Should I end things with someone I've fallen in love with?

Hi everyone, I've been seeing this guy for almost 8 months. He's about 10 years older than me, and moving 3 hours away this fall. We started out by just having sex once or twice a week, and then after some time, I started sleeping at his place almost every night. We were both very busy with school and only saw each other at night.. going on dates was difficult. But we would watch movies in bed, cook dinner together, have deep conversations, it felt like we were in a relationship. After waiting a couple months for him to "make it official", I decided to just go ahead and ask. He told me his life was too unorganized to get into a relationship, which I could understand, and we decided on just being exclusive. When summer came, we talked almost everyday through the phone or by Skype. At one point, he was in my area and came to see me/meet my parents. I asked him again about our relationship and even said I was willing to do long distance, but he still doesn't want one (for the same reason as before). I'm starting to feel like he's just using me. Yesterday he told me he showed my nudes to a friend. I was, still am, very upset... I feel like this is almost a deal breaker for me, someone who really cares and respects their s/o wouldn't do that. Even before, in the first couple months we were seeing each other, I left my underwear at his place, and he told me that he let his friend smell them? I kind of brushed that off but now I'm scared that maybe I've been dismissing all the sh*tty things he's done because I love him. I feel like I'm partially to blame for his behavior because we were very sexual from the start... He tells me he misses me/cares about me and gets jealous easily... but do you think he'll ever commit?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • he looks like a cheater to me, if you were staying together as often as you could, you had feelings for each other, you cooked dinner together and all of that, the only thing that being official would change is that others would know you're not single. and showing your nudes to his friends isn't your fault, you were being sexual with him not with his friends

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's using you for sex. He's saying It's not even a relationship. For most people, if someone lives with them on daily basis in their room... it's already a relationship. But if he fails to acknowledge as so even after all that then he's just using you. Showing your pics and underwear is not cool...
    by the way, for your own lesson in the future, you should be smart about pics like that... even if you let him take such pics you should be smart to delete them.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • He's a douche. The simple fact that he showed nudes of you to his friend and he's at least 28 years old shows that he's an immature douche. Be thankful and move on away from this douche.

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    • Okay, hard words to hear but nonetheless, thank you!

  • He doesn't respect you. This is a fuck buddy relationship, he doesn't have the same feelings. End it immediately.

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  • Breakup with him. he's a jackass. what kinda man shows his woman naked to his friends?

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  • Leave now! He can't be trusted. The underwear comment was enough to come to that conclusion. This dudes a creep and probably has some deep seeded issues you're not seeing. Flee woman!! FLEE

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  • He is just using you. Just kick his ass & move on. There is no love and never was, why the hell he he wants to show u naked to his friends. He is an asshole, and doesn't deserve you. Just break up with him and move on.

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  • I'd go ahead and cut the cord. it's really difficult to do so and especially to continue to move on in the near future, but it's soo much more worth it. He just sounds like a lot of insecure and douchey guys. he gets jealous, shows nudes, and is one Pervy fuck if he's letting friends smell yo undies. He wants all of the good bits in a relationship without any of the bad or difficult parts. Ya need to just cut him loose.

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    • Ahhh I know you're probably right... though today he said he feels something when he looks at me and also said that he could see himself falling in love with me...

      I know I sound moronic making an excuse about him showing my nudes to others, but I told him today how much that hurt me. We have a very sexually charged relationship so he thought I wouldn't mind. He apologized profusely for it.. I know it's crazy to say (with all the panty sniffing/nudes showing/asshole activity) but weirdos need girlfriends too? Or do you think he's too far gone to change? I can't just write him off as a douche like everyone else in the reply section.. people are so much more complicated than that in my opinion

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    • I didn't even think of that as a possibility, wow... I'm feeling naive as ever 😕 Thank you so much for your advice, you were really very helpful

    • I may be wrong, but that's just what it sounds like to me and from what I've seen with other people. People like sex lol and are usually willing to do a lot for it. Anyway, that's just life! Shit happens sometimes. I'm glad I could help :) If you do go back into the "relationship", just be cautious. Hold off for a bit and see how he responds.

  • Yeah, so you were from earlier right? yeah with context he is clearly using you for sex, you might think you've 'fallen in love' with him but thats just being naive. End it.

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  • he doesn't love you...
    he might just be using you
    leave him a move on...

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  • There was a book written years ago called , 'he's just not into you'

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What Girls Said 10

  • He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He has made this very clear. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You are not special to him.

    Why, exactly, would you stay with him, given that all of the above is true?

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    • I think only because he's the first person I've ever loved.. but I absolutely agree with you, he's not the one. Thank you for your reply!

  • Commitment issues can be a deal breaker in some relationships. Your idea of wanting a label on things can confuse the opposite gender who really just wants to wing it and see where the relationship takes them. You want something different, that he's clearly not on board with. Are you willing to wait on instincts or move on and find what you're looking for?

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  • I would break up. No guy who care about you would share things like that with his friends. It's childish and demeaning, I'm sorry :(

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  • I've been ghosted with a guy like that recently. Seriously babe he has no respect for you. Respect yourself and leave this douche bag. You will be glad in the end. He will never commit to you

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  • No. friends with benefits are like pretend relationships.. yes you got used

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  • switch your phone off immediately and go on a phonediet for a month even if it drives you insane. youl feel much better doing that than the disapointment thats awaiting you if you keep believing that this is love.

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  • He's a user. And you deserve to be treated with respect.

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  • break up with him. ewww that guy is crazy

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  • it started off as a friends with benefits. aka booty call, so of course he's never going to want a real relationship with you. you will not get commitment and a long term relationship from this guy. and even if he told you yes, he would just be telling you that to keep you around

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  • Has he no respect for you? Or are you agreeing to be fucked by both?

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