Why can't I stop thinking about my ex? What do you think about this break up?

Sorry this is going to be kind of long. I just really need advice. So I'm a 19 yr old virgin, who has never dated before. I met this 24 yr old guy at a party in November. Was hesitant at first, but I decided to give him a chance. This was the first time a guy treated me like this (I have anxiety). I noticed how we had certain things in common and how we made a lot of jokes. One red flag I noticed was how he pressured me to kiss him the second time we hung out. Besides that, I still decided to see him (despite my mother's objections).
When I was at college, he came to see me once a week. We would spend the whole day together. We go to different colleges as he is a grad student, and I'm a sophomore nursing student. My mom didn't want me to see him because of an incident in April. My little sister saw how a girl sent him a "Netlfix and Chill" message.. something that hurt me, but we talked about and decided to move on from it. He "claims" he never received a message like that. Around this time, we started to get closer and the relationship became physical (making out/dry humping/he would rub me).
Fast forward to summer... this is where I noticed things were getting a little different. Because of my mom, I managed to meet up with him about once a week. I took summer classes so our time was limited. We would spend about 2-4 hrs together, but I noticed how physical things were getting. We would talk for like 20 mins, then the remainder of the time would be making out, which I enjoyed at times tbh but I was still worried. I told him several times how I wanted to save myself for marriage, and he said he wouldn't pressure me. Well mid-June, I asked him whether the fooling around would lead to sex/and whether that was something he was going to expect. He got mad because he said that I'm making it seem like he only wants it. Well I went to his place the next day, and he pressured me to take off my underwear. Also talked me into him giving me oral, and got mad because I didn't
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give it back to him, despite the fact I told twice that I was scared and not ready. When I said no, he left me in the bed, partially naked. He didn't even let me kiss him or anything as he was mad. Because of his, I felt ashamed and regretted my actions... ANYWAYS. When I tried to talk about how I felt, he started blaming me by calling me selfish and hung on me when we were on the phone. I noticed how he started to talk to me less before this even happened.
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Anyways, I can't stop thinking about him as it's been 4 weeks NC and two months since I last saw him. I told him I couldn't handle the pressure and disrespect, as he last said he will distance himself from me so he won't hurt me anymore. I haven't been able to fully focus. I regret opening up to him. I already know he probably is seeing someone else or already having sex (he is not a virgin). Sorry this was so long. Thanks.
Why can't I stop thinking about my ex? What do you think about this break up?
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