Is there anything I can do, or should I just move on?

There is a guy that I have had feelings for a little while now. He and I are like best friends, and we both trust each other with everything.

Well, just last night I decided to go for it and tell him that, even though I am older than him, I view him slightly more than just a friend. I told him that I did not want to ruin our friendship by any means, and felt that I could tell him about my true feelings.

He was perfectly fine with them, and he said that he already knew without me saying it. He said that he had thought about it, and that if I were not older he would feel the same. So he gently let me down saying that he didn't "exactly feel the same, but mainly because of the age difference."

He does talk about still having feelings for his ex, and how he wishes they would get back together. I've been totally supportive about this for him, and told him that I hope it works out for the best for him, and so on and so forth...

Also, he is the type of guy that likes to date girls younger than him...so my question is, should I just continue with him, and see how it plays out; if he does end up changing his mind, or should I just move on? Honest answers please!

Thank you and God Bless!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • OK, how much of an age difference is there? That kind of has a bearing on things. A couple of years is nothing, but a decade or so, well, that's maybe different. As you get older, the difference means less and less. I always liked older women though, as they're less skittish and flighty, and not as shallow . . . . . .generally speaking. You sound like you've got it together more than he does.

    You're a strong woman, supporting him in getting back together with his ex. (Rebuilding the past never seems to work great though) You sound like fabulous "girlfriend material"! Maybe he just needs time to realize that.

    How recently did he break up with his ex? That kind of has a bearing on things. If it's real fresh and raw, give him some time. If it's been a while, I'd continue with him. What's the issue with the age difference as he sees it?

    If he's dead set on younger women, then that's his preference, and you can't do much about it. (It'd be like a real skinny girl trying to start a serious relationship with me when only plus-sized girls really interest me romantically)

    It could be the subconscious mindset that the older person somehow "controls" the relationship through "seniority". An older woman would be a threat to his "position of authority". Maybe way off the mark, but some guys are like that.

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    • Well it's a 3 year difference...and I know it sounds odd, but he 16, and I'm 19 (just turned). You can think I'm weird for it, but you can't help your feelings. Oddly and surprisingly he's extremely mature for his age physically and mentally. He could easily pass for 18.

      And they broke up in April, (she broke up with him.)

      I personally think it may because he would feel I was the one "in control" because I am indeed, older, but I'm just not sure.

    • 3 years is not much after you're both over 20. It means less as you get older, and no, it doesn't sound odd. 8 years between my wife and I! Age differences help it last because there are two viewpoints.

      April to July is only 3 months. He's still hurting, but if she dumped him, there's no point in him chasing her. Her answer will just be "Duh! Loser! Did you forget I dumped you?"

      I say keep chasing this guy gently, and keep a 50/50 undertone to your friendship. He might come around.

      Hugs,

      Greg

    • Thank you so much for your input, I truly appreciate it! And you made me feel less weird about the situation. Haha! Thank you once again.

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What Guys Said 2

  • All you really can do is tell him how you feel; you can't force him to be with you, and I doubt you'd want that anyhow. If he's said he doesn't feel the same way, it's not in your best interest to wait for him to change his mind; that day may never come. It's hard to deal with feelings like that, but think of him for what he is to you (a very good friend), rather than what he's not, or what he could have been. Romantically, it'd be best to move on and see what other opportunities are out there for you; if he changes his mind, you'll be able to tell, and you can always get with him then.

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    • Thank you so much for the advice, I appreciate it!

  • He says he does want to date younger girls and also said he feels the same way you feel about you,.well,move on with him and at same time,bear in mind about him changing his mind towards you and start dating young girls..

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