have two options forgive him, put up with it and stay with him, he will probably do it again because you let him.

    Or you can dump him and move on find someone else...

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    • Yeah, I have heard, that a lot of men that get away with it seem as if its a little game and just figure out how to do it better or try not to get caught the next time.I like how you sum it up and go straight to the point.

What Girls Said 1

  • If you stay with him it's going to take a long time to get over something this big. Heartbreak is the worst feeling. I know that for a fact! And I know how it feels to have your heart broken by your first serious boyfriend that you love. I chose to stick it out, and things have worked out. We have respect for each other now and we trust each other completley. But it wasn't easy to get to the point that were at right now. It was really hard to forgive each other and having a happy, decent relationship seemed almost impossible. People don't change unless they want to change, and we both sincerely wanted to change because we realized how much we loved each other. We have a really good relationship now, and its hard to believe that it used to be so sh*tty and dysfunctional.

    From what you described, it sounds like your boyfriend is sincerely sorry and that both of you would be willing to work things out if possible. This is really a make it or break it situation. And I know that after being with someone for so long its hard to imagine life without them. If I were you, I would try to work things out just to see if the two of you still had a chance at having a normal relationship again. It can be achieved, but it will take a lot of hard work and dedication to each other. But, if he ever f***s up again don't even think about giving him another chance. Pack your sh*t, and get out of there.

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    • I think I'm going to take it one day at a time, and I'm now watching and being more aware.I refuse to live my life as a private investigator or detective.If it gets to the point where I feel like I'm so jealous I won't stay.And if he isn't gonna continue to make a consceince effort, and prove to me that he is really gonna get help and TRY,i'm gonna have to grow some and leave. It's so inconvienent to have to re-plan my life, when it was going one way.Better now, to know then after I was married!

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