Most Helpful Girl
She might be afraid to talk to you (not knowing whst or how she should say it) and could be talking to friends about how to bring issues up.
Most Helpful Guy
So, if I understand you correctly, your partner is talking to others about things that you feel she should be talking to you about and you consider this disrespectful? Assuming I understand you correctly, here's the thing -- if she's talking to someone else about things, it pretty much means that she doesn't feel she can talk to you. You say you're not hard to talk to, but then you immediately defend yourself saying that you can be aggressive or dismissive if you have to listen to "bullshit".
I think I get what you're saying and I'm not saying that this is wrong for you to feel this way, but when a friend or family member comes to talk to you, sometimes they just want support, even if they're being stupid. They don't want to hear solutions or hear about what they're doing wrong and instead just want someone to be outraged with them, e. g. "What? I can't believe she'd say that to you! So what did you say back?" etc. It's totally ok if you don't want to play that role, but if you're going to be rigid on this, then you just have to accept that you're not going to always be the one she turns to when she needs to vent.