Dating after divorce?

I am separated after 7+ years of marriage and have 3 kids.
I wonder what it's like dating when you come with "baggage." Do you tell them straight up you have 3 kids or does that make you a target for abusers?
If you're looking for commitment before sex, when should you say that?
I am terrified!
Anyone date and/or remarry after divorce?


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214

Most Helpful Guy

  • How are you going about dating? Online or just meeting guys in person? I'd have more of a fear of abusers with online creepy dudes.
    I think you firstly you go on a few dates and then establish your thoughts. If you want to continue things then talk about your boundaries.
    As far as telling him that you have kids. It could be the first date and probably should be. l jyst to kinda cover your ass. You are a single mom of 3, you probably don't have a lot of time outside your babies so I'm getting at when he asks you "what do you do on your weekends? You don't have to worry about saying "oh I take my kids to the park or watch them play sports" because he knows you have kids.
    Not divorced and not remarried so I can't help you there.

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    • Also you are questionin good everything right now because well you haven't dated in maybe 10 years. So I think things will happen naturally and try to not get caught up in these questions. You also have a mother's intuition, use that. If something doesn't feel right about a guy, you are probably right.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I was married for 19 years when I got divorced and my kids were about 16, 14, 13, and 11.

    I've since remarried but when I did date I always found it best to be honest about having kids and that I wasn't interested in just sex. Most, but not all, of my dating was through OKCupid, which made it easy to be up front.

    Post-divorce dating can be really scary so I know how you feel. If you've any questions or want to chat about it, you're welcome to message me.

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    • I got on YouTube and all these men have videos to "coach" other men to never date a single mom. It made me freaking cry! I guess I thought I could find a happy relationship now, but most men don't want someone like me.

    • You may consider, if you haven't already, OKCupid or Match, there really are guys looking for relationships who won't care if you have children.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • depending on how you plan on dating. if you meet someone online it's easy to decide whether a guy cares about you having children or not. what if you meet somebody while you're out and about and they ask you out, then during the day I would totally mention the kids because that's your life. if someone can't deal with your kids then they shouldn't deal with you. the fact that you have children it's not that big of a deal to a man around your age or older. I'm sure you'll be surprise at how accepting a man can be when a woman is honest and open.

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  • honesty is important, especially when you have children.
    I know everyone wants to be loved, but I'm sure your kids need it more than you do.

    With your personality, you can manage or determine if that person is appropriate to commit to that relationship or not.

    what I'm trying to say is, always make a backup plan for you and your kids, including their safety and feelings.

    Don't hurry up and take it easy.

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  • maybe I'm naive, but i don't see how revealing that you have kids would attract abusers. i think telling a guy soon, maybe on the second or third date would be a good idea. it's best to be upfront about it i would say. i think a lot of guys could see it as a turn off, but if a guy really likes you, i think he'd see past that and accept that's the package that you are. that's why i think you should save telling them till a couple dates in so they at least get to judge you properly for who you are rather than some negative preconceived notion that they may have. you still stand a good chance being only 28. chin up.

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  • You should probably let the person know you have children as soon as you reasonably can. So you don't waste anyone's time.

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    • Gee, thanks.

    • I didn't mean that in any offensive way, but it's easier to find out where someone stands earlier on in the encounter. You don't want to mention you have 3 children later on while you're dating. Especially at your age, 3 children is a lot. I wouldn't expect a 28 year old woman to have 3 children already. Usually. Some men can be caught off guard by that. It's best to know where they stand earlier on, so no one gets disappointed later on.

  • Maybe think about what's best for the kids? I'm a bit thrown off by the fact that they're "baggage", but ok.

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  • Im going to be honest with you. Yes. That is considered baggage by the vast majority of men and for me personally its a dealbreaker. I wouldn't be able to feel you were truly "mine" plus if I do have kids I want my own.

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  • it's no big when you meet real dad's girl

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  • Wish u get a grt guy soon... can't comment on ur question as I don't have much idea on it.. but best wishes for it.. 😀

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  • it's best not to let go of too much info right away, let him ask. slot of times situations will reveal the info he wants and you won't have to, focus on him if he warrants your attention and you are smokin hot by the way

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  • tell them straight out. a real man won't care.

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  • Hey! What about marrying me?

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  • Be very cautious as single moms area mostly approached by pedos

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  • Are you strictly into men or you're open to dating a woman too?

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think honesty is the best policy. If you are up front with what you want and are looking for it is much better to communicate it.

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