Why is my ex still calling me when the relationship is OVER due to infidelity?

OK, so here's the story: My ex and I dated for 3 1/2 years. Throughout that time we've had some good times as well as bad times. We even went to premarital counseling because we both expressed the idea of getting married. It was a serious relationship. He was very caring and attentive in the beginning but that seemed to change over time. After about 8 months into the relationship, he became very jealous of a friendship that I have had with a male for over 10 years that lives in my hometown. He expressed to me that he didn't like that my friend would call and he felt like something was going on. I assured him that we are just friends and that nothing is going on. It never mattered what I said because in his mind, he thought there had to be something going on. We have had numerous arguments over this and I lately I was getting really tired of the same old argument. He always thought that I was defending the relationship and choosing it over ours.

Recently we had a conversation and he began to tell me that he didn't trust me and that he knows that he hasn't been "a saint". He began to tell me that he had been intimate with 3 women (including an ex and a co-worker) over the past year or so. He said it like it wasn't a big deal and had we not been arguing about my friend he wouldn't have done that. He mentioned that it happened almost every time we argued about my friend and that it only lasted 5 minutes and that he didn't kiss them and he sent them on "their merry way" after it happened. He also mentioned that the last "incident" happened a month ago. I was completely shocked when he told me all of this and at that point I knew it was over because I know that I can never trust him again and I can't deal with his jealousy and arrogance. He was a complete hypocrite because he would always tell me that I wasn't being honest and that I was hiding something and all along he was the one being dishonest. He expects me to just forgive him since he "put all his cards out on the table" and "move forward". I told him there was no way we can move forward because I can no longer trust him. I am completely disgusted with his actions and I can't even look at him. I was faithful to him and never crossed the line with my friend of more than 10 years. I feel so betrayed and I know that I could never be with him; however he keeps calling me making small talk like he didn't just tell me all the horrible things he did. I feel confused because I still answer his phone calls although I don't have much to say to him. I just don't understand what's going on in his head right now. Sorry this is so long.


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  • Calling you with small talk after all that? THis guy is arrogant indeed. It's hard to tell what's going on in his head. What's obvious is that he shows an incredible lack of tact and just plain common sense. I think he is so tuned into himself and his own (pathological) needs, that he cannot see further than his own nose. It's good you're done with him

  • Knowing that you two went out for so long I think that he is still calling you because he is having a hard time getting over you. I would pick up the phone next time he calls and say "Listen, it's over and I think that you should get that through your think skull. Do us both a favor and don't call me again." And if he does end up calling again just don't pick up, ignore it. That way he knows that he doesn't have a chance at getting you back because that's the only signal you're sending by continuing with his "small talk."


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