It's been a decade that my ex and I split and I still can't get over her. Any advice?

She literally built me up. I am everything that I am today thanks to her. We met when I was 20 and she was 19. I had just lost my mother, I was broke, completely lost and my life was pointless. I was isolated and suicidal and she somehow managed to get into my life and fix everything. She supported me in every humanly possible way. She gave me love and money and pushed me to study and cooked for me and fed me and had sleepless nights when I was sick and had faith in me. She literally restored me and everything I am now, I owe to her

For reasons that were bigger than both of us we had to split by the time I was 24. I never heard from her again but somehow ther isn't a single day that I don't think about her. Being with someone so perfect raised my standards incredibly high and I never like any girl I meet. It's been almost 10 years but really nothing has changed. I am finally stable, I have everything I ever wanted but I am never happy and I don't think I will ever be without her. I really tried to meet new women. I did meet some great ones but my heart really belongs somewhere else. A part of me wants to talk to her but I heard she had an arranged marriage a few months after we split. I know I need to move on but I don't know how, please help.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow arrange marriage

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What Guys Said 2

  • I can appreciate that you miss a dear friend and that they had such a great impact on your current success... but you're biased. And when we're biased we can't see the reality of our situation, and instead we only see what matches what we believe.

    You're not stupid or dumb, you're just a regular dude. But you've lost perspective.

    The reality is this... it's perfectly okay to LOVE someone without being with them. Missing her is normal. Spending time wondering "what if" and thinking about her daily is not fine.

    Your reality is that you two are NOT together. So continuing to day dream as a way of reliving the emotional high you once had with her is called mental masterbation and it's actually harmful to you. You're purposely harming yourself when you wish things were different.

    Ever meet someone who keeps talking about their glory days in football back in high school, 20 years later? That's them desperate to relive some moment that's past.

    That's you. And it's not harmless. It's harmFULL because whining about the past and wishing things were different builds suffering and depression. And it's completely avoidable when you take responsibility for your life and your actions.

    It's your JOB to control and direct the energy of your life, and looking back wishing things were different today is harmful. Imagine dating someone who constantly tells you how you're not as good as you once were, daily reminding you that things should be different but aren't. That's hurtful and that's what you're doing to yourself.

    The healthy thing is to APPRECIATE what was, and perhaps sometimes lovingly remember it. But only with appreciation, not with attachment.

    You're attached to what ISN'T and that's chaos to your soul.

    Like being angry the weather isn't what you think it SHOULD be. Wishing things were different is a fools game.

    Let her go, with love and appreciation, because you deserve to move on, and whom ever you fall in love with next deserves to have ALL of you, and doesn't deserve to be measured against someone in your past who wasn't given the time to be a "real" person with issues and disappointments. Meaning you're painting your memories with false rose coloured glasses.

    Let go with love.

    You're an adult now. Appreciate and let go. Don't be a needy desperate fool who doesn't trust his own abilities to meet new more wonderful women.

    :D

    ~ Robby

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  • Let it out. Pick a rather long period of time and gather all the pictures you've ever had together and just remember all the memories you've ever had with her. Cry, and know that she made you happy once, and now she deserves to be happy now too, even if it's not with you. Then, tell her how you've been feeling for her and tell her how much she's done for you in your life and how she's made you what you are today :)

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