Lost on what to do about my relationship... He tells me he's been having dreams about his Ex?

I have been dating this guy for a year and he isn't over his ex. We took a break about 2 months ago because he said he wanted to figure everything in his life out. Then within a month we were back together. He came back and said he was sorry for what he had put me through. So we have been trying to work on it. This whole year we haven't put a label on us because we both didn't feel like it was important, but after we took the break I told him that I felt like it was important that we had been together long enough that it needed to happen. So I stated how I felt then I've waited to see of he would make it official with us. So last night I brought it up because I feel like its been long enough and I said it needs to happen or we need to move on. He then comes out and says he hasn't wanted to make it official until he knows he's over his ex (with for 6 years). He said that he has had dreams about his ex, me and him the past few weeks all together. I have asked him if he feels like he wants to be back with her and he says no. I told him that I want us to be adults and not waste time if he wants to be with her. He says that's not the case at all. He says that he loves me without a doubt, but he knows he shouldn't have dreams about her and think about her. I mean is this normal? He says that he wants to be with me, but he doesn't to still have her on the mind. I'm trying to be an adult about this and not get upset. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to feel? Help please?


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  • It'll always be like that with just about anybody. You should understand that he used to love her, that a human being will always remember how they once loved anybody. And I mean, 6 years, that's a long time. He won't forget his past, memories will always be there, good or bad. But you can make new memories. He said he loved you, give him a chance because I'm sure that one day all he'll think about is you. (Well, almost)
    I went through the same thing and the truth is it isn't easy. Knowing that the person you love is thinking about someone else.
    However, think to yourself, "does he make me happy?" Because that is all that should matter. If you don't feel happy having him close then move on. Maybe take a second break for yourself, to think about your relationship to him and how you feel about it.
    You also mentioned you guys are not official after a year (?). To me, it's concerning that you haven't put a label to your relationship. You see, it would be understandable if you guys just want to fool around and have some fun. However, the way I see it is that you really love him, why else would you be here?
    Remember, "time heals all wounds," but also remember to not get fooled.

  • Everyone occasionally thinks about previous relationships, memories are a part of life. But the fact it's at least 12 months since they broke up and he's still considering a previous relationship makes me think he isn't even trying to move on. Some people thrive on memories... the good old days that have actually been elevated in their mind to be better than what it was in reality and compare things to that time.
    Personally I wouldn't have even invested this much time... having an ex constantly in the sidelines because he can't let go isn't for me

  • I don't think he's over her


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