Military wife struggling with staying married. Any advice?

My husband and I have been together for 4 years (married for 2) and are both 22 with a toddler. In February he joined the Marines. We can't live together while he's in school and everything (it's been 6 months so far with 6 more to go). Obviously it's challenging and I doubt it will stay this hard when we can live together again. But the problem is he keeps essentially forgetting about me. He doesn't call until he's too tired to talk for more than about 20 minutes (he gets out of class at noon). He even went as far as saying it's not convenient for him to have to hold the phone to talk to me while he's playing video games. I know it's just a hard situation, but I have friends telling me it's no excuse... I miss having attention from my husband but at this point I just want attention. Anyone have any advice?

Updates:
I'm asking because I want to stay married to him, I've just been really unhappy. I will not cheat on him. I would get a divorce before I would cheat.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He has to change his attitude. You're his wife, the mother of his child, and despite the difficulties he has, he cannot treat you like an inconvenience. Video games are more important than you are?
    There would be serious questions being asked if it was me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Makes no sense that he joined the marines now that he's married and has a toddler knowing he would be away for 6 months. If he wanted to be in the marines then that's something he should of did before getting married and having a child, if you met/married while he was in the marines then I could back him up on that cause that would have been your decision to get with him. As a husband this was a very poor decision to make cause now its putting a strain on your marriage and not to mention he's not there to even see his own kid. In a way I would feel like him joining the army was some type of excuse to escape, cause now he's making up all these excuses to not even stay in contact with you. At least husbands in the marines/ military to that much when their away from their wives, next time you speak with him just tell him if doesn't want to be married anymore than all he has to do is say so. If he does want to stay married, then tell him he needs to start putting some effort into speaking with you, he might be busy but the times he does have free sense he's obviously playing video games, needs to spent talking to you for at least and the baby via Skype for at least an hour or two.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • i think you find acceptance that while yuo are absolutely a priority in his life he does have a calling that demands tons of time, attention and emotion. so when he does have breaks he may truly need a mindless escape. it's hard and i'm sure it sucks but i think you have to accept this as fact.

    but i would talk to him about arranging a sort of schedule when you guys can talk that works for both of you. perhaps corresponding via email or even old school mail would be a nice option to subsidize less one on one conversations.

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  • If you live on base, they have marriage counseling and therapists that are very familiar with these issues.

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  • Talk to him that it bothers you and find the solution together.

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  • Sweetheart dont think like that he choice to be a marine and he sacrificed that much amount of time for to survive in future , thats very critical time you should be given him a full support , army physically and mentally endovours you and the last thing a marine wants to think about his wife staying in home and waiting for him its a hard thing being there done that if I was you I would give that 6 months of time then talk about your feelings.

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  • Obviously you're building up your excuses for cheating on him. Which you will no doubt do. All military wives tend to be whores.

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    • That's some nasty generalisation right there.

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    • Ouch you hurt me bad anon guy :)

    • @wittymilf -- Although, from your profile picture, half of your user name is accurate.

What Girls Said 9

  • I have always thought that a married person should not be in the armed forces. It is just too risky being forced apart, especially with kids. Even if you get through this period, there may be more times when you are forced to live apart.

    You will either have to accept living LIKE a single person, or actually become a single person. Any cheating is not on!

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    • Thank God you don't make the rules. Our country would be a wasteland

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    • ... and I did not say they would not be ALLOWED. Just that cannot expect a wife and kids to chase them. AND YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!

      Would you be happy with your SO risking her neck on the front line while you stay miles away with your kids?

      Kindly give an answer. If you can!

    • See, this asker is having problems. Now this problem is what happens!

  • you need to tell your husband how his actions make you feel. Its is somewhat understandable for him to not be able to give you all his attention but at the same time, he has to devote some of it to you and not at the end of the day when he is "to tired to talk"
    Don't just say you want more time, explain that when he only gives you the end of the day or makes you feel like an inconvenience that it is effecting how you feel about your relationship. Tell him that you feel like you don't matter to him and that you want to work on a better way for you to communicate that make the both of you feel loved and wanted. He also needs to make time to speak with his child. He is away know but he will want his child to recognize him and be familiar with his voice.

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  • wait why he decided to join the marines after he's married and with a toddler? i seriously don't get it?
    if he joined way before you guys married and had a kid then it would have been way easier to understand and would make more sense.

    and why the f*ck he prefers playing video games rather than talking to his wife and asking about how his toddler is doing? he might have joined the marines but still he has to keep in mind that he has his responsibilities as a husband and a father.

    Also i think that you should talk to him about it and about how you feel about his "attitude"

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  • have you talked with him about how it makes you feel?

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    • because if you haven't, you need to approach him with love and respect. basically say "hey I love you and I'm proud of you for supporting our family. I know you are working hard and it makes additional tasks more difficult, but I'm emotionally struggling without you. is there any way we could set up a specific day/ time of week when I know you will call and we can connect for a reasonable amount of time so that way you aren't too tired and I can continue to be strong for you and our family."

  • communication is the key. instead of asking your friends which obviously they will say he is being selfish. talk to your husband explain to him you want some of his attention. explain to him your feelings.

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  • Talk too him about it. Make sure to let him know what is bothering you.

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  • that is difficult. can't give you any advice. Just want to wish you to be happy whatever you decide.

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  • I appreciate and adore military wifes so much. They are basically are strong people, so supportive, and really, i feel like they give so much powers to our army. But, i think, your husband, forget his place as your husband and dad. He should appreciate you more because of he joined the marines, that means he can't spend a lot of times with you and it sucks. He should appreciate every second he has to be with you. And i know how you feel there to be alone struggling to raise your kid, and with no conversation like normal couple. I can feel your sadness as a woman. I am sorry you through this.

    There is a community for military wifes, maybe you could join them. And don't forget to talk to your husband about his attitude.

    As a woman, i am sure, you and him will through this situation. You are fighter after all, you are strong. Don't give up to divorce. Search the solution together. x

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  • Maybe get a pet or something

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