How come I don't romanticize my last relationship when I loved my ex a lot? Are you supposed to remember the good?

I dated my ex for 2 years. We broke up once after a year because he stopped treating me right and began walking ball over me and making me feel bad about myself. When I told him how I felt, he didn't want to listen or work on it so he ghosted me for 4 months and even dated another girl for a week, in the process...

So we get back together and he tried to work on himself but his old habits were still there and I couldn't take it. He stopped making me feel like I had a part in his life and made it like his goals were more important than anything else, including me. So I broke up with him. I was mature and ended things with an actual conversation and we left on good terms.

Time goes by and he is on my mind almost everyday. I reminisce about the good times but I still remind myself about the bad and they outweigh my good emotions. He reached out to me after 2 months of not talking and just reading his messages made me realize how manipulative he is. He told me he wish he could have made things work and that he never felt good enough for me and thought I deserved better... that was a load of bs. The reality was he stopped caring about how I felt and would literally avoid any romantic advances I would make, ignore any issues we had and even ignore my messages... I told him that it was not true because he was just too focused on himself and I no longer had an important place in his life. He admitted that he was selfish and he didn't know how he got this far in life. He said his goals are no longer important to him and he wished he had me.

It's like he's giving me half of the truth. I wanted so badly for him to want me enough to make things work but he didn't at the time because he was too caught up in himself. I wish we were still together and he could be the good person he once was but it's hard to want to be with him when I know he will never change.

Why have the bad times outweighed the good? Why am I not romanticizing the relationship I had when I loved him?


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  • It's just not your personality and that's ok.

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