Why can't I stop thinking about my ex? What do you think about this break up?

Sorry this is going to be kind of long. I just really need advice. So I'm a 19 yr old virgin, who has never dated before. I met this 24 yr old guy at a party in November. Was hesitant at first, but I decided to give him a chance. This was the first time a guy treated me like this (I have anxiety). I noticed how we had certain things in common and how we made a lot of jokes. One red flag I noticed was how he pressured me to kiss him the second time we hung out. Besides that, I still decided to see him (despite my mother's objections).
When I was at college, he came to see me once a week. We would spend the whole day together. We go to different colleges as he is a grad student, and I'm a sophomore nursing student. My mom didn't want me to see him because of an incident in April. My little sister saw how a girl sent him a "Netlfix and Chill" message.. something that hurt me, but we talked about and decided to move on from it. He "claims" he never received a message like that. Around this time, we started to get closer and the relationship became physical (making out/dry humping/he would rub me).
Fast forward to summer... this is where I noticed things were getting a little different. Because of my mom, I managed to meet up with him about once a week. I took summer classes so our time was limited. We would spend about 2-4 hrs together, but I noticed how physical things were getting. We would talk for like 20 mins, then the remainder of the time would be making out, which I enjoyed at times tbh but I was still worried. I told him several times how I wanted to save myself for marriage, and he said he wouldn't pressure me. Well mid-June, I asked him whether the fooling around would lead to sex/and whether that was something he was going to expect. He got mad because he said that I'm making it seem like he only wants it. Well I went to his place the next day, and he pressured me to take off my underwear. Also talked me into him giving me oral, and got mad because I didn't

Updates:
give it back to him, despite the fact I told twice that I was scared and not ready. When I said no, he left me in the bed, partially naked. He didn't even let me kiss him or anything as he was mad. Because of his, I felt ashamed and regretted my actions... ANYWAYS. When I tried to talk about how I felt, he started blaming me by calling me selfish and hung on me when we were on the phone. I noticed how he started to talk to me less before this even happened.
Anyways, I can't stop thinking about him as it's been 4 weeks NC and two months since I last saw him. I told him I couldn't handle the pressure and disrespect, as he last said he will distance himself from me so he won't hurt me anymore. I haven't been able to fully focus. I regret opening up to him. I already know he probably is seeing someone else or already having sex (he is not a virgin). Sorry this was so long. Thanks.

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What Guys Said 2

  • it's just normal thing, girl.
    if I turn pages of my past, it took me around 15months to get over my first breakup. I will suggest you to be socially active and spend time with your good friends (whom you know since 5year min)
    you are old enough to discover your strengths and passion. indulge yourself in them. (I learned German, Korean and Gujarati back then).
    cheers

    Note: there is no point going back with him, so please don't think anything in that perspective.

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    • That's what I keep thinking. And what's worse is I'm going to be seeing him at a concert this weekend. I'm honestly scared. He still has me on Snapchat and watches my Snap story.

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    • No, US

    • okay...
      you sounds like south Asian...
      I don't know how easy getting sex is in your country, but someone just posted here that she doesn't think he was your boyfriend. and I totally agree..

  • He's a selfish jerk.. You can do better thn such an inconsiderate wanker xx

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think he was even a boyfriend to you. I mean from what you say It seemed all he cared. was to be physical with you. And he is not worth it. he was a lesson.

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