Most Helpful Guy
I believe that anger makes people say what they really think or feel about things sometimes, so I always listen carefully. If in an argument, my partner told me that he had never wanted to marry me and that I had ruined his life, it would be difficult for me to imagine salvaging our relationship. I would be very worried by these sorts of statements.
Most Helpful Girl
It's hard to say without knowing the guy whether or not he says these things about you based on his true feelings or otherwise.
He may just be an argumentative person. Perhaps he starts off by wanting to discuss something that is upsetting him, but when he feels he is losing control of where the discussion (or argument) is going, he may resort to immature tactics--name calling, being generally disagreeable or oppositional, being unapologetic, being unreasonable, swearing, yelling, walking away, mocking, etc.--as a way of regaining his ground.
That said, perhaps he is simply not skilled in the art of conversation (or argument). What I mean, specifically, is that some people can carry on discussions with certain people (or about certain topics), and not with (or about) others. It's possible he doesn't feel that he can be as open or honest with you as he'd like to be, and so he hijacks the whole thing and becomes a verbal terrorist.
Then there are the types of people who are intolerant of opinions that aren't theirs, and they are oppositional to everything you say. These people can be charming and easy-going during simple day-to-day discussions, and impossible to talk to during a disagreement.
And then there's the more passive-aggressive variety of person--the type whom I would refer to as a "fair-weather friend." These types simply can't be bothered to have an honest disagreement with someone else. And if all else fails and they must, they find the quickest (and sometimes dirtiest) way to get out of it--by being a total jerk or stonewalling.
Based on your description of your husband, I'm going to assume he's not particularly passive-aggressive, since he is "pushing" you into these arguments. He strikes me as the type who is simply intolerant, and doesn't want to give you a chance to "win the fight," so to speak. He wants to win by default by employing these tactics in order to make you give up because you're upset over this new piece of the argument. By turning your attention away from the issue that was raised, and turning it instead into insulting condescension, he is trying to control the outcome by being a dick.
It's easy to say hurtful things in anger, but if that's the case you and your husband need to discuss it truthfully, and probably employ a therapist. Both of you need to be happy in your marriage in order for it to last. And frankly, your husband probably needs anger management.