It's been a decade that my ex and I split and I still can't get over her. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

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[bobair]

I can appreciate that you miss a dear friend and that they had such a great impact on your current success... but you're biased. And when we're biased we can't see the reality of our situation, and instead we only see what matches what we believe.

You're not stupid or dumb, you're just a regular dude. But you've lost perspective.

The reality is this... it's perfectly okay to LOVE someone without being with them. Missing her is normal. Spending time wondering "what if" and thinking about her daily is not fine.

Your reality is that you two are NOT together. So continuing to day dream as a way of reliving the emotional high you once had with her is called mental masterbation and it's actually harmful to you. You're purposely harming yourself when you wish things were different.

Ever meet someone who keeps talking about their glory days in football back in high school, 20 years later? That's them desperate to relive some moment that's past.

That's you. And it's not harmless. It's harmFULL because whining about the past and wishing things were different builds suffering and depression. And it's completely avoidable when you take responsibility for your life and your actions.

It's your JOB to control and direct the energy of your life, and looking back wishing things were different today is harmful. Imagine dating someone who constantly tells you how you're not as good as you once were, daily reminding you that things should be different but aren't. That's hurtful and that's what you're doing to yourself.

The healthy thing is to APPRECIATE what was, and perhaps sometimes lovingly remember it. But only with appreciation, not with attachment.

You're attached to what ISN'T and that's chaos to your soul.

Like being angry the weather isn't what you think it SHOULD be. Wishing things were different is a fools game.

Let her go, with love and appreciation, because you deserve to move on, and whom ever you fall in love with next deserves to have ALL of you, and doesn't deserve to be measured against someone in your past who wasn't given the time to be a "real" person with issues and disappointments. Meaning you're painting your memories with false rose coloured glasses.

Let go with love.

You're an adult now. Appreciate and let go. Don't be a needy desperate fool who doesn't trust his own abilities to meet new more wonderful women.

:D

~ Robby

[Jonnyyy]

Let it out. Pick a rather long period of time and gather all the pictures you've ever had together and just remember all the memories you've ever had with her. Cry, and know that she made you happy once, and now she deserves to be happy now too, even if it's not with you. Then, tell her how you've been feeling for her and tell her how much she's done for you in your life and how she's made you what you are today :)