Sudden change of heart, how do I move past it?

At the beginning of the year I met this girl. And her and I instantaneously hit it off. We always had things to say to each other. We always would hang out with each other and go do really really fun things. After being friends for about 3 months we both developed feelings for each other. So naturally I asked her out on a date and we went. And it was absolutely perfect. We were officially together a month after our first date. And things were seriously just so perfect. We spent almost every day together this year. So, naturally, I started falling for her. About 2 months into our relationship I told her the three words
"I love you"
And things weren't instantly weird. She held me really close and told me that she didn't want to say that back unless she knew she meant it. Which was very much okay with me. So we continued just being us. I remember I left her house one week and very quickly noticed she started being distant. For a week it was just weird distance, then not, then distance.
Then out of what feels like no where she broke up with me. We talked about it a few times and it just came down to her not being ready for a serious relationship because when we met at the beginning of the year she had just gotten out of a two year relationship. Which I don't see how that should effect what her and I had. You know? Like she was saying serious things about her and I. She would say she sees a future with me in it, she's never felt like this for someone before. etc etc. She got scared and just ran away. And she knows that. And that just absolutely shatters me. Her and I both have never had something like what we had before.

I don't really know how to even try to get past it. And yeah we weren't together long but I've never been with a more wonderful indescribably amazing person who I connected with so well. I fell for her so hard.


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  • It sounds to me like she really wanted to believe in the long term with you but she just didn't feel it as much as she wanted to. Part of that could be that it just didn't feel as powerful as it did with her ex, which could in turn indicate that she wasn't properly over him. When it came down to it she realised that she couldn't pretend anymore, she just wasn't certain that you were the one.

    That's my take on this from what you've said.

    In terms of how to get past it, it starts with acceptance. You have to accept that it's over if you want to move on. Then it takes time to adjust to that and for the gaps in your life to be filled. With time comes a deeper acceptance, a more complete routine and a sense of peace.

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    • She would tell me that out of anyone she's ever been with I treated her the best. And from what I understand her most recently relationship wasn't anything close to what this was and that she stayed with him because she felt scared. And I mean the dude cheated on her.

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    • Having been in a similar situation where I wanted out of a relationship and stayed because I felt scared, and when I was out, that was it. There was no carrot stick, nothing. I've been in a number of abusive relationships as well.

    • As I said, you can read things how you want, you know her better than me. The abusive male dynamic is usually very different to the abusive female dynamic.

  • To me, it seems like she just wasn't over her past relationship. She tried fooling herself that she was over it but when you said that you loved her, it really made her think about how she really feels overall. And during that time I feel like she realized that she needs more time before she can be in a other relationship again. I want to emphasize that you did nothing wrong on your part, in fact it seems like you did mostly everything right. The problem literally is hers and you need to decide now if you can to wait until she's finally over the relationship (which could be from 1 month - 1 year) or decide to cut off the potential relationship and start looking for other people.

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